| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a suspicious type of person. My boyfriend has his own apartment but usually stays at his mother's house--just wanted to give u that info.Last week--i look at the condom drawer and we havent used any in a while--we have two sets..there were only one left of one--and i thought i counted 9 of the other and was pretty sure--i think i looked at it a few times. Tonight, after we slept together--we did use one...afterwards--i look at the drawer to see and then i count 8 including the one we used--now i am second guessing myself thinking did i count wrong last week or did he cheat on me--of course i dont want to believe its 8 and maybe thats why i am second guessing myself b/c i really dont want to believe my b/f would do this especially since we almost broke up do to my trust issues with him(at one point, he basically said i'm sorry i can't do this anymore--he was tired of being accused--we worked it out though)..i dont think its too hard to miscount condoms..the place wasn't exactly tidy unless he brought over a girl who just didnt give a sh*t if the place was clean or that he had 3 cards from me displayed and my earrings on the table. What do i do? Overlook this b/c now i am second guessing myself?
View related questions:
broke up, condom Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): This is me who posted--we haven't use condoms in a long time--so i don't see the need of it being in his car and we haven't been away together.
A
male
reader, Tray-c +, writes (21 July 2006):
 I think your slowly going mad :) just slowly though, you could of miscounted them on either occassion, and I think you wrote in before did you? about him deciding one night to stay at his apartment because his car would be blocked at his mothers and again you were suspicious!! you just need to relax a tad life has its ups and downs but thats what makes it fun. By the way if there truely was a condom missing it could always also be a posh wank!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): You could have made a mistake. And if he hasnt done anything wrong, you will drive him away again by accusing him. Try to calm down about the situation, and see if anything changes. Its really hard I know, but you could drive yourself mad for no reason. Give him the benifit of the doubt,and see what happens. I have almost lost my partner for being to posesive, the more you question a person the more they will back off. good luck and keep smiling
...............................
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (21 July 2006):
 Hello. I don't think you should be worrying. I am sure he would not go to such lengths to make sure exactly the right amount are there. Plus, your belongings are around as you say.
These situations do happen all the time and sometimes suspicions are proved to be correct. However, you know yourself. Have you been like this before in other relationships? If that is the case you need to get you jealousy sorted through good counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy to sort out your low self esteem - if that is a problem. By coninually accusing him you may drive him to do what you fear most and get him looking for someone else.
It could be that you are picking something up about him, but have you honestly any reason to be worried because of past events? Or is he a good guy? It sounds as though he has taken on board a lot from you and still wants to be with you. Why bother if he could be with any other girl? He puts up with it because he cares about you, I think.
Resist questioning him about the condoms, you may lose him if he feels that you do not trust him. Remember that he may give one to a friend, or perhaps put one in his pocket in case you get together in a romantic setting out of doors some time! On reflection I think you may be playing with fire by continuing to check and would feel better for you if you could trust him. There are other signs to cheating, such as him turning off his phone when you are together or getting secret text messages. You must know how other people find him. Is he liked and trusted by his friends? Is he kind and supportive to friends and family? What is his attitude to fidelity and how important is it to him? What does your intuition say? You probably know more about him that you think. Good luck with sifting through this.
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (21 July 2006):
 I think you have answered your own question here - give him the benefit of the doubt. If you really need to make certain, for your own peace of mind then say nothing and then do a re-count sometime in the future - write the number down somewhere so you can be sure. You need cast iron proof and CHECK the facts that he is cheating before you go and say something you will regret. And bear in mind there could easily be an explaation for the missing condom - perhaps you have been away together, so he slipped one into a wash-bag/pocket or somewhere, or it could be in the car? You have no real way of knowing, for instance, if he was playing away, he could always go to a machine and buy some!! Should you find real hard proof, then he has some some humble pie to eat. To my mind anyone who cheats forfeits their right to privacy!
Consider also, has he given you any real cause to doubt him? Were you like this in other relationships, or is it just him who sets your alarm bells ringing?
Answer these questions - then if you still find yourself doubting him, be prepared to either seek help for your insecurities, or to part company, as there are enough tensions to deal with in any relationship, let alone the torment you/your partner (whoever is in the right) is going through. I used to be insanely jealous, so I know what you are going through, and it is AGONY, but believe me, you can get out the other side and still retain your sanity! :o) I wish you well, good luck!
...............................
|
