| A
female
,
*irginiaMae
writes: Hi-I am deeply attracted to my science professor in college in so many aspects primarily sexually. I think about him so much,especially the sexual part. We have become good friends and I desperately want to express my feelings. What should I do?Thanks-Rose Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): Number of issues here to consider, but I have no intension of moralising.
1. - Academics dating their students is generally regarded as unprofessional in UK universities, and in some institutions the lecturer/professor would face disaplinary action.
2. - Having said that, mutually consenting lust is fine, no law would be broken, you are both adults, and if there are any consequences to face; being where you both are you are both capable of working out what those might be.
3. - You do say that you get on well together, why not raise the subject. He might want more than sex and or he might be of the mind that a bit of lust is OK, you can only find out what he thinks by asking him?
4. - If he's a decent sort, he should at least declare an "interest" and not be involved in the assessment of your work. And, if he's really nice, he won't be afraid of walking across the campus with you hand in hand (the litmus test).
5. - Speaking an academic who still lives with my first dissertation student of some fifteen year previously (my dirty secret), and one who has noted a tendancy of members of the faculty to find life partners from amongst the student body; I would tend to side on the view that every staff/student relationship should be viewed on an individual basis. However, having said that I need to acknowledge that there are some serial student exploiters out there, and you might not be the only student who has come as close to him as you and further than that, over the years.
6. I could even say that lives have been ruined, but that is equally likely to occur if you were lusting after the football team captain!
7. - The anti-relationships arguement is that there will always be a power relationship between a member of the academic staff and a student and an opportunity to exploit that relationship to an advantage. Acknowledgement of that is the foundation of a relationship or a friendship that is not equal but can over time become more equal.
8. - My own line is that on the whole I love my students, men and women, and some great friendships have emerged over time; but I would hate to think that I would ever exploit those relationships or for anyone to think that I would ever do that; so over the years you tend to set boundaries, and form paticular practice.
9. You should discuss these points, at least it will mean that you have at least reflected on the issues before you jump into bed.
10. - bottom line you are an adult, lust is OK, it could be good, it could be bad, you decide, at least practice safe sex, and if he's a cad (or your're not worse, or on a level) publish your research findings on the tiolet wall, its better that you are empowered!
Lunch times over, if you carn't be good, be safe.
A
male
reader, glassofwater +, writes (29 September 2006):
I guess if he's single wait till the class is over with and then make a move, but i would warn you that if you are way younger than he is you may just become a sexual object to him. ask yourself if its jus lust.
...............................
|
