A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone!Can a relationship work on personality attraction alone l?I’ve met the most amazing guy I’ve quite possibly ever encountered before. We met in the gym where he works, I did NOT find him atttactive at all when I first met him. Then slowly as we began to know each other my attraction to him has grown. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, he makes me laugh, makes me happy and has me excited to see him/hear from him. We exchanged numbers officially after around 12 weeks of obvious flirting between each other. He’s taken me on two dates and treated me like a complete princess. I’ve never been treated like this by a man before. My issue is the physical attraction. Sometimes I am physically attracted to him and then some dates I find myself looking at him and thinking no I’m not. He’s not my type looks wise (I tend to be attracted to Olive skins/dark features where he is pale skinned and blue eyed). I really really want to be attracted to this guy. I want a future with him as I know he would make me happy. I’ve been previously cheated on and suffered from domestic abuse. This has left me with walls up that I vary rarely let anyone else in. He’s had me taking these down because I want to, not because I’ve been forced. I feel at ease letting him in and I’ve opened up and told him things I would normally never dream of doing. Can a relationship work workout that huge physical response?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 January 2018):
 For me personality wins over looks every time. We all look different as well get older but love and personality very much stay similar. My advice to you would be to try it and see how you get on, you have nothing to loose and so much to gain. His looks may grow on you.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (1 January 2018):
Long term happiness is far more dependant on personality than it is looks. Odds are too, that if he treats you well he'd treat any kids you might have well too.
The more you care about him the more attractive he'll become.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 January 2018):
 I get that we have a "type" when it comes to looks, but IF you ONLY stick to that you are limiting yourself from really good matches and possible partners.
You say you aren't attracted to him yet you also state that you look forward to seeing him - so there IS some chemistry going on.
He seems to have a lot of good qualities.
I'd say the idea that ChiGirl mention of KISSING him, might be a good idea. If you feel nothing after a kiss, then let him go so he can find someone who can appreciate his WHOLE package.
There is always more to a person than how they look, but attraction IS important and so is compatibility.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2018): You have obviously been so true to your "type" in men, until it has become a fixation. I won't dwell on the commentary regarding the color of someone's skin as an element of attraction, it just doesn't make much sense to me.
The most important components in any successful romantic-connection are compatibility, mutual-attraction, and trust.
Sometimes these things hit all at once, and sometimes they gradually come across over time.
You're dating. The purpose of courtship is to allow chemistry to develop, and to familiarize yourself with your partner. To evaluate what it is about that person you like and don't like. In time, it is likely he will break through your color-barrier and override those particular features you're considering to be "must-haves" at the moment. Stuff you're just used to; but have a hard-time getting around.
If his touch disgusts you, or you simply feel repulsed; then end things where they are. Don't lead him on and put him in the friend-zone long after he has become emotionally-attached. That's selfish and unfair. He's not looking for a friend, he's courting you for romance and companionship.
I think as you grow closer to him, he'll start to really grow on you. You will start to grow accustomed to his features, and you'll start to take more notice of his uniqueness; which is probably the reason you're still so drawn to him. You just haven't gotten all the way there yet.
I say, continue to pursue this; but with caution. Don't play him along or use him until some olive-complected dude comes along to suit your fancy. I mean give yourself a chance to explore something different in a man. Enjoy and appreciate what sets him apart from the fixed physical criteria guys have to meet to sexually-attract you. You've got to enjoy vanilla for it's own sake!
I like deep dark-complexions also; but I would have been out of my mind if I had bypassed my man because he's fair-skinned. Now I've got wider tastes, and can enjoy everything about him. If he's good-looking in his own right, and skin-tone is all you're turned-off about; maybe it's time to broaden your tastes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2018): In my experience there has to be a physical attraction, but you say that you're excited to see him, so does that not translate into any sort of physical attraction? Having a great time together sounds like enough reason to give it a try and enjoy it for what it is, whilst you're still enjoying it.There is something I would like to add though that you haven't asked about.I have been in abusive relationships as well and as a consequence have become wary when I hear a woman say that she has never been treated like this before and that he treats her like a princess. Those exact words you used are the ones that have alarm bells ringing in my head. Abusive men often start out this way.Of course he may just be a wonderful man and I hope he is, but in my experience men who are over the top with the caring and looking after their girlfriends are often acting. Love bombing and sweeping you off your feet are things to be wary of in my experience.I then read that you've been in an abusive relationship before. We are often attracted to the same kind of people without realising it. I know that I am attracted to the wrong kind of man but I have now learnt my lesson after having been in three abusive relationships and can now recognise the signs a mile away. I just wanted to bring it to your attention that my first thought when I read your post was that he might be someone to be wary of. Especially if he's managed to charm you despite the fact that you don't find him attractive. Just be on the lookout. You know what I'm talking about. I hope I'm wrong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 January 2018):
 Can a relationship work workout that huge physical response?
No.
But in your case, is this really a matter of not being attracted, or him just being somewhat outside of the norm for what you typically find attractive?
I am going to be blunt, I never heard anyone say before that they are attracted to someones skin colour. You like darker skin? He can get a tan. Is that really it? Then problem solved. I mean he can't be hideous or unattractive if his fair skin is all that's keeping you from pouncing on him. If he was ugly as heck and made your skin crawl at the thought of kissing him, I would say a definite no. But if he's a handsome man, just not the type you typically go for, then I think you should give it more than just two dates to see if there is attraction. For most people, attraction isn't just what you first think of someone, it's something that builds up. You've experienced a bit of that yourself, in that you didn't find him attractive at all at first, but have come to see him in a different light now.
Ask yourself this, if you turned him down, and then he started dating someone else and they were all romantic and gooey eyed with each other, would you be jealous? Would you regret not giving it more time?
If the answer is yes, then go on further dates and KISS. A kiss can be a game changer.
I have experienced on several occasions, men that I am not initially that physically attracted to, who happen to be such passionate kissers/lovers that totally change my perspective of them. If you've watched Sex and the City and Charlotte and Harry, that's what I'm talking about. It doesn't just happen on TV, it is a real thing.
Also, how does he smell? It's scientifically proven, if a woman finds a man's natural smell to be good, then they are a good genetic match. Which in most cases also means you will find him very attractive in the bedroom.
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