A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently met a mother at my children's school. I am so attracted to her. I first met her when I was just coming in from an errand and I was parking my car and then I saw her stop, waiting on me to park. She was one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She offered her babysitting services to me, but as she was doing so, she stared directly at my breasts. I try to talk to her all the time or try to invite her over but she always tries to make each conversation about business when I call her. I see how nervous she gets around me and I can feel the tension between her and I. She thinks my kids father is my husband and I think that has kind of pushed her away. I am so attracted to her and I can tell she is attracted to me, I want to make a move but I just cant get her alone or get her to open up to me. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): Thanks for the responses. I think I won't try to pursue anything with her, its better I find someone outside my area.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 I agree with Tisha.
Creepy attention can be from both male and female, straight or gay....if you don't want the attention, it can make you uncomfortable regardless of sexual orientation.
Don't shoot me down here, but it is probably likely to say that *most* mothers at the school gates are straight, and that her assumption that your childs father is your husband is just an extension of her own lifestyle.
If I was in her situation, I would assume if you had kids you were straight. Not PC I know, but it would be a logical assumption if you didn't know otherwise. My uncle is gay, and had a child from a previous marriage, so I do understand how people can make make this mistake.
If she feels a vibe that you might be hitting on her, and isn't comfortable with it, there will be tension - but not in a good way. The fact she always steers the conversation away from personal things, and won't get into personal matters is another hint. I suspect she probably knows you might be attracted to her, and she doesn't want it.
Don't push this. You don't know anything about her, other than that you find her attractive. Is she married? Involved? Living with someone?
If this was a man writing the question about a woman, most people would advise you to steer clear until you knew that she was available and open to a relationship. Nothing changes with the fact you are a woman.
Tread carefully, and back off.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 If you can't get her alone then she doesn't want to be alone with you.
If you can't get her to open up you, well, have you been open with her? Have you told her about your relationship with your child's father?
The tension you feel may well be her discomfort...
I agree with llifton on this, mention that your child's dad isn't your husband and say something about an ex-girlfriend. Then she'll know that a) you aren't married and b) you are bisexual or lesbian.
Then see what happens next.
Beyond that, you don't want to come across as a creeper so back off on the invitations inviting her over until you've dealt with the main disclosures.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
I'd back off trying to "get with her". There is a reason she isn't opening up to you, and it's not that she thinks your child's father is your husband. Because she could just ask a "casual" family question, instead? she keep steering the conversation unto business. Maybe the tension is because she DOES know you are interested but she isn't?
IF you REALLY think she is interested in you why not casually bring up having an ex-gf if the conversation/situation can be directed in that direction?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (30 September 2015):
 The fact that she steers each conversation back to business suggests to me she does not want a romantic/sexual liaison with you and that should be reason enough to leave it be.
She might not gay or even bi-sexual. Maybe she is but does not want to start something with the parent of one of her children's classmates ('don't shit where you eat' kind of thing). Perhaps she's not interested in any kind of entanglements at this time. We simply don't know what her reasons are and really, she doesn't need any. 'No means no' applies just as much to other women as it does to men.
Staring at your breasts simply means she's rude, not that she's willing and available.
Sorry, but my advice is to leave her be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2015): well at least you are friends and she couldnt be anything but flattered with your admiration of her but the problem is that you dont know for sure thats she's into girl on girl action and because she pushes the conversation to something practical i think she might not want to discover it as a pathway to any thing.I wonder what your breasts were doing on the day you met? Perhaps you had one of those gel pushup bras that pop it all out over the top so that they hit her in the eye without realising what it meant to you.But the friendship sounds good so maybe you should look for someone else to share intimacy with as it would save you a lot of heartache; especially if it all went wrong!There is no harm in friendship as long if it doesnt torment your soul!!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2015):
 That's always a tough one when it comes to being gay. Straight people don't typically have to fear that when they make a move on the opposite sex, they're going to be gay and make a fool out of themselves. The likelihood is slim with such a higher percentage of heterosexuals in the world. However, with a significantly smaller percentage of the population being gay, you run the risk of not knowing if you are hitting on a gay or straight woman. Lol. That being said, it can be a bit trickier in our world.
I always prefer to go the subtle route with women. It tends to work the best. Drop a subtle hint her way such as mentioning how your children's dad is not your husband and something about an ex girlfriend of yours. This drops the hint that you're into women. Sometimes, we don't always know you are into women! So this can be a great ice breaker. And most women are in tune enough to pick up on the hint that you might be putting feelers out there.
I would start there, and see if she begins to open up any more. I hope this helped.
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