A
male
age
41-50,
*inter_one
writes:This isn't so much a problem as an irritating niggle, but it's one I'm having difficulty in figuring out an answer to.When my GF and I first started dating, on each date we went on she would offer to pay. I'd generally decline and pay myself, she'd accept this on condition that I let her pay next time - which I usually did.However, I've noticed over the last couple of months that she's not been making that offer anymore, and as a result it's been me paying for everything. It's not something I particularly want to challenge her directly over as I know she'd be highly embarrassed. Can anyone suggest any way that I can discreetly make the point that I'm not a walking wallet and that, while I like to treat her from time to time, I don't expect to have to pay for everything all the time? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (21 April 2007):
 I have this problem too, except slightly different circumstances. My boyfriend doesnt let me pay for anything even when I do offer. So now, I refuse to go or do anything simply because I feel uncomfortable someone always paying my way. And I was NOT brought up that way.
But try this anyway........
If she decides that the two of you must go to dinner, just say to her that you'd love to go and treat her, but things are a little tight and you want to save. That way, if she were any type of person, she should step in and say, dont worry, let me pay. At that gesture, you MUST accept.
The reason she has probably stopped offering is because you dont let her pay and she is so used to being turned down on her offer to pay, she feels, I'm gonna get turned down again, so I wont bother offering.
You must accept her offers, perhaps not every time, but at least every second or third time otherwise she's gonna think her offer wont be accepted so wont bother offering.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): All of my boyfriends and I always went casually dutch ( we didn't count, but tried to stay balanced). Except for one boyfriend that always insisted on paying when we first went out...after awhile I got accustom to it, it just seemed like a waste of energy to go through the motions. It wasn't a problem for us, and he always paid. Maybe if you have been very insistant, she just got used to it.
Just say- sometime when money is NOT being exchanged- that you want to talk about how you spend money together, because you have a good thinig going and you want to make sure it never becomes an issue between you two. Or, tell her that its important for her to know that that your budget it tight lately (throw yourself a pity party).
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