A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just looking for some opinions about this it’s my birthday tomorrow and my partner is at work all day until 4.30 now his sister have just phoned him asked him to go straight to hers from work to do some jobs around the house naturally I am annoyed about this as by the time he is finished it will be about 8pm so obviously I am not going to see him on my birthday badly we don’t live together but have been together for 6 years he doesn’t see the problem am I getting this wrong or am I right to be annoyed thank you
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 December 2019):
 Quite frankly, I think where he spends your birthday is the least of your worries. You've been together six years and don't even live together. What sort of relationship is this? How long are you planning on just drifting along?
If you are both happy with having such a casual relationship for six years, then fair enough. Each to their own. However, I have to question what future there is in it for either of you. Perhaps I am missing something, in which case apologies, but, to me, it all seems very half hearted.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 December 2019):
 Maybe its time to end the relationship. I dont see a reason to be annoyed, but I do see clear evidence of you and him not communicating well or being on the same page. If your birthday is special to you and you wanted to celebrate it with him, then he should have been more than happy about doing it and having the opportunity to give you a nice birthday. Good partners respect the wishes of their other half, and what is important to you will be important to them. But for some reason, he doesnt see a problem with helping his sister on your birthday. So either you havent been able to communicate well about expectations and level of importancy, or you and him just have different values. In either case, if this is how it is after six years, then maybe its time to stop arguing and just go separate ways. Because there really shouldnt be an argument here, the case is so simple.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): Birthdays are not reliant on what others do for us; we can also plan a day of pleasing ourselves. When we were little kids, birthdays required a mob of people to make us feel special. As grown-ups, we have the freedom and earn the money to whatever we please on a birthday. We can throw our own party celebration and pick and choose whom we want to attend. We can also just sit-back and relax; and do absolutely nothing but pamper ourselves.
You really don't know what's in the works, and it must seem somewhat out of the ordinary that he would just ditch your birthday if has never done this before. Wouldn't you say?
Just in-case there's no secret or surprise plans; be grown-up and make a list of things to do to please yourself.
You're an adult now, and unlike children; you can do whatever you like on your birthday. Requiring no-one's permission or approval. Just go enjoy yourself anyway you like. Sometimes things aren't entirely as they seem.
Comeback and tell us how it goes. It seems a little odd he'd decide to go to his sister's, knowing you'd get upset about it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 December 2019):
 I think your frustration is justified, unless the things that need fixing are quite urgent and she can't afford a plumber (for example)....
- Did you make plans, though?
- Ask him to take you out for a belated birthday dinner this weekend instead.
- Spend the afternoon with a friend or relative.
- Consider the future of your relationship, not because of this, but because you're both well into adulthood and have been together for 6 years with no commitment from either of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): On your birthday he should prioritise you. Tell him you are upset and if he doesn’t change his plans then it’s clear he doesn’t value you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2019):
 I'd be a little annoyed too, however...
Were there any birthday plans? Or was he just going to maybe show up and "hang" out?
WHY don't you go out to dinner with a friend/family for your birthday? Or spend the evening with someone who HAS time to see you?
And 6 years together, and you don't live together? What is up with that?
Or (and I could be wrong) maybe they are planning to surprise you? Or (and I could be wrong again) it is something that needs fixed asap, like a water-pipe or whatnot, and thus takes priority?
Have you previously down played your birthday? As in told him, Oh it's OK if you can't spend time with me on my birthday. If so maybe he has (wrongly) presumed that birthdays aren't a big deal to you. Same if there wasn't a dinner planned or a party.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): Oh boy.Your boyfriend ignores you on your birthday.You have been with him six years and no ring yet?This relationship has run its course.His sister comes before you.If you stay with him you will always come in second.Believe what he is showing you about himself.You deserve a man who would put you first in his life...now you are just being takin for granted.Dress up nice go out and maybe get a new boyfriend for your birthday like one who actually cares for you.You are so right to be annoyed.Six years and you do not live with him and are not married yet? I am sorry but you are just a placeholder for him till he finds the one....His actions kinda prove that.Go see the chippendale dancers on your birthday..f him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): Nah that's pretty insensitive. It's your birthday, why can't he do errands for his sister ANY OTHER EVENING?
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