A
female
age
41-50,
*weetsmile1979
writes:hi i am an OFW, im in a long distance relationship, he is 10 years older than me, we are together for 7 years, and we have 2 kids. i love my partner a lot as if i cant see my future without him, though we are not married yet because of some conflict in him yet i still love him n i want to be with him with the rest of my life.my problem is, he never trust me especially now that we are miles apart. i cant imagine why he cannot trust me because knowing the fact that i am certified single, im just waiting for his marriage proposal, i gave birth with his kids, i know that i am a good mother to his children, i never forget to say i love you to him n our to kids. my laptop is open for them even 24 hours a day. i tried my best to be in touch with them always. but why? why he cannot trust me? he is very quick to anger n i dont know why? there was a time that i think i am already tired to understand him. i dont know if he really loves me or am i the only one who loves him, but he loves our kids a lot. i am really confused, should i stay with our relationship or should i let him go... as much as possible i dont want my kids to suffer broken family but should i endure every painful words from him because of his false accusation? is jealousy is normal to a guy?thanks for all your ideas i really appreciate it.
View related questions:
I love you, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sweetsmile1979 +, writes (30 January 2011):
sweetsmile1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi talktime, thank you very much for ur opinion.
actually, i went for a vacation last december 2010 for 40 days, our few days is very smooth as in ideal happy family, i am very happy, but time comes when he got mad with his workers because he has a business, same thing he got mad at me, but i tried to be calm everytime, crying alone because i really dont want fights, especially when our kids is there, i try to hide everything in front of my kids.
after a few days we are ok again, he talk to me with his problems in his business, and our expenses, i understand him because i know what really matters on him is the future of his kids, but why he needs to put his anger on me which is i am not his enemy, i dont spend money for myself, i send all my salary to him, when i was in vaction i gave him all my money.
everytime we have an intimate conversation, he keep on telling me that he is worried for the future of his kids, thats why small problems make him mad. i try to explain to him that we are together in all our problems and need not to worry too much because it wont help.after that we are ok but only for few days again. i expect that same problem, same issue will arise again.
a night before i need to fly back to my work, he is really crying, telling me that he might not fight loneliness without me again, he dont want me to go as much as possible, he dont know what to do without me again, he will be missing me that much, which makes me confuse, he dont want me to go but whenever im around i feel llike im his enemy whenever he is mad, but i tried to console him telling that i need to do this for the bright future of our kids. and trying to tell him that for me as much as possible i dont want to get away from them too because i really wanted to personally prepare their foods, i want to be with them as much as possible but what can i do we want to give our kids a good future. we must sacrifice, im not going away for myself but im doing this for him and our kids.
one more issue was our availability online, because everytime i've encounter problems on internet signal or on my laptop while talking to him he got easily mad, and accuse me that i shut off my computer because im flirting with someone. i dont have the control of WIFI.
a few weeks ago,my patient was hospitalized, so i need to stay in the hospital from 9am to 7pm, so in order to have time with them, i wake up at 3am since they are few hours ahead than me, from 3 am until 9am i was with them. and after my duty in the hospital i txted him evrytime i got home is he is still awake so i can open my laptop if he still want to talk to me and saying goodnyt if he fall asleep already.
one day, the night when my patient was discharged back home, we arrived as early at 6pm, so i texted him and he replied back that he want to talk to me online so i open my computer, while talking to him, since my patient was not yet doing really good, i run here and there just to be with him same as i can do my job. then the son of my patient came and ask me to give the food of his mother, i go immidiately, i didnt ask permission to my partner already because i thought he heard everything that i need to my duty, i ran off to the kitchen and feed my patient.
the son of my patient got to our room to get something for his mother because i sleep in same room with my patient, maybe without his knowledge that i was talking to my hubby he put off the light, i only found out that the lights was off after feeding my patient, and my partner was already offline. i know problem will arise again, i texted him but he dont textback.
the next day i texted him that i was online already, he open their computer and told me what happen d other day was, i covered my cam and flirted with the son of my patient, he is angry with me, even if try to explain my side, he dont believe me, he went offline and until now he is not talking to me...
i'm so tired to understand already. i texted him so many times and my last mesg for him was that " i love him so much more than my life, im just here to love him but im not expecting for his love anymore because his love without trust is nothing" . till now he never get in touch with me so as my kids.
im hurt, im sad because they are my family, my life but what can i do?
God bless.
A
female
reader, sweetsmile1979 +, writes (29 January 2011):
sweetsmile1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your opinion cerberus, i think so your right because i feel d same way like what you've said, maybe he has been affected with his past relationship because before me he has many relationship but not dat serious because no one of them bear his child which i did. thats why one time i am thinking that maybe he is with me because i am the mother of his kids, which i think unfair to me.
i am really confused, there were times that i feel that he loves me but most of the time he dont care if he utter bad words on me, accused me on something which i think i never did it wrong. he dont care even if in public, as long as he is angry.
on the other side, he is really a perfect father to our kids, because he always think for the goodness and bright of our kids. Thats why i really dont know where to stand.
thanks a lot
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Painful words? It may be presumptuous of me but in my honest opinion, this whole thing sounds like it would be the beginning of an abusive relationship. Suspicions, unkind words, unreasonable accusations, be cautious. Hopefully I am wrong and it is just suspicion, it is hard to build trust over long distance although, if you already have children, if you do try your best to be in touch with them, I see no real reason as to why he should be suspicious and that only means that he has issues with trust. Perhaps a past relationship or his social circles have led him to be distrustful of even those he loves. Talk to him about it.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, TalkTime  +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hello, I read this and became curious as to how your man acts towards the trust issue. does he take action? (for instance always asking where you are, what you got up to or even stop you from doing certain things.) or does he not intervene in the slightest and just says he doesn't trust you enough?
1 - By reading this I can tell you are NOT the kind of lady who needs telling twice, however, just to be clear you must maintain this strong motherly figure for your children's moral fibre and stability ( being raised and seeing everything from a males point of view can, in some cases, cause the children to become a little bias towards life leading them to not take advantage of all the doors open to them in the future.)
2 - Obviously the most ideal action to take maybe to establish some more foundation between you both by moving in together, however if certain circumstances do not permit this you should try establishing a goal to aim for, such as eventually moving into a family home, two sets of income and happy little faces. Start talking about it to him now!
3 - One last thing, this concept may be a little hard to understand, but here goes; be sure that you are not moving in parallel lines. (by no means do i wish to insult your intelligence) see you and your man as two lines, the lines represent your life and the direction its heading in, be sure that one of the goals in your life are for these two lines to eventually cross each others path and become one line.
Just keep your head on top of the situation at hand, you can do this by dealing with one problem at a time by creating a list "step 1 to step whatever" create this list around whats most accomplish able first this way you will gain the essence of progress and achievement.
Get back to me!
JD.
...............................
|
