A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm always the person that dispenses the advice to my friends.. but when it comes to my life, I feel absolutely and utterly clueless. I feel stuck inside a huge rut with no way out.. I feel paralysed where I am. If you could give me some advice, I would really appreciate it.I'm 25 years old. I've been in a relationship with the same guy for the past 7 years and it's been the best time of my life. We were only romantic together for a few years before things started to die out in that area, but we are soulmates - he's my best friend in the world! We're still inseperable, which is difficult because neither of us are sure what we really are. We don't kiss, have sex or any kind of intimacy, but we're always hand holding, hugging and snuggling together... he's like the family I never really felt I had. Anyways, I had a lot of problems with bullying at school, as I've always been a sensitive person. I promised myself when I was young, that if I ever made just ONE true friend in my life, I would count myself lucky. This guy is my one true friend, my kindred spirit... I've never felt so comfortable around anyone in my life... it's great to be able to completely let your guard down in front of another person entirely!The bad thing is, the reason we've drifted apart, is that this guy never actually wanted to move in with me.. the relationship never took that step to the next logical level.. so naturally we drifted into being friends. He's 29 and still lives with his parents as an only child.. and they seem to have such a good relationship.. but so good, that I worry his parents don't expect him to ever leave them!! Years and years have passed, and I have only stayed and waited because I care about this man SO much.. and always thought that what we had together was more precious than any other relationship I knew of.. with anyone I knew. We really do have something special. We are always honest, loyal and continuously there for each other.This half-pie relationship has definitely affected my life, and I know that's because I've chosen to put my future on hold for him.. and that's been my decision.. but I keep thinking back to when I was a kid and my one wish was to have just ONE true friend in my life... this is what always keeps me here...I have had no other relationship with any other man.. never really had a sex life (because we've always lived with our own families).. we've never really had the privacy, without someone barging in.. it has really frustrated me to no end over the years!I have been flatting out on my own.. but it's always been the same problem! But it will take forever to save up for my own place.Anyways, the other problem is my family. A year ago, my sister began recovering from an eating disorder that nearly claimed her life.. and as a result, she's now a manic depressive, with episodes of paranoia. She refuses to take medication, or see a therapist.. but has this tight control over everything in our house.. including my parents. I have my own sort of self contained flat at the top of the house, which has been the only reason I'm still here.. but originally I stayed to try and help the situation.. although all it did was turn me into an emotional mess.. nothing I did made any difference.My parents think my life is a joke! I've recently scored a permanent job, where I'll be earning a nice big comfy salary.. but I know it's nothing close to what I want to be doing with my life. I have so many dreams and aspirations of where I want to be... but my family has always encouraged me to settle for what I can get.Now that I'm 25 and I'm a adult, I wonder what stops me from must moving away on my own and leaving this whole mess behind me.. following a passion of mine and choosing a life for myself, where I won't dread getting out of bed every morning!I'm stuck in a situation where I have a job that I hate.. that bores me to death! Where I have to deal with hypocrits and the political hierarchy of assholes everyday. I have a family who think I'm just useless and lacking direction.. that think I should just SETTLE for whatever I can get.. because "Only one in a million people love their jobs".. and according to them I'm just being unrealistic and naive.The man in my life, who I've put my future on hold for, tells me tonight, that the reason he hasn't made a decision to move in with me, or go travelling round the world with me (as we've been discussing the possibility of for years) is because he feels we're on different wavelengths.. and that I don't have any solid plans of what I want to do with my life.I am so confused.. I feel so stuck.. I feel like I'm only an inch tall and I have SOO many huge decisions to make.I look forward to hearing your thoughts.Thanks everyone.
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best friend, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Thanks everyone for the advice... it's been a huge help. I really appreciate it!I'm going to work on being more assertive and take control of my life to have the future I want. You only have one life! I'm just going to keep reminding myself of that! :)
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 October 2008):
 Both of the other 'aunts' (or uncles as the case may be lol) have given you excellent advice. Remember always: YOU have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. Be careful because the universe will deliver that which you THINK!
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, Oggy +, writes (5 October 2008):
 I couldn't have answered the question any better than "qcumbr1" has, i would really consider taking his advice as hes got it spot on. You need to become your own person and don't wait for nobody to tell you its alright to do something, its YOUR life live it YOUR way, and never settle for 2nd best. You are obviously a bright girl that i can see from your word choices, your just not in the right state of mind, and from what i've read of ur boyfriend he to seems a bit confused. He's in his comfort zone in his parents house and is afraid to take ah step out of his bubble incase things don't go the way he wants them to and he ends up with nothing. You need to talk to him about it and get it figured out, you cant spend your whole life waiting around for someone who doesn't know what they want. Take care and I wish you the best of luck :).
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