A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cant stop my way of thinking and its going to end up killing my relationship and probably destroy myself in the process.I have the greatest bf ever, he is the one I know Im going to end up marrying, we've talked about it and everything between us is just right.But I have a HUGE self-esteem/insecure problem.Im over-weight...I try incredibly hard to lose weight but unfortunately the reason I am over-weight in the first place is because of medical reasons. Therefore its not impossible for me to lose weight just very very very hard and the fact my pills arnt working for me makes it much harder.I see all these females on tv and in magazines and they just look perfect and I think I cant compete with that, especially because most of them (especially in magazines) dont even look like that themselves because they're photoshopped and have a thick layer of make-up on done by a professional and have special lighting etc and me I have none of that...Im fat, I have terrible skin (get break outs of spots at times because of my medical condition) and i also have to much hair for a female (also another thanks to my medical condition)My bf always tells me he loves me and just the way I am but I keep comparing myself. I see hot girls walking down the street and I check to see if he's looking and I even accuse him of it at times too or point out stupid things and he's even told me he doesnt look and doesnt feel very good when I say some of the things I do.He also has a stash of around 50/60 nuts and zoo magazines from about a year ago. He has started reading them again (he says for the football quotes because their funny) but it upsets me like you would not believe that he reads these magazines because all I think is that he's doing it to look at the pictures in it and check out the girls. He bought a new one (first time in ages) yesterday and I actually cried!!! I went in a mood with him and was like WTF are you buying that for and Ive told him many times I hate him reading them. Hes also one to say silly things which wind me up. Yesterday he was wearing sunglasses when it had stopped being sunny and I said why you still got them on and he said because its easier to check out girls this way, to which I look at him in a particular way and he smiles and goes look at that face. He does things like that alot which he knows winds me up but continues to do it. He'll also say things like oh she's hot and pick up the movie that it is or say an actresses name which he's noticed and be like omg she's so beautiful (like lauren ambrose) or be like lets watch this movie so atleast I can look at boobs and just things like that.He knows I hate it, he knows it winds me up yet he keeps doing it.Therefore I know my bf is not helping me one little bit but help. How can I get over this?....the thought makes me so upset and I cry to often over it.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 First of all, I don't think he's bullying you. However, I think he's sending you a message to ease up on him and yourself. He's already told you that he loves you as you are, but you can't let things sit. Not only that, but you're putting pressure on him and trying to control his life because of your insecurity.
You're accusing him of looking at other women, of not being truthful that he likes you for you, and you're hypersensitive of every look he makes at others. He's looking at lad magazines, which guys with supermodel girlfriends have been known to do on occasion. He should hide them better to be sure so as to not flaunt it, but then again, something tells me that you're looking *for* signs that he's reading them.
He's making comments about the glasses and looking at women because you keep accusing him of things. You're crying constantly and making your appearance such an issue and his every look a test of his love for you. Believe me when I tell you that it isn't your looks that will drive him away...it's your hypersensitivity and accusations. He's teasing you as a way to tell you to lighten up on yourself and him. Is this the right way to go about it? No way! But you should see the signs for what they are.
As for your weight, acne, and body hair issue, I can tell you that yes, there are medical conditions that will make it a lot harder to lose weight. Thyroid problems, steroid use, you name it. I have a kidney transplant AND hypothyroid issues...a double whammy. Do you use it as an excuse to not be as healthy as I can? No way! I *love* to work out. I also hate fatty sugary starchy foods, and I hate the way I feel after eating something like that.
You've been in the care of doctors, right? You need to see a dietician. They'll help you monitor and track your caloric and nutrition intake as well as when you eat and how often, and put you on a plan that will calibrate your metabolism and maximize the way you eat and when to keep you healthy and energetic. As for working out, you've got to stay ACTIVE. Move! Dance! Run! Lift weights. It not only feels REALLY GOOD, but it'll cleanse your mind of this sticky sick depression and self-anxiety, which will help you feel way more attractive at any body size.
Think of it as a soul and emotional flush and cleanse. Trust me, you'll laugh in the face of medical problems when you stay healthy. I feel pretty good because of it!
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Go back to your doctor and have him change your medication so you can lose weight. If that one doesn't work try another one and make sure you are getting some exercise every day and watching what you eat. Once you drop the extra weight your self esteem will soar. Everything you feel about yourself is tied to your weight. You have to drop the weight. Join Nutrisystems or Jenny Craig if you have to. Get on the right thyroid medication so you will not be fighting a losing battle and cut out a picture of a really hot girl in a bikini and tape it to your fridge and everytime you're tempted to eat a fattening snack, there she will be as a reminder of where you want to be someday. Just pick out a picture that's realistic (yes they are out there) not one that's ultra-stick skinny because you want to be healthy not anorexic. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): your boyfriend is being sooo insensitive by saying these things about other girls celebs ect especially if he knows you dont like it, its not wierd to be hurt by these thing, it gets me so wound up when my boyfriend talks about famous ''perfect'' people, i meen theres a difference between saying '' cheryl cole is so preety'' because it a conversation and you can agree with that and say yeah she is isnt she but when your boy friend completely stop the conversation he is having with you then he nearly jizz's over beyonces ass on the tele, it makes you feel not very nice at all, and if im honest boys that do that are soooooooo immature and childish, i meen we wouldnt do it them? if we did they would hate it, ive done it to my boyfirend before and hes just like huh? doesnt expect it but we dont need to do it because were not that needy, as a female i will never 100% understand the male species but one thing i do understand is that they develop at muchhh slower rate and half the time dont even realise there hurting you and theyll push you and push untill one day you crack and walk away and they will look back and realise what they lost, don't put up with his shit, let him talk about those other girls, go out with friends have a good time buy new clothes make your self feel nice and show him your life would be perfect wether he was in it or not, show him some independence ! good luck honey dont take any crap from him stand up for your self im sure he has many flaws himself xxx
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Your definately right; your bf is not helping the situation. He already knows you have self esteem issues and picking up magazines or movies and pointing out other ladies being *more attractive* is not funny.
It's bullying in a way.
He doesnt sound like a great bf at all... If he says he loves you and makes fun of you, does that sound like love?
NO.
Your crying and upset over this; and i can guarantee you that even beautiful people have problems.
If i was you; i'd rethink keeping this *type* of boyfriend and even prehaps joining a weight watchers group.
This way you can make new friends and lose the weight which you say makes you feel sad.
Goodluck
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