A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some advice on how to help my bf understand that I am still a horny young woman, not just a baby carrying machine!We've been together 20 months, and our sex life is usually great. The rest of our relationship is great too, we're both very happy :) I am 12 weeks pregnant now, and although it was unplanned, my bf had asked me to stop using contraception at the end of this year as he said he wanted to be a father. I was happy to wait a year or two, and I think it's fair to say that he was more positive than me at discovering the pregnancy. He's told his family and close friends, all of whom are pleased for him and excited for him. Whereas I'm not feeling excited or happy about it yet. I know a baby is a blessing, but I just don't feel that way about it yet.I'm not showing yet, and my morning sickness phase has passed now. The problem is, I feel like my bf, his friends/family, now just view me as a baby carrying machine. All they ever talk about is baby stuff. All he ever talks to me about is baby stuff, buying a house, getting married. I feel a little suffocated and like I'm already losing who I am. So I kinda tried to talk this out with him. I said I am worried that he's going to forget who I really am, and lose his passion for me if he sees me as a mother, particularly as my body begins to change shape as the pregnancy progresses. He assured me he will make time for me and him, that we don't always have to talk about baby stuff, that he will still be attracted to me as my body changes. So yesterday, he took me out on a 'date'. I'd been dropping hints that I'd love an excuse to wear one of my sexy little dresses before the baby bump starts showing and makes it so I can't wear my favourite clothes any more. He dressed up smart too. I wore his favourite underwear (stockings and suspenders :) ) and made a real effort to look good. We went for a romantic walk, and he talked baby stuff the whole time :( I asked if we could talk about it later, and just enjoy the surroundings, and he said ok. Then we went for a lovely meal in a smart restaurant. He told me he could tell I was wearing my stockings, and couldn't wait to get me home to rip my clothes off :) We had a nice, relaxing meal, although he did talk about mortgages and stuff for a bit, and then he carried on talking baby stuff on the way home.So usually, in that kind of scenario, we'd be very passionate as soons as we walked in through his door :) But this time, nothing. He gave me a hug, didn't really kiss me, nothing. Instead he showed me a frame he'd bought for our baby scan photo from a few days ago. Then he asked me to go to bed with him and he fell asleep, so I left. There's nothing else stressing him out in his life, he hasn't been at work for a couple of days so wasn't tired, but he just fell asleep with his arm around me, no kisses, nothing :( I feel so unattractive to him. Nothing else has changed about me or us. I want the old us back, I want us to go out, have fun, like we used to, not get bogged down in conversations about babies :( I'm happy to talk about that stuff at other times, just not when we're meant to be on a date.I guess I need some advice on what to do about this. I have taken him on surprise trips out, which kinda worked, like a surprise night out bowling or walk on the beach. I feel I have tried to explain my feelings to him in words, but it's not sinking in. I feel like I want someone (him!!) to see me/treat me as a sexy young woman again :( I'm worried that this is it now, that it's just going to get worse as my tummy grows and the baby arrives, and to me, it is important to feel attractive to/desired by my partner :(Any advice would be so welcomed. Thanks.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 You said in your post that he is more excited than you about being a parent. I think what is going on here is that he is totally wrapped up in being a father and you might be feeling a little resentful of his "seemingly" lost feelings for you. This whole being a parent is new to him and he has forgotten "you" in this process. Remind him. But know this, he will likely be an involved and loving father. How wonderful.
I think it's great that he is in a good place with the baby. I think it's great that he held you in his arms. He respects you.
You are going though different things too. Your body is changing, the relationship is changing-you ain't seen nothing yet. It's normal to go through the feelings you have about feeling unattractive, however pregnant women ARE attractive. This is a happy time, be happy.
The two of you just need to talk it out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): (original poster) Ha! Cerberus, your reply made me laugh! Thanks for all replies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): "Babe, listen there's something you need to understand, I am still a horny young woman, not just a baby carrying machine! I feel like I want someone (him!!) to see me/treat me as a sexy young woman again :( I'm worried that this is it now, that it's just going to get worse as my tummy grows and the baby arrives, and to me, it is important to feel attractive to/desired by my you and all you do is talk about how sexy you think I am but you're not showing it anymore.
I'm not a mother yet, I want to enjoy being a sexy young woman for the final few months that I have before motherhood and you need to do that through actions not words, I'm pregnant not disabled, I don't want to be wrapped in cotton and I want to be taken, is that so hard?"
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Tell him the truth: that the absolutely best way to ensure a healthy pregnancy and best delivery is for you to have sex pretty much on a daily basis, and for you to revel in how sexy you will feel being pregnant. It is to my mind totally the most sexy time ever, and I have done one pregnancy where I behaved as if I would break and totally refused sex, and the delivery came as a mighty shock, I can tell you, and then another where I deliberately had sex at least once a day pretty much, and had a fantastic delivery and it was all so much more natural and made so much more sense.
You MUST keep in touch with and even develop your sexuality while pregnant. Tell him that. It's true.
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