A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Everyday, it's the samething for poor lil' ol' me: I eat, sleep, play (video games), use the internet a lot, and that's it. The only times I ever really go outside are when I need to buy something and when I have an appointment. Sad, but true. Hello, I'm 20, have NO friends, NO job, nothing. I'm a bona fide loner who does not fit in at all and I never have. I've NEVER had a girlfriend due to my shyness and lack of confidence and because of all of this, I know that I have a snowball's chance in hell of ever being involved in a relationship with a girl who'll like me. I've never even had a friend who is a girl!!! I mean what girl would like someone with these attributes (or lack thereof) who has NO friends, NO confidence, NO car, etc.? I'm not a bad-looking person tho. I'm a nice person and I've even had a few girls ask me out (in middle school), but nothing came of it due to said shyness and lack of confidence. I'm miserable, I'm depressed, sometimes suicidal, and I've hit bottom. I take solace in reading about other peoples' misfortunes on this site and get jealous when reading about guys who get tons of action from girls; guys who have friends; guys who are liked and loved by girls; guys who go out partying and stuff - the good life. That's how wretched I am. Any advice or something to comfort me would be great. Oh, did I mention that I am socially inept and socially awkward (amongst other things...)? HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): Ok Bro Sorry I;m not gonna give you comfort but I feel you don't really need that- what you need is ADVICE and that's what I'm gonna give you. Let me tell you something- the only thing 'bona fide loser' ish about you is your ATTITUDE and LIFESTYLE.At the moment youre in a vicious cycle of just sleeping, eating, playing video games, doing nothing with your life and going nowhere kind of thing... and you feel a dire loser- but really you have NO ONE to blame but YOURSELF! The only thing stopping you from having a proper life is YOU! And there's NO GOOD in simply blaming yourself and continuing... you need to make the right changes.So you feel alone and unloved because... you're shy, you lack confidence, you've never fit in, you don't have a job, friends, gf ... etc.Dude, as cheesy as it sounds- you need to stop focusing on the negatives and look at the postives... let's see... you're alive- that's a good start. You're not REALLY depressed or suicidal it sounds to me though if you are stupid enough (if anyone was stupid enough) you could wrap yourself up in a black hole of unnessessary misery and despair and just go downwards. You're not mentally disabled, phsyically disabled... I'm assuming you have family? And you seem like you're doing ok as you have the time to play video games and go on the internet...so what to do? Start using your time better that will bring you closer to your goals.So the problem: basically you want a LIFE and a gf (remember the 2 shouldn't always mean the same thing especially at your age!)You have 3 main wishes... GF. Friends. Job. Probably in that priority for you too.But assuming you are really as socially awakward and shy as you insist on thinking of yourself- let's start with the easiest...1. JOBWhat job experience do you hav? I'm sure you have some. Get some family members or go online and get advice on what jobs would be good for you and then put together a good CV and start applying! The more you apply for- the more chances you have of getting a job ;) Also once you've gotten over the job barrier- other challenges won't be as hard anymore, you'll be feeling great and ready to take on the world, you'll be made more attractive with your added feature of a having a job;) and you will feel just that much less of a loser :)2. FRIENDSAnd as for the friends- I PROMISE you after a good month or so of having a job you're bound to hav at least one friend even if they aren;t that close :)3. GFDon't focus on wanting a gf. Focus on the job and friends and improving YOU and just getting out there and living life. The GF will come naturally TRUST ME ;)Also a handy thing to do would be to Make a weekly plan- keep a special diary.Make it a note to give yourself little challenges that will take you towards your goals and gradually icnrease these goals i.e. saying hi to the cute girl behind the counter at the supermarket, ask a librarian for help- make some easy, light conversaiton, make a list of jobs you could apply for, find work experience to put into your CV, make the CV... etc.Joining some kind of club or taking up a hobby of your interest would be awesome for you too.Example: Why not go for a job around the park? You never know who you might meet there ;) And being out and around in public is healthy and will boost your confidence a little :) Also you will be getting fitter and stronger- bringing your overall performance up more and making you more attractive ;)Aaaand physical exercise pumps up your adrenalin and releases endorphins- could very nicely help give you that BOOST you need to get OUT of your loser life misery and get INTO your LIFE!You are NEVER alone and there are ALWAYS people out there to love you- I don't know you but I'm sure there already are people who love you and you just overlook them.So stop depressing and dreaming and start DOING!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Take the first step and go outside! If you need a girlfriend to make yourself feel worthy, then you are just making her into a trophy. It seems that there isn't anything wrong with you. You just have been cooped up in your house for so long that you have begun to feel depress. Go to a social gathering. It might be difficult at first. If you really want to become happier, then you have to gain confidence and try to connect with other people.
1.) Put away your games for a while.
2.) Lounge at a cafe (try to get the feel)
3.) (Do you have a job? You can try talking to some of your work mates)
4.) Smile often (people want to forget their troubles or relieve their worries when they go out with friends)
5.) Don't worry so much about getting a gf (Why do guys want girlfriends so badly? We're not decorated scarves, ya know. We want to be treated with respect.) Try to make friends first.
6.) Save up for a car if you really need it. Don't buy a car just b/c it makes you look cool.
7.) Think POSITIVE (people are attracted to optimistic people)
I agree completely with QuirkLady!
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A
female
reader, arie +, writes (23 May 2009):
 first of all dont be gettin a suididal cuz i care about you and i dont even know you. but anywayz you really need to get out more, u say that you are alwayz at home playing video games and such and u want to be the guy getting alot of chicks, so get yo butt up and do something about it. life waits for no one and you are the only one who can do something about it. it is up to you to change your life, cuz our advice only goes so far. i hope this is a motivation for you. the guys who are getting alot of chicks, how do you think they did that?.........they got their lazy butts up off the couch and did something. you cant find friends just at home all the time ok. you wont find anything but yourself getting more and more comfortable being around people cuz ur not use to being out, so get up and get going duuude. sometimes you have to change things about yourself, like laziness, u want to get out, go out, find yourself a job ok. this is only the beginning, and if you are so shy around girls, i suggest you go out saying hi to random people just for practice and getting the hang of being around people. you say so many bad things about yourself and you need to stoppit! a negitive attitude will get you no where but the place that you dont want to be the most. so raise up high tell yourself that u are the Shiznit lolz. i hope u liked my advice and hope everything works out for you ok. godbless
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 May 2009):
 I can empathize with you because I have struggled with the same problems. Then I discovered how to turn it around.
1) Even if you're not confident, act as if you are.
2) Smile at the world. Not a huge, dopey grin, but smile as if you are thinking about something nice. People will respond to you. Don't think of it as faking or pretending - think of it as practicing to be the person you want to be.
3) Read more so you'll have things to talk about.
4) Compliment people. People love to hear nice things about themselves. Don't overdo it though, just sprinkle them in.
Talking to people is still a big problem for me though. I sometimes will start a little conversation at the bus stop. People expect those to be short so I can disengage if it gets too overwhelming.
Also, my friend is dating a nice guy with no car. Material things don't really matter if you have developed a good personality.
Good luck. It won't be easy, but if you work hard your life will really change for the better. Mine did!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): Okay, well I think the first thing to work on would be your self-esteem. You have such a poor opinion of yourself. Do you think you could see your doctor or someone? They might be able to find a counsellor for you to talk to. They will also be able to help you work on feeling better about yourself.If you feel so negative about yourself, you might be driving people away without realising it. If someone were to like you, you would probably think of all the reasons why they shouldn't or couldn't like you, and that can come across to the other person. It kind of gives across a feeling that you are trying to push them away.It might take little steps, like going out for walks or something, just to get out and be around people. And it might sound silly, but even smiling to people, or saying hello, can help lift your mood, especially if you get a good reaction back!I know this might not be easy, but the first step is usually the hardest. You just need to give it a lot of effort and make a start. x
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