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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: It's been asked a billion times. How to get a crush out of ones head.As the story goes... I met a woman, I fell for her from the first second I saw her, we talked, I could not take her off my mind and we met and met again, at some point I confronted her and presented my interest in her, and she seemed to be confused and told me that she is not looking for a relationship. When I met her again, I saw her taking off with another man. For some reason she did not contact me nor I contacted her ever since.Obviously, I should have let this thing go, but I still have a crush on her and I cannot get her off my mind.The problem is, I cannot contact her, as I've decided to give it a break and try to fight it and let itself wear off. But it's been now too long and it's affecting my life and my work. Even being with other women, I still think of her, our conversations and what might have been, and how I prefer her.The funny thing is how this came after a long relationship with someone else, that I did not love that much, and perhaps it added to the whole thing. I kept thinking of how nice it would be to have simpler relationships but instead I really got pulled into this thing.I know that what I should do is take my mind off it, and I've been trying very very hard, but now I'm just frustrated and desperate, literally, I'm in pain and it's been like that for a long time. I need advice.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous999  +, writes (29 January 2011):
This feeling will be there for a very long time and you will not be able do anything about it. You have to follow your heart, you cannot take her out of your mind as she has got your heart. You need to decide what you want and what will make you happy. If you are not happy because you have to forget about her maybe this was not a right decision. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I think you may have built up a bit of a fantasy figure of her, as you never actually had a relationship with her. So you can imagine her being everything you ever wanted, but the reality may have been very different. She didn't want to pursue things with you and never contacted you. So it's not as if there was a possiblity there that you missed. It's a 'dream' that you are obsessed with, a person who can never disappoint you, never argue with you because they don't really exist anywhere but in your head now. So think of it that way. It may just help you see things in a different light.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Stop trying. By "trying" to get over her you're keeping her in your mind.
Just make sure you never contact or see her again, accept that you're crazy about this woman and it will pass in time.
The whole "trying" thing is making you obsessive, just allow your feelings to remain where they are, don't stress them, accept them.
You didn't give a time frame in your answer. How long has this been going on? Do you see her often? How did you meet her?
Let us know a little bit more detail so we can see the extent of your obsession and advise you better.
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A
female
reader, Cherrie_StPierre  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 It's natural for you to still think about her because you viewed her as a perfect woman. You have to give it time. I know you have been but it can sometimes take many many months if not years to get over someone. I know it's hard. I do suggest that you keep seeing other women. But you have to start trying harder to not compare every woman to her. There are so many beautiful and special woman out there. She was not the only one for you. I also have a few suggestions. Take up a new hobby. Maybe even some exercise or weightlifting. It will take your mind off her. I also suggest maybe getting a pet. If you don't already have one that is. And most important, try to gain your old life back, before this crush. Go out with some friends and just try to have some fun. Laughter relieves tension and stress and will also relieve your mind a bit. Take care xoxoxo
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