A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and I am a virgin still. I know i shouldn't think so much of it but the only reason I still am one is because every time I've been presented with the opportunity to have sex i got scared that i wouldn't do good enough and backed down. It's not that I am ugly person that can't get a date or don't know how to talk with girls its that i cannot get over the fear of not being able to satisfy a women. I've already had two girlfriends ready to have sex but the reason i didn't was because of the fear and because i didn't tell either one of them that i was a virgin. Any advice would be helpful because i can't go on forever having this fear consume me, so what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, torres7 +, writes (19 April 2010):
 i dated a guy like u before you need 2 stop doubting your self and go with wat u want in life and when u do hav sex make sure its wit sumone u rlly lov and u will feel more confident with urself
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): first time sex is never going to be perfect no matter what you do - its just a case of being as comfortable as you can be and with someone you care for ... its the practice that brings the perfect as you learn how to pleasure each other and what turns each of you on. Be honest with the girl you eventually chose to have sex with - because then she'll be more understanding if things are a bit on the quick side or you are not sure where things go/how to move. If she is a fellow virgin then you can learn together and if she is not, then she can guide you on the start of your sexual adventure :) Me personally, i would not be put off by a virgin.
(ps. i love my virginity age 24, there is no rush - do it when you feel ready)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): How many times when you do something for the first time, are you really good at it? When you learn to walk as a baby you don't do it without falling on your butt a few times. As with anything, you getting better at it the more you do it. The more you fret about it the worse it will get. Next time you find someone you want to have sex with go for it, and even if the first time isn't wonderful, given time it will be, the fact that you are even bothered if you will satisfy a woman is a good sign. Remember most people's first time isn't great. Just try to relax about it all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): I lost my virginity at your age, it was an unplanned drunken mess and pretty crap, but it doesn't matter one bit.
You have sex built up too much in your mind, like I had. It's not about being good or bad when you're losing your virginity. You don't put a kid on a bike for the first time and think less of them because they fall off (horrible analogy I know hehe).
That's kind of why I disagree a little with Heather's post. Sure it's useful to know that stuff but it's just adding to the big deal you've made out of sex, you're a virgin whoever your first will be will not mind in the slightest if your not immediately the best they've ever had.
Sex isn't a big deal, you'll realize that once you've done it. Next time an opportunity presents itself take it. hen when your done, tell her that it was your first time, no big deal.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (18 April 2010):
 don't be afraid and you don't have to tell them :) Watch porn to get some techniques and you'll be fine. Noone is casanova the first time .
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A
male
reader, DwayneC +, writes (18 April 2010):
 First off before you do anything else with another woman when you get into that stage of wanting to have sex with her or her wanting to have sex with you. TELL THEM!!!! That'll smooth out a lot of problems. It may be a little embarrassing at first but it will have whatever you need to have out there because she will know where you stand. And there is nothing wrong with asking for directions to her treasure between her legs. ALL of us guys need to ask our women that so that we know what will get them off so we will both be happy. So ask her how to please her..don't be afraid to do so it won't kill you. Just like you ask for help in anything else. Ask her how to please her.
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A
female
reader, heather108 +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Make a small investment in yourself and buy a copy of "The Joy Of Sex" (Revised) by Alex Comfort and read it. After you do that, you will have a better basic knowledge of human sexuality than most girls you're likely to meet. It's even better if you have a girlfriend and the two of you read it together. Concerned about penis size? - Not as important as you might think and your attention to details and technique is far more important to her than any effort to get in deeper. If your current girlfriend should come up with that old worn out question, "Is sex all guy think about?" - The proper answer is, "Yes, I'm afraid is because that's the normal plan of action as laid out by Mother Nature." When you feel the time is right, it's up to you to make the move at the right place and time of your choosing. Privacy will most likely be pretty high on her list of needs, so it's up to you to be sure of a time when there is no posibility of interuption by visitors or phone calls to kill the mood. Turn off cell phones and unplug the others.Light several candles (set them in a plate so they're not a fire hazard) and turn off all other lights. Split a bottle of wine or champaign with her before and make the first time a special event. Also read (and reread) http://www.the-clitoris.com/ You have already let several years of your prime time sex life pass you by, so get on with it. ps- There are lots of young ladies out there that will literally love you for making the effort.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Be upfront and honest when the relationship has moved to the point where sex might be an option. If the girl has a problem with it, she's not the right one. But I really doubt that any girl you're open with will have an issue. More likely she'll be a bit more likely to let you know what works for her, and she'll probably have a far better experience than with some guy who's "been around." Chill, man -- the fact that you want it to be good for her puts you miles ahead of lots of guys.
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