A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Boyfriend goes through extreme lengths to chase me then avoids me.Let me start by saying, I am currently in school full time and will be graduating in June with my Bachelor's degree. I also have a full time job and am interning with a 2 local businesses in my local area.He has already graduated with his Bachelors and has secured a lucrative career.We were together over 8 months ago(3 year relationship), but I ended it because he would get extremely "busy", sometimes depressed, then would totally and completely neglect me by doing the following:- Wouldn't reply to my texts/phone calls- Would go MIA for weeks at a time, especially around the holidays.- Found time to post comments on his facebook, but would not reply to my personal messages to him.I found out later that he would knowingly do this and knew that it hurt me. He just didn't want to be bothered and I am expected to accept that.Please keep in mind, when I do contact him, I allow a certain amount of days to go by as I know what it is to be busy and do not want to cling to him 24/7.Just recently, he contacts me, crying his eyes out(something he never does), telling me how he realizes he took me for granted and that he wishes for another chance. Also, how he is ready to settle down within the next year or so and couldn't see himself with any one else but me.He even proceeded to travel 10 hours to pick me up and take me home, convincing me the entire time that he is a changed mature man and that I am his future, flowers in tow and a stop at the beach watching the stars.I feel so bad knowing that he did this Huge thing by transporting me, but something about this situation has me very confused.Shortly after the trip, we had the most amazing conversations and he kept bringing up that weekend as the most amazing time of his life.Two months later, he is back to his old ways. He is calling me once every other week and never replying to my texts.I have maintained my new confidence, new groove self throughout this revisited relationship, so I am not sure of what is pushing him away at the moment. I text-ed him earlier yesterday just hoping that he had a good day, and he has yet to text me back; yet, I am seeing new status's, reply to posts, etc. It appears he is very frustrated in his status's and is requesting space from everyone including his own family.I am extremely busy myself, but when someone expresses wanting a future with me in the near-future, I think that certain things need to be put in place to secure our future, more than just "financially".I have a ton of pride but am extremely humble when it comes to relationships, as I know this is needed for any union to succeed. However, I'm afraid to let my guard down with him. I feel as if I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.Any advice sweeties?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have a very close friend who is a psychology major and she mentioned Depression and men with ISTP behavior. With ISTP behavior, a man will tend to be more mechanical, going MIA for long periods of time, then coming back like everything is still the same. Can this be him? And if so, will a guy like this be a huge responsibility to take on. I tend to be more of a nurturer and a giver.
A
male
reader, Pazush  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Hi,
basicly there are people who goes into relationships only after they guaranteed their careers. others are afraid the relationship might sabotage their success.
you should discuss with him, either he will make scheduled time for you more than once a 3 months, or he will marry his career.
although you must know that the distance between dates and contact has to be larger because you both are very busy. thats how it is.
you might spend more time together if you talk about your busy days at evenings, half an hour a day seems to be enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I dated a guy like that (sometimes went MIA, didn't respond to my calls or texts). And I tried to work around it, and I tried to accept him. And you know what? I DID accept it. I accepted that this was who he was and I couldn't expect him to change.
And I knew I didn't want to spend my life with someone with that quality. I needed someone who would be responsive, communicative, where I could trust completely and rely on that person.
So I moved on and left him. And he really was a nice good guy, actually. And as much as I loved him, I knew that ultimately he wasn't what I was looking for in a partner. However hard it was afterwards, however lonely it got, I knew that I couldn't spend the rest of my life with this type of guy, and I needed to move on to find someone better suited to me.
You may love him, he may have excellent qualities and he may have moments where he treats you well. In short, he may not be a bad guy at all! But the question is, is this what you want in a guy?
It's a compatibility issue. And you shouldn't settle for something if it really bothers you. So, if it is NOT what you want, and knowing you can't change him, then you need to consider moving on and finding someone better suited to you as well. It's okay if you still love him, sometimes it isn't enough for a long term stable relationship...
Good luck!
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