A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just turned 17 and I am in college, so I am a lot younger than all of my friends, my youngest friend is over a year older than me. So all of my friends are a lot more experienced than me - with boyfriends/girlfriends and all. I've never even had a boyfriend before, and this is kind of embarrassing but I'll say it anyway because it's relevant, I recently had my first kiss. I know it's very late for that but I seem to have very high standards and all of the guys I had ever been around didn't meet those standards. Anyway, the kiss was on a drunken night out with over 300 students from my college and I don't even remember the guy and it wasn't even a proper kiss because he just kind of lunged at me and I was disorientated for a minute and pushed him off pretty quick, made an excuse about having a boyfriend, and ran.I don't want to sound vain or full of myself or anything, but I reckon I'm all right looking, even attractive, yet no guys ever come near me. Whereas, my friend who (I'll try to say this as nicely as possible) is not as good-looking seems to get with a different guy every time we go out (usually more than one, there's a night where it might have been five, but she's not a slut or anything).And when we go out and there's a guy I do like and who I think might like me back, I'm afraid to make any moves in case I embarrass myself, no matter how drunk I am. I can be drunk enough to do the limbo dance and fall over and still not be embarrassed, but when it comes to guys, I have ZERO confidence.Can anyone help me please?
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female
reader, Laurenc76  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Your putting way too much pressure on yourself. You need to relax and enjoy yourself. I always try to be nice to everyone, no matter how hot or not the guy is, and believe it or not people are really drawn to that.
Your 17 you have plenty of time for dating and all that good stuff. I went to a Catholic school, and then a public high school, so my first kiss was at 16, and it was terrible !! You know your good looking so don't put so much pressure on yourself, a simple smile or "hey" will go along way, and you don't have to be wasted to do it.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Being good-looking isn't enough, you have to seem approachable. This is all about body language and demeanor. You have to appear friendly and engaging - a guy should look at you and think, "I bet she would not shoot me down instantly, and I bet she would be interesting to talk to."
It's possible to overdo it. Your friend is failing at it by being *too* approachable. Do you really think having a different guy every night makes her a winner (whether that's as just a date, or more)? It means she can't keep one. She's too approachable, and comes off as flighty, probably not worth long-term investment.
Being drunk is a good way to screw up your level of approachability. You'll either be loud and annoying (therefore, not worth approaching), or way too forward (therefore, not worth long-term attention).
So, stop at three drinks from now on. Make eye contact and smile, maybe wave a little. Prepare a few interesting bits of conversation - if there's a lull, start talking about them; otherwise save them for later.
Lastly, and most importantly, learn to accept that failure is a part of success. You have to be willing to get embarassed - it's really not that bad, you get used to getting shot down pretty quickly. If you're not willing to take a chance for a guy, why should he take one for you?
Drink less, smile and make eye contact, and if you won't take a chance, do everything you can to make it easier for those who will.
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