A
female
age
41-50,
*taciechill
writes:I have been dating my guy for over two years. He is the first boyfriend I have lived with. We have gone through so much together and have gelled together as a team. I know without a doubt that he loves me very much. He is a flirty ladies man type of guy with a magnetic personality so women are always attracted to him. His flirtyness especially when it comes with my friends or his ex's makes me uncomfortable. I know that I may have a case of paranoia but he has amazed me with his lies and secrets in the past. When I first started dating him he would constantly text other women. There is no bound with him and women i can't trust his girlfriends to just be friends because they are all trying to get in close with him. Most of them got the picture when i came around, now the only woman that is still around is his ex. They continue to text sexual information and I fear what will happen on his nights out with the guys. I am a very attractive woman and deal with men and their lust all the time but I keep a line up especially when he is near. I don't want to seem unapproachable or stuck up but I make sure men know that they can only get so far. He on the other hand seems to invite it all then back away slightly when he hooks them in. It is almost like he has a strong desire to be liked that makes him act this way.When we first began dating we both ended long term relationships with older people. Our ex's were attractive but not as attractive as we are. My ex was a musician, I dealt with him spending months away from me out on the road. His ex's have all been flirty attractive women who are ok with double standards. I am a strong woman and don't agree. He expects me to be okay with his flirting and looks and comments while I am expected to be like a trophy like my attraction should only be to him. This is what bothers me the most if we were in an open relationship i could deal. He tells me has not been with other woman and I know this is not true. He hides what he has done so he doesn't have to deal with me about it but he reminds me of my infedility in the past when were dating. He and I are great with people and always have friends around because of our fun party energy. He pushes me to go out and be me even if it gets other men's attention. He may get a little jealous, but he wants me to shine. I want him to shine too but it seems like he has no boundaries. His shinning can be taken as disrespectful so I don't encourage that side of his personality too much. I encourage the fun, he always goes overboard. We are getting to a point where decisions have to be made. I want him to be who he is but I want him to respect me and our relationship first. I don't want to hear from friends about what he has done or deal with jealous women who want him.I had trust issues with my ex and explained this to my current boyfriend. I saw patterns of the same in consistencies as my ex did so I began to not take my new boyfriend seriously. I assumed he was some sort of a ladies man and would only divulge information when he felt the need to. I would ask him questions but I felt he was lying or not telling the full story. I in turn acted accordingly and had sex with other men as well. Mind you were still just dating but he was under the impression I wanted to be with just him. We even discussed dating other people and he didn't want to hear too much about it.Now I am dealing with a sex life that is sporadic. He is always lusting after other women I want to feel more of that from him. I am unsure what to do with our relationship. i love him very much and we have grown a lot together. I have an opportunity to move out of state. This may the break that we need to discover what we are to each other or it may be the space that he needs to sew his oats while I am away. Either way I am afraid of what will happen when I am not around. To him I am paranoid and making a bigger deal than I need to. He doesn't understand how this part of our relationship affects everything. I feel I can't trust him and am not sure if I want to invest anymore time on something that will not last due to our differences. I
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female
reader, staciechill +, writes (9 August 2010):
staciechill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice it has been quite helpful. It is quite a lot to think about. He is extremely intelligent so i always feel I have to be on my P's and Q's so I am not missing any vital information that can help me see the bigger picture. He has been great the last few days but honestly I believe because I have changed my focus off of our problems and focused on what i enjoy about him. We have gotten closer and our communication is better. I also stopped putting soo much weight on what I think he is doing and decided to enjoy my life. if he is in it he will be there as all things that are meant to be. If he is not he is not I am going to stop making it such a do or die focal point and just let life flow. Thank you.
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