A
male
age
51-59,
*oveless t
writes:long made short,wife cheated with a women, thinks she's gay and we have two kids.(update) she has a friend a women that visits her a lot around the kids.my oldest like the women a lot. the women gives my oldest child little giftsquestion: am concerned that this could become a problem in the future between me and my child because i dont by her gifts when i see her.and the women stayed at the house one night as far as i know i think this could confuses a 6 year old. i sent my ex a email that we need to talk about some of these concerns of mine.am i over reacting?
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male
reader, loveless t +, writes (19 December 2011):
loveless t is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to thank you all for your answers thank you
i want to say am not biter about my wife being gay am biter that she lies
and continue to lie. my children is all i care about her cheating is something she will have to deal with, maybe its me but before you cheat leave the marriage.
also if she knew she might be gay at the age of 17 like she says then don;t marry me and have children with me!....... so ya i might be a little biter because i don't like to be played the fool.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): "am i over reacting?"
No, your concerns are justified.
Your ex should not be entertaining overnight guests of either sex; by doing so she is giving a total stranger unfettered access to your children. Unacceptable under any circumstances. If ex wants company in the bedroom, the kids spend the night with you. Period.
Never a good idea for split-up parents to expose their children to a parade of "aunts" or "uncles," regardless if they are same-sex or opposite-sex. Your kids are becoming attached to someone who is buying their affection before she likely vanishes from their lives in short order, leaving them even more confused than they already are by their mother breaking up their home.
Obviously your ex's desire to walk on the wild side takes precedence over the well-being of her children. It's up to you to put their interests first. Don't back down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): No, you aren't; if you have worries, you're right to voice them. Has your ex replied to your email yet?
Regarding the gifts, you don't need to try and buy your daughter's love, you know! From the point of view of a child, no amount of presents can make up for quality time spent with your dad... doing things together, enjoying new experiences, making memories. Of course the odd gift as a treat would be appreciated, but you don't want to spoil your child. She would see your ex's friend in a completely different role to you anyway: as far as she knows, this woman is mummy's friend - and your parents' friends often bring you something small when they drop by, right?
I think it *is* important to discuss the situation with your ex. You need to agree on how you plan to explain the dynamics of your family to your children as they grow up, because sooner or later they'll invariably start asking questions. For now, you can only see what your ex says and take it from there. Good luck and take care :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): No, but your ex was probably traumatized at some point in her sexual development. Stay involved with your child, try to understand your ex as much as possible and stay talking with her and be understanding of the issues that come up. Get professional help from a good counselor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): There's no evidence that lesbian parents are any more likely to raise maladjusted children than heterosexual parents.
In fact, some of them raise pretty awesome kids:
http://front.moveon.org/two-lesbians-raised-a-baby-and-this-is-what-they-got/
No offense, but it sounds to me like you might be a little bitter and/or prejudiced toward your ex, and are looking for reasons to critique her life choices. Well, as long as they are not flagrantly sexual in front of the kids, I'm not sure this is a valid reason. Good luck
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