A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is this girl that my boyfriend has slept with a couple of times. Once when he was with his on again/off again ex - they were off at the time. The second time he was broken up with a different ex (though they did get back together). It was a year later. Anyway, he hasn't seen her since getting together with me but he is going to a party she will be at in a couple of weeks. I'm sort of scared! Should I be? He says when it happened both times it was a casual (drunken) thing on both their parts. And he's not drinking for the whole of this year so he won't be drunk. Why am I so afraid he still likes her. I know he loves me. I think it was the fact that he was temporarily broken up with his exes at the time. Though he may have thought it permanent. :'-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): I'm the OP. Thank you 'like I see it' - a good grounding message. He has said that I can come,it's a charity event that his family are involved in. My friends birthday is the same night, maybe il suggest we do half and half if he likes. He knows I get a bit jealous and to b honest I think that's why he invited me :-/ I won't say a word in advance - I will try not to let the insecurity shine through
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (20 January 2014):
 Is there a reason you can't accompany him to the party? If you two have been a couple for some time, his friends shouldn't exclude you from their social events. If the party includes people of both genders (i.e. it's not a boys' get-together) then guests shouldn't be barred from bringing their significant others.
Other than that, I'm afraid you will just have to trust him. He didn't cheat on his exes with this girl - she was just a cheap drunken hookup in between relationships. For what it's worth, it sounds like he had multiple opportunities to date her if he wanted to; it's rare that all a woman truly wants from a man really is "just sex." He may have seen his time with her as a drunken fling but I can almost guarantee you she would have been open to more. Read through some of the posts on this site from women who had one-night stands and you'll see what I mean.
He chose you instead, which speaks volumes about which of you he finds to be better girlfriend material.
What you should not do under any circumstances is continue to heckle him about her if he does attend the party without you. Doing so not only makes you appear insecure (not an attractive trait in anyone, male or female) but also effectively punishes him for something he hasn't done wrong, which he will almost certainly resent. Don't undermine an otherwise healthy relationship just because his past with this girl makes you anxious.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): Why are you not going to the party??? If you are an item you should be there. If you're not invited and she's going then he should be willing not to go.
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