A
female
age
36-40,
*XJDXx
writes:I'm just praying someone will be able to give me some advice.. This is very complicated so please bear with me.First off I'm a 22yr old mother of 3, my two sons 6yrs and 3months live with me while my daughter who is 3yrs lives with her father.She has been living with him for 2yrs now.I split with her father in the end due to domestic violance (from him) and shortly after he involved social services saying I "physically and mentally abuse" my children. Social services were involved previously from complaints by neighbours regarding the violance.Social workers at the time became involved for a short period then closed the case as they had no concerns of my parenting.At the time of the break up I was giving him 3 nights per week access to my son and daughter and was also working a 50hr p/w job, I had to leave my job due to the child care issues with some very unsociable hrs.I had to put in a claim for benefits and they refused this for 4 months as they quoted I had "willingly left my job" I was struggling to meet the rent and the housing were really coming down on me threatening me with eviction ect and said if it came to that they had no legal obligation to re-house me and the children. I have forgotten to mention at this time I also had care of my two teenage sisters one of whom is still with me and my 4yr old cousin who is now in foster care. By this point I was really begining to struggle mentally as well as finacially and then a family member of mine who was my best friend died while she was 8 months pregnant to an asthma attack and we lost the baby as well. That was it for me I just broke down and couldn't cope anymore, it was like I was on auto pilot I made sure all the children were fed, clothed and bathed but I know emotionally I wasn't really there for them, I didn't bother with house work very often and the living conditions became quite bad at one point, and back came the social workers..I snapped our of my depression quite sharpish knowing I stood a risk of loosing my children due to my mental state and general untidiness of the home. I pulled myself up and sorted my act out, they helped me sort out my benefits and things really started to get better. My sisters then returned to my mothers care as she seemed to be making progress with her alcoholism. Then the news came that she had relapsed and attacked my sisters again so I felt I had a duty to protect them, I went to my mums to help my sisters and try to help her, I'd left my house keys with a neighbour to feed my cats while I was away. They left my backdoor open and long story short my cars were killed and my home was now filled with teenagers taking drugs, drinking ect everything I owened was stolen or broken.. I no longer had a home. Needless to say I was evicted as it was all "my own fault" I tried involving police but they said as I'd gave my key willingly it wasn't a police matter and there was nothing they could do. I was heart broken.Social services then placed my sisters with their father and me into a b and b back home, they said as I no longer had anywhere to live the children would need to be placed on the CP register so they could provide us with the best resorces possible, they told me that they Were NOT going to remove my children but my cousin would have to go into foster care but I would have all the access to her i wished to have untill she could return to me at a later date. 1 week later my mother offered to sign over her house to me and the children, I didn't want to move so far away but with everything going on I felt I had to to provide my lil ones with some stability. I informed the social services of my plans and the next day while my children were in day care they removed them and kicked me out of the bnb I was homeless and so utterly destroyed I just didn't know what to do. They didn't let me see them for almost 7 weeks and even them it was only for one hr!! Supervised. Me and the kids did nothing to deserve what happened and all I was told was get housed an you can have them back..So I did, then they said they needed to do parenting reports ect ect long story short I eventually had my son home 19 months ago on the understanding my daughter would also return at a later date zoom forward to now and situation is thisMy ex has a residence order for my daughter and I have a contact order in place, my ex was/is breeching the terms of the conditions so I went back to my solicitor. We have another court hearing next week as he's in contempt of court, but now he's refusing me contact as of today (having found out we are back in court) with my daughter saying things like "she constantly goes back covered in cuts and bruises" and "she smells of urine" ect it's all lies!! after everything that's happens over the last 3yrs I'm petrifyed I'm going to loose my kids again I have no faith in the system and I just don't know what to do. Please help!!
View related questions:
best friend, cousin, drugs, my ex, neighbour, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): First of all I WILL PRAY FOR YOU! As far as what you need to do is give all your cares, concerns, problems, etc to the Lord. If Christianity is not your belief then talk to your higher power. Now with that being said, the housing situation is fairly easy. You have to be willing to put a little elbow grease behind it. You need to contact your local housing authority. This is usually dictated by county and or state. Go there and apply for Section 8. Section 8 is a program that assists you with making a safe and stable living environment for you and all minors that you are taking care of. The hardest part would be coming up with your deposits that you will need. Being as though you do not have any income a letter will be needed to attest your income. With your situation being this severe you will be put on the emergency or high risk list. This means you will be bumped up the list of others that are on this waiting list. This program allows you to choose where you want to live opposed to living in a "HOUSING PROJECT" or better know as the "PJs" or the projects. This program after a year will help you become a home owner after being in the program for a year. After a complete year you may also use your voucher in a different state. This vouvher is indeed portable. The other good thing about this program is what money is left over from paying the rent goes towards your utilities. You may be able to find a place where the rent and all utilities are covered and you will be able to BREATHE!Now, if this doesn't sound ideal to you and you wish to stay in your mother's house then still sign up for the program. You still have 3 months after approval to find a place or give up your spot. Your mother's house may be approved for this program after inspection and if she chooses not to charge you rent then you can use all the voucher for utilites. Now, doesn't it seem as those your grass is getting greener by the minute!?As far as the custody battle for the children he would have to prove you an unfit mother to have the children completely removed from you. Part of your mediation there are questions that are asked about violence in the house and you should answer these questions truthfully. Trust me no judge wants to seperate children from their parents. Do you love your children? Yes, because if you didn't you wouldn't have posted this looking for a response. However, guess what? That judge doesn't! So, you and the father know what's best for your children and you need to let him know this in mediation. Sweety with this being said I hopw and pray that your situation only becomes better and I wish you much luck! Keep your head up!
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (28 August 2010):
Iam truly sorry for what you and your children are going through! and the system can be pretty nasty, and throw your past and your mothers bad habits in there your whole life story too! and of course the Ex- at all does not help matters! because he wants revenge on you and they will hold your kids hostage because they really don't want them they just want to get back at you or they will use the kids knowing you'll come back and also they do not want to pay child support: you see i went through the exact same thing as you are going through now it was the hardest and longest road of recovery for me my Ex- when i said no more he too ran to the social services and took his mother and our son and told them i burned him w/ a cigarette, which was a fabricated lie well they found it unfounded 10 weeks later! get this because my son was inconsisted w/ his stories how can a child be consistant when they make him lie my heart broke for my son, and at this point he was being brain washed and wants nothing to do w/ me i too was staying in a shelter and had only supervised visits! everyone and everything was against me except for the shelter!! i moved 3000 miles away had no family or support i lived in a small gossip town, so what i had to do was leave & get my life together! and then go back and fight for my son because you see they are going to wear you down you are in a corner and you cant get out you become exhausted mentally and phyiscally so you don't handle it in the best way. you have got to find the right connection slow down and breath and put you and your children first right now. please i don't mean to sound uncaring how can you drag or where can you put the other sibblings right now know in your heart that you have not and will not forget about them and it is only temporaily. move in your mothers house work 2 jobs if you have too! get everything lined up schools, sitters. and your mother needs to go to a rehab, and get help because you cant have her there around your kids when you do get them back unless she is truly clean. your children will always be your children and no'one can ever replace you are take that from you and know that in your heart! so find some assist, move away from there start fresh in a new place and when you do i would go to a shelter for your INFO, for legal help what ever they can offer you take it put yourself on a list for hud housing only for now. get you a journal and write your every day happenings in it keep a log it's called documentation it's very important in the courts eyes. and you need to go infront of the courts before you leave and tell them your plans and why? let that be documented for you and your children! you have nothing to lose you have already lost the most important things in your life! (children) fight back but slow down breath don't let them make you feel like a bad mother and not your past either know who you are and put things in order get a tablet and write down your appointments check them off as you go. but the most important thing that i cannot stress enough to you you have got to find someone who believes in you and is on your side and if you get a not so good gut feeling and don't feel like they believe you or they are judging you walk out of there don't just settle for anyone there is free counsel out there do not get a man get a woman counsel Get settled and then go job hunting if you do those 3 things you will see things falling into place because you are focusing better and those things make it easier for you you can hire also a live in nanny make it an old person and give them rent free in order to care for your children but have her checked out finger prints, record check. that is just an idea down the road for you??? iam happy now found a wonderful man of now 8 1/2 yrs the other Ex- died last year of a bad liver due to drinking whom i tried to tell the courts about well they gave my son, to him and guess where they lived in a motel rm for 5 yrs! i could go on and on but iam telling you this so that you can take a better road and heads up on what can maybe help you you are in my prayers,children & mother just remember don't let them get to you or side tarck you know who you are and what you want for you and your children!!
please keep me up dated if you can!
Best Wishes 2 u and children!
...............................
|
