A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend/fiance of nearly 3 years has always been very kind to me, but I do not know how to get him to treat me like a woman rather than a sex object. I will dress sexy for him and do my hair and makeup, and yes I am very sexual, but he is taking it to a new level. He wants me to get breast and butt implants and dye my hair blonde and instead of a real wedding he confessed he wants me to dress like a slut when we get married and call me a slut and a whore. He even says if I wasn't with him I would be a major slut. I want to tell him that I want to be respected as a woman and that once I am in college and working full time I won't have as much time to maintain, but I'm afraid he will leave me if I'm not acting like an object or pornstar for him. I have told him I don't want plastic surgery but he keeps bringing it up. What should I do to make him realize I'm not an object?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): I say dump this freak and find another guy who knows the difference between play time and real time.
A
female
reader, mrshamilton  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 i dunno. i'm only 15 but i just know its wrong to feel like you do! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut isn't their a difference between women exercising their rights as sexual beings and expressing fetishes vs. being objectified and treated as you are a doll?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Sorry to be a prude, but I am not in to the whole bondage perverted thing - by getting a collar and leash for you, what signals have you been sending out? Here - "I am your pet. you can do whatever you want to me. I will roll over and beg to get treats. I have worked my body to look good just for you. I dont actually care about myself, only what you think. Hold my lead, YOU are the boss."You so brought this on yourself.You want to be treated like a woman and not an object?Ditch the lead and act like a grown up woman not a poodle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got my leash and collar at fascinations here in the united states, they have a website if you would like to order overseas. Also many fetish and bondage websites have them, I suggest a 4 ft leash. Also, thank you for everyybody who has answered so far! You have given me the point of view that I need =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): That's cool. Just as long as he knows that 'aiming to please' doesn't mean you're 100% his property.
Also, thank you SO much for the collar-and-leash idea, I can't believe I never thought of that!! Do you have any idea where I could get one? (We have sex shops in Ireland, but I've never seen one of those.)
Good luck!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell part of me thinks I brought this on myself because I purchased a leather leash and collar that I sometimes wear when we go out and I have him hold the leash. Also, I have done everything I can to perfect my body through exercise for him that I can so I probably gave him the impression that I am able to be easily manipulated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Well, you do say that this guy is 'always very kind', so maybe this can be worked on. I do think the other replies are excessively harsh.
This guy needs to start seeing you as a person rather than a sex object. If your partner gives the impression that he perceives you as basically a sperm receptacle, and enjoys referring to you as a slut, he doesn't NECESSARILY mean any harm - he probably thinks you enjoy it. But are you honestly happy that he treats you like he owns you? It seems not. You have to get this point across. Adopting a certain role in bed doesn't mean it has to extend to every other area of the relationship.
So, you need to TELL HIM what you've told us. Explain that you'd like to think there's more to this relationship than the sex, that maybe you'd like to spend more social time with him, have kisses and cuddles, meaningful conversation, romantic dates in restaurants and the odd night where you DOON'T just jump one another's bones.
Or maybe fake the flu for a few days and trot around in a tracksuit without any make-up, the better to help him realise you're a flesh-and-blood human being with your good days and bad days, rather than this perfect fantasy whore who exists purely for his sexual gratification. He needs to realise how lucky he is!
As for the wedding, if you decide you want to marry him, maybe point out that like most girls, you'd prefer to get married in a beautiful white wedding dress rather than whatever slutty gear he has in mind.
Dress down for a few days. As for the plastic surgery idea, breats and butt implants, tell him to forget it, you're very happy with your face and body the way it is thankyouverymuch.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 August 2009):
 Ugh, what a slimeball! I hope you realize that if you do get married, you are marrying THIS BEHAVIOR for the rest of your life, or at least until you get completely sick of it and finally divorce him. He clearly doesn't love you for you, he doesn't respect you and wanting to call you a slut and a whore on a regular basis? He wants a hooker, not a wife.
A true love will be more than happy marrying just you, without hairdye, an artificial body and slutty clothes. He'll be dying to call you, "honey" and "sweetie" and he'll make you feel like you're the most beautiful thing in the world, even when you're in sweats, your hair isn't done and you have no makeup on.
This guy doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve being treated like this. He is such a scumbag, I can't even believe it!! So work your butt off in college, excel and your job, and laugh your ass off at your idiotic soon-to-be ex. Don't be afraid that he'll leave you. You leave him first!! Walk away with no regrets, no shame and the feeling that you did the right thing!!!
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, mrshamilton +, writes (4 August 2009):
i totally agree with dimmreality!!
when you are in college and working full time then dump him and tell him he was just fun and you was using him then he'll feel then how you feel now! that he isn't a person just and object. and i wud luve to see his face when u tell him that!! you can do better!!!!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 August 2009):
 WHAT?Why would you want to stick around with this Bum. He sounds like quite a catch to me...a catch you want to throw back in the water. or flush down a toilet.Yep you got a winner on your hands. Well when you decide that you want to be respected and not emotionally abused anymore, you';ll get it through your skull that this guy is an asshole that needs a beat down for treating any female like that. This guy has no respect for you or for women whatsoever. I own businesses in the adult industry and guys don't act like that. Please inform him I say he is a jackass of massive proportions. He is living in a fantasy land.The best way you can make him realize you aren't an object is to get the hell away from him. He will not learn his lesson until he sees tour pornstar ass walk out the door.Sweety I am being blunt because this is a no-brainer. this guy if a moron...you can do way better.
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