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female
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anonymous
writes:I am about to kick out my 17 year old son. I am a single parent of 3. I teach and my older son has me in a depressed state every so often.I earn good money and own two houses. Second house that we live in needs attention. I want to do it quickly. Hard on my own.My son is continously harassing me for money. He gets £30 as training allowance from the Government. I was giving him a small amount then I stopped as he was continously buying things from people on street and friends. I often thought they were stolen. He had a laptop, many bikes, a pit bike, a mini motor but would not buy clothes and would not look after his clothes. They were always on the floor, torn, stained.He also lived on bad food and hardly ate at home.I am trying to make him understand that there are unemployed people who get not much more than this as Job Seekers Allowance and have to buy food and clothes and pay bills.He sees it as his buy what every he wants money. Today we had yet another terrible row. I had a workman here and the workman was making comments in relation to me being a single parent and how hard it is. I found myself having to justify myself and felt bad. Previous rows has resulted in him brusing me and me hitting him so hard that I cut his skin and I asked for social services help. This caused a tremendous impact on my job as a teacher!I never set out to be a single parent. My 3 rd childs father has not made any move to commit and I am fed up with him, my job and my son. They are all making me so miserable.I have joined a singles social club but not ready for a new relationship, just new friends.Any suggestions welcomed pleased.I am at my wits end and want him out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): You need to come to a agreement with him about your future mother-son relationship. I wonder how the typical chat between the two of you goes on if it ends with bruises. It is most likely since the situation degenerated to such low point to involve physical violence, that you two speak very different languages. It is often the best solution in this case to find a translator, and that is a good counsellor. You can as well kick him out of the house but this can be very damaging for his future, if he doesn't count on that familial stability that he can relate to when he settles his own family. I have seen teenage children that seemed 'unmanageable' and were refractary to any talk with the parent, while to the counsellour they admitted to in fact wanting to spend more time with the parent although they acted like they did not, by avoiding the parent and so on. There are many conflicts between you that have amounted to high tension and a very strained relationship that you are still at time to rescue. Try and adopt a new attitude. At this point there are many reasons why each of you is displeased with the other, some of which can be easily imagined and some not. If every time you have a talk there are reproaches flying in both directions like flying chairs, it will not be easy. For the situation to better you must reach the phase where this defensive attitude is left at the entrance. Not all late teens can manage all by themselves when deprived all of a sudden of any help and forced to leave the nest and gain their daily bread. What the other aunt recounted is a fortunate case. Others will be lead to very poor choices and a nonsensical lifestyle, gambling and what not. When one loses control over their children it is often very hard to redress the situation and ensure things run smoothly again, but you can achieve this.Try and not neglect yourself as you seem to need time for youself - and who doesn't - but in the meanwhile if you can give this issue top priority, do it and try to fix your relationship, maybe with external help. Later on it might be even more difficult. Hopefully it is just a teen crisis and will pass before you know it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): i am in the U.S. and i know for a fact that you can't get help from government agencies with kids. my step daughter was not going to school and my hubby called and try to get DSS involved and the social worker at school and no one would help him. so she quit school. anyway your son needs a trial run to live on his own where he has to supply all of his needs with out mom. my brother was like that and my gm put him out so he had to fin for himself for about two weeks. he came back with tears. he told how hard it was to eat and find somewhere to stay at night. he is now a different person he helps out around the house and acts very different. i promise you that will change if drastically
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reader, lover23  +, writes (31 May 2009):
well i know how you feel.my mom and i always have to take care of my brothers.she is also a mother of 3 and its very hard.her older son is 18 and he lives in her house.my parents are divoreced and he always goes back and forth to different houses for money and all.he used to be a bad boy by smoking crack and pot he also had 2 girlfriends and was using them and dating them at the same time.i would say you should talk to him and tell him to clean his messes up and to get a job.by the time he is 18 if he still lives at your house tell him he is now a grown citizen adult and he needs to get his own house.hope my answer helped.
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