A
female
age
36-40,
*hinjes
writes:I'm married for over three years now. I'm having 2kids with my husband. My hubby doesn't stay with us, he travels for some months then come back but recently on his 3 consecutive visits, he started wanting to have Anal sex wit me though I hav always said no each time but he always tries it. He usually touch me and finger me at dat area each time we are having sex. I'm not confortable wit d idea of havin Anal sex and most of all it irritates me. This has been his recent behaviour and I hav been filled wit a lot of thoughts like maybe he is having affair over there, and probably someone might hav given him Anal dat made him desire it so much like this. Although he doesn't force me but he acts like he really wants it wit me and dis his behaviour is so strange.I dated him like 2yrs before we got married and he never tried that wit me. Pls I need your advice cos im so confused right now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chinjes +, writes (4 April 2013):
chinjes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for the advice.I think I will go with the either from porn that he learnt it and possibly wants to try new things like some of you guys suggested. At least now I know its not a strange thing that a hubby suddenly wants a different kind of sex altogether. I really do appreciate your help and suggestions. THANKS ONCE AGAIN. I also want to thank the brain behind this website, you really may not know how much this site helps me in my marriage.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 ASK HIM.
it may be porn
it may be that he's having an affair and gets it away from home...
it may be that he's curious and wants to try it
ASK HIM as he's the only one who knows what's going on in his brain
as for him trying to force it on you... the second he touches your anus.. you jump up out of bed and say "done for now I told YOU NO and I meant it"
and go wash up and get dressed... leave him to himself...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): If I were you, I would ask him why the sudden interest? I am guessing from porn. Hopefully, not an affair. Best of luck: )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): I wouldn't worry so much about the anal sex urge he is displaying with you. I've been married for 10 yrs and I consider myself very happy in my relationship but it is not always easy. Sometimes we have problems in the bedroom, but we've always managed to work it through. However, it's always harder to solve a sex problem when there is an insecurity about the relationship. Our sex life has ups and downs but it's very fulfiling for both of us on average but I think the secret is that it is always evolving. In my opinion its not strange that he wants to do something diferent after a few years, because I don't think its healthy not wanting to try new things from time to time! We always need to experiment something new or special now and then. When my hb first wanted to try anal I freaked out. I was actually mad at him because I felt it was a violence because we were both a little drunk and it hurt me. Next day he said that he really wanted it, but he felt sorry about hurting me. So we droped the subject for about 2 weeks and I told a friend of mine and she said she really liked it and I should try it. I was curious and I talked to my husband that I wanted to try and see if I would be able to enjoy it. When we tried it for real it took a while, it wasnt completely sucessful at first but the second time it was amazing. The important thing is that I was completely in control and he had to EARN it. He did many "special" things to me to earn it. This was 7 years ago, and I still love anal sex, but we dont do it on a regular basis, only on special ocasions. If you don't want to try it because you think its disgusting or whatever, its ok (and he must accept it!). Its not ok to miss an oppotunity to have a wonderful experience because it reminds you he might be cheating on you.Bottomline I'd say:1- The fact that he wants anal just means he wants anal, doesn't mean he's cheating on you.2- If he's cheating on you it's a different problem!!! Try to find out, talk to him, work it through, go to therapy but3- Don't bring that issue into your sex life!I found that bringing you insecurities about the relationship into the bedroom can be infectious, the sex problem fuels the relationship crisis and vice versa. The more you uncouple each problem in your head, the better. When I'm not able to uncouple I simply don't have sex at all until we work on our issues. Thats how we've been dealing with it... Sex must bring pleasure and joy and improve your intimacy, don't let anger, bitterness and insecurities harm that !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): "I dated him like 2yrs before we got married and he never tried that wit me. Pls I need your advice cos im so confused right now."
Just throwing this out as a possibility but maybe he wants anal because doesn't want any more kids but he doesn't want to use a condom.
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