A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I will be 23 in february and i am still a virgin. My best friend and the family members who know say its such a good thing and hold me up on some sort of pedestal. I know they are saying this because its the right thing to say and life experiences (as far as my friend) but i often feel that im not normal. Some ppl describe me as a "good girl" but they dont use it as a compliment. They say it when describing me to someone letting them know i dont sleep around. It doesnt make me feel bad it just makes me wonder what guys like more a girl next door type or a slut. Im very secretive when it comes to my sexual activity or lack there of. I only tell ppl who i am close to or the ppl i feel i can trust. So relationships rarely make it to the point where i tell them or right when i decide to tell them its never the right time or i just decide that they wouldnt b able to handle it and let the relationship run its course. At leats from what ppl say i am a pretty girl. I have a lot of great assets and plenty of guys try to "get at me" im smart ambitious and driven, but i want more than just sex. Now im not asking for marriage i just want a relationship. Im just afraid that once the guy i decide to "give it up" to someone he will be turned off but the fact that im am a virgin. I just wanted to know the truth from a male's prospective if its a bad thing or even a turn off to be a virgin at the age of 23?
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ambition, best friend, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): im a 21 yo virgin btw..for the same reasons you are..waiting for some worthy enough..problem is most guys our age dont want to stick around for a virgin to put out..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Yes, you are normal and doing the right thing by waiting. Since you have so many questions, I'll ask you to explore more about life through the Alpha course (www.alphausa.org) if you live in the USA (could be one next door) and it runs in 165 countries all over the world, is FREE and a great place to find friends.I am 33 yo male, believe in God and waiting all the way for marriage. If ever married I know that it will be special for my wife to know that she is the "only one" for me, and if I say "I love her" then it will mean so much more...May God bless you,Andrew
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank all of you for your answers they were really helpful and i no longer feel like a total outcast lol.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (29 December 2009):
Short and simple answer from a guy:
I don't see how any man could ever be turned off by a gorgeous 23 years old virgin.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Here is something about 'virginity'
We cut our nail. It is normal. Why we cut nail? simply because it do hurt us and other also. Is cutting nail and even hair is a big matter? Not at all. Why? it is convenience. The pattern is same with 'virginity' The intercourse became full of pain and hence fearful with virginity, is experienced fact. It is painful for both, but more for female, and less for male...but it communicate pain.
So it is with virginity, why it is big matter? Why it is thought as loss? If it is loss, then enjoyment of sex must be bad, is it so? Is it agreeable? if so, then invite mental and physical injury must be hold as good, but no one feel it agreeable, if choice can be such then it is hold as mad. To enjoy pleasure that derive from sex organ is simple and natural act. In one sense, ever one can enjoy it even without partner, and it is quite possible. It is absolutely private enjoyment, in a sense not shared with chosen partner. But, if it is share with partner then what difference it make? It became more enjoyable? If such enhance enjoyment is immoral then what about pain?
See, virginity became social matter. It is society of male, orthodox male, who give some importance to virginity, which is really insulting to female sexuality. It say female has no power over her body. The morality of sex depend upon good and bad choice of person, one choose. It is also depend upon good and bad purpose. To trade sex is bad, immoral. To fake sexual activity is also immoral and evil. To be honest means to be honest with fact and not with fraud.
In spite of this presentation, I am the first, who just advise for 'foreplay', and not for 'vaginal penetration' or intercourse, which is in favor of pleasure or bliss, which do not implies that intercourse is immoral, but it is less enjoyable in comparison to 'foreplay'. Foreplay is safe is beside the point, but it is most most enjoyable, lovable and intimate act is notable point. Once can learn great thing about 'love' from enjoyment and not from pain. To learn something about love must be hold as religious act, and not immoral.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I lost my virginity 3 weeks before i turned 25 - i asked my partner whether it was a turn off and his answer was "hell no" lol He actually liked the fact i'd not slept around and although i didn't have a lot of experience, he didn't mind teaching me at all :) Also for me personally, i am glad i slept with a non-virgin whilst i was a virgin because he was able to talk/guide me through it very gentley. I'd say your virginity is your business and only when you are ready to take the next step should you confess etc, cos it does hurt a little the first time (or atleast it did with me). He needs to know to be gentle. Its not weird either - more people are holding out longer and longer, you are not alone and are not a freak, believe me. I am glad i got to almost 25 as a virgin :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Do women want aggressive unstable jerks? They seem to date them every day and yet they say they don't want that in a BF. And eventually they tend to try to settle down with someone a lot more stable than the average guy they dated when they were 17.
It is the same with men and slutty women. A long list of sexual partners is only fine with most men as long as they aren't really interesting in finding a longer term partner or wife yet. But the story suddenly changes in a BIG way as soon as they start thinking about years or decades of committed partnership.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Your answer is simple to obtain.
Count the posts here where guys are upset about their gf having to much of a sexual past and being a virgin.
From what I have seen, there are several dozen of the first, none of the second.
But really, this is about what you want. If a guy is turned off by the fact that you are the kind of girl who doesn't sleep around, then he is not the guy for you.
Say that you are a vegetarian, then would a guy who would be upset about that, be right for you? You are making choices and your bf should respect them. Would you change your choice to not eat meet, just to please your bf? No you wouldn't, because if you were that kind of person, you would no longer be a virgin.
Live your own life as you want it. Someday you will find someone who you want to share it with but if that person is not willing to fully accept who you are, then he/she/it is not right for you.
The same goes for women who have had sex. If he can't accept who you are, then he is not right.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 December 2009):
No, it's not a turn off or anything. A guy who really loves you will accept you for who you are. Your Mr Right will be out there. Have patience and you'll find him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): sorry im not a guy but i do say that at that age its a wonderful thing to still b a virgin especially in this day and age. but heck my female cousin is 30+ and she is still a virgin, she is beautiful and ambitious jus like u but the fact that she has not given it up to jus any one is a wonderful thing and for u it jus means that u have also not jus yet found that special person that u want to spend the rest of ur life with. Even my husband didn't lose his was 21.
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