A
male
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*a
writes:This is actually two questions I need answers to.I asked my girlfriend the question about if and when we should have sex but she says she wants to wait until she is married. I think that's a bit hypocritical as she has been in a sexual relationship with 2 guys before me, and I'm still a virgin.Also she takes martial arts lessons and we had an argument a few days ago and she says she doesn't really need me (although she apologised the next morning for saying that). For Q1 I'm I just being selfish and for Q2 does she really not need me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): What a bitch...
Also I think she wants to wait to have sex with you until you marry to ensure you marry her, like holding a carrot over your head. This is a common tactic amongst the manipulative type of women. So she well may be manipulative. Most American women are, so be weary...
And again, what a bitch.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):
 You can try asking her why she would like to now wait after already having sex previously but obviously make sure you don't do it in a way that may make her feel you don't respect her decision..when it comes down to it she can want to wait and if you want to be with her then you really need to respect this decision just talking to her regarding it may help you to understand her reasons for this and make it easier for you to accept.
She might not need you, why should she need you? why do girls have to need a guy and not just want to be with them because they love them.
Good luck :o)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 She has the right to ask this.
However understandably you might not accept it. If I was in your situation I would feel "She screwed those two guys, and now she won't screw me. What did they have that I don't?". It's not really a rational response, but that doesn't make it invalid.
I suggest you try to talk to her about it in as open a way as possible. Don't talk about her, but rather just describe your feelings. You perhaps feel rejected, un-manly, innefective, and question whether she finds you sexually attractive. I would under the circumstances. Tell her all the things you are feeling and see how she reacts.
She may change her mind, or she may not. If she won't, you have to decide whether you are willing to be with her.
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Woman will say things out of anger and you are the one top deteremine whether or not that is the case. I know woman that wish they would have never lost their virginity and now that she is with someone who still has thiers she may just want that time to be special with and for you. If you really wanted to know the answers to these questions you should ask her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): to be honest u shud feel happy..this girl has actually hinted that she wudnt mind getting married to u!!!!! she sees u as the 'one' n she wants everything to be special..the other guys were probably really sleezy..ask her agen..but be a gentleman!! ..freind x
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Q1, No you're not being selfish but you're maybe misunderstanding. Just because she's had sex with 2 people does not make her a hypocrite. Have you asked for a reason why? Is it one that you understand? If you weren't a virign you may see it differently. My friend recently got married and they were together 4 years. The first year they had sex, but then they decided to wait until they got married. That may seem odd to other people, but not for them. I guess the key here is as I said, understanding and communication.
Q2, Hopefully nobody NEEDS anyone else! You should be with someone because you want to be, because you choose to be not because you need to be. That's not very healthy. I'm sure she didn't mean it to come out as it did, but you have to see that it didn't mean she doesn't want to be with you, that's completely different.
Sorry this probably won't make things much clearer, so I wish you luck getting through this.
There's no guarantee you'll marry this girl, so as a virgin it could be a difficult time for you to remain celibate. And also if you don't want to wait til you get married to have sex, that's going to be tough on you, so you need to communicate your feelings and concerns to your girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): ok Im a lady and sometimes we do asy things in the heat of the moment when provoked.
Now I personally do not say nasty things just to hurt people in the heat of the moment, but some people just cant help themselves.
So try not to worry too much about that, if she did mean it she wouldnt have appolagised.
And maybe she wants to make your first time really special, I would love to have regained my virginity and saved myself for my wedding day. I think she just wants your first time to mean something, not just a frenzied bonk because you couldnt hold out any longer!!!.
So dont get stressed out about this, shes doing it for your benefit, so be patient and have other types of sexual interaction in the meantime.
xx
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A
female
reader, lush123 +, writes (25 October 2006):
It could be that she is aware that you are a virgin and doesn't want you to regret having sex with her as your 'first time' later on.
Or it could be that the guys she slept with before did not treat her right or respect her, so she wants to wait with you to make sure you are not going to run off soon after sleeping with her.
As a guy, you need to talk to her and find out why she has made this decision to wait til she is married. You cannot rush her into sleeping with you - if you like her enough and respect her, you will wait. She is probabl trying to make sure you do not use her just for sex. (She may have learnt from past mistakes).
As for needing you, no girl needs a man to be happy. But if he makes her happy, she will stay with him. If he doesn't, she won't. So, don't take it personally when she tells you she doesn't need you. Any sane girl will NEVER say she NEEDS a man - unless she is clingy and desperate!!!!
Feel free to send me a private message anytime.
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