A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not so sure how to place my question. I've always wondered about casual sex partly because, even though I did have a few "boyfriends", I don't seem to be able to form strong bonds with them and therefore I think of myself as incapable of loving. I'm a virgin with 18 years old who has been extremely curious about sex. And as shameful as it is I often do find myself in need of sex (even when when I'm sleeping), thinkin wether I should be exploring the ways of pleasure for my satisfaction or not.I know that due to the nature of casual sex it's quite likely that I won't know if my partner has any STD since the probability of not knowing the sexual history of him is quite big.But as dangerous as it is, that's not what I fear the most. It's wether I'll be able to cope with any possible mental and psychological consequences: What if I regret it? Will I fall in despair seeing sex as nothing more than a purely mechanical way of getting pleasure, and thereby not believing in love? Will I loose all my self-respec and faith in human relationships? And what of my reputation? I'm not sure if I want to be seen and to see someone as an object. Is promiscuity wrong or right? Should sex be a part of love or just a way to get pleasure? On the other hand, if I find my "prince" I want to be in the same foot as him - meaning I want to have as many experiences as him or else im afraid my self esteem will drop even more. Yes I must have some kind of a problem related to the nature of men.Finally I dont know if I have the will power and the confidence to do it, being a virgin and having strong moral and ethic codes. However I've been thinking that maybe making sex will increase my self confidence and will make me someone that belongs to this society. Im also someone who thinks that we must experience in order to learn. If i don't choose that path i will never know if it would be good or bad thereby i would be lacking in knowledge. But... i might be wrong... i need enlightment. Well that's my enormous question. I'm sorry for the long confusing text, a mirror of the wobbly walls of my mind.Thank you very much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): First of all, thank you very much for your answers.
"Finding the right person takes time and you will feel when it's right." - drb1966
Maybe that's my problem. I loose interest in people quite often and, unfortunatly, very quickly. I think I don't even get to the stage of feeling love. Just pure curiosity and subtle pleasure. And then I just leave as quickly as I can trying in the meanwhile to be kind which doesn't work. Well, to speak the truth It's always somebody who hits on me, never the contrary. That's probably the problem. I know I'm sounding very arrogant but actually there are few people who catch my attention because I have very high standars. Not really in beauty but related to interests and smarts. And that's one of my bad points.
I'm not religious even though I have some strong principles instilled in me by my parents. Sometimes I'm glad i had this kind of education, sometimes... not really partly because few people share this values.
"The Id and the ego are fighting with each other for what they want. The Id is visceral and wants the sex, while the ego is mental and wants the romance." - Sonofasailor
I'm not exactly shy or introverted but few people know me as I am if that makes sense.
And I certainly know that almost all my so called boyfriends only wanted me to show me around. And THAT irritated me. But at the same time I do have hormones and a body.
Well, I liked your answer. Thank you. Your words were very clear. I do want to love and to be loved.
"If you want to find your prince, first know what you want. You don't need to practice on losers first. A virgin can be very desirable, Pure" - Dailath
Very well said indeed :) Thank you for your answer.
"You should be proud to still be a virgin! be proud that you respect your body and your mind." - drich18
Yes, my body is a temple. That's right. I've been surrounded by guys trying to put their hands in my thighs and so on believe me. I didnt gave up because i thought I could change my mind afterwards and regret it. But now that I'm 18 I feel the difference and I don't know if the experience is valuable.
I'm sorry for my poor english.
A
male
reader, bartmaverick  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Do not rush into losing your virginity just because you feel pressured or that you think “it’s about time”.
Your first time should be special.
At my grand old age I’ve heard loads of young girls (and 42-year-olds, in my personal experience, so you are still very young) complaining that their first time was a load of crap (not only their first!), usually because it was the first time for the boy as well. This usually means a lot of fumbling, a quick unlubricated hump with minimal foreplay, he comes - all too quickly - rolls off and leaves the girl wondering what all of the fuss was about.
A very forgettable experience.
Most lads of your age are very impatient and/or selfish lovers, who cum too quickly anyway...usually due to furtive masturbation that they want to end quickly in case of discovery!
To ease the sexual tension that you are feeling at present, perhaps you should pleasure yourself often?
When you are in bed, and nobody can disturb you, warm yourself up by rubbing your hands all over your body in a gentle massage.
After a while, when you are ready to move on, pass your hands over your breasts, pausing at your nipples to give them a squeeze.
Again, keep going until you are ready for something else – wait until you are quite moist.
Move your hands down to your pussy and gently rub up and down, just brushing against your clit now and then. If your clit is very sensitive and the feeling excites you too much, press down on your pussy firmly, and squeeze your thighs together for a moment until you recover.
Carry on rubbing, gradually opening up your lips more and more, and touching your clit more aggressively as you get used to it.
Put your longest finger into your pussy, onto your g-spot, and if you can bear it, rub your clit with your thumb.
Keep thrusting in and out with your finger – your natural cream will help you now – and rub your clit even harder.
Now try two fingers, and pull your hood back with your other hand so that you can really go to town on your clit.
Keep going until you scream the house down!
It’s worth mentioning that there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation, it is a very healthy and harmless release for all of those tensions and frustrations.
Why don’t you do this each night?
Quietly, of course.
As far as your virginity is concerned, please be careful and choose wisely – you can only give it once! I wouldn’t want your very first experience to be a horrid one, all rushed and unsatisfactory, whoever did it.
Bart.
P.S. You will find your g-spot inside your vagina, about 1-2 inches in on the front wall. It will feel rough compared to the surrounding skin and may feel plump if you are sufficiently aroused.
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A
male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Making sex such a big deal is a bad way to build up alot of fear that doesn't exist. First time sex will be nothing like you imagine it and most likely be the worse sex you will ever have, it takes a couple of times before you actually start understand sex to enjoy it properly.
You would be much better off having sex in a stable relationship, because really casual sex can be very selfish sex, even more so if the other half knows of your virginity.
It wouold really be better to have someone where as if things don't happen as expected, it's someone who will stick around long enough for you not to feel regret and enjoy it with.
As drb1966 said, that sex is over rated, i disagree, nothing beats good sex!
Lack of sex in pervious relationships could be where the bond is missing, however don't rush into things.
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A
female
reader, drich18  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 ok i can see where your coming from but yes you are just 18 you have plenty of time to find someone. A lot of girls these days loose their virginity very young and I'm sure a lot of them will say they regret it.
I lost my virginity when i was 15. I was with my 16 year old boyfriend for about a year and a half when HE decided we should take it to the next level. It wasn't my decision to do it but i wish i would have waited and he ended up dumping me a week later because i told him i wasn't ready to keep doing it.
Sex is a big thing. You don't want to rush it and in my opinion sex can never be just casual, especially if your doing it for the first time. Your feelings are going to get involved so you should wait for the right person and know for sure that you feel 100% comfortable with them.
It's ok to be curious about sex because everyone is. Trust me if i could i would have waited. And there are so many risks that get involved with sex such as: std's, pregnancy, and reputation. make sure you know their history and ask if they have been tested because std's is nothing to play around with.
Don't think that sex will increase your confidence because then you'll be having sex for all the wrong reasons. Two of my really close friends are virgins; one is 21 and the other is 20. I tell them all the time that they've come so far from not having sex that they need to wait until they find someone they really love and feel really comfortable with.
Don't ever let a guy/boyfriend tell you that you don't love them because you won't have sex with them. Don't get pressured into anything you don't feel comfortable with, because your first time should feel special and you should have so much love and feelings towards him.
You should be proud to still be a virgin! be proud that you respect your body and your mind. Don't have sex just to "fit in" that's not what it's about. So wait for as long as you can because the right guy will come along and he'll respect you just as much as you respect yourself.
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A
male
reader, Dailath +, writes (9 September 2010):
Awsome. at least you gave it some real thought. I like you. Dont worry about casual sex, its for gamblers. As you say, you might catch stuff, it could kill you.
As for learning, the first thing you need to do is understand what you like and/or need to feel right. Explore yourself in private, google stuff that interests you. Get an idea of who you are, Your age does'nt matter. This way, you will be in controle.
Never be afraid to say "No thanks" and don't lower your standerds to please people if you don,t think you will get something out of it. Everyone is different, and most are looking after number one.
If you want to find your prince, first know what you want. You don't need to practice on losers first. A virgin can be very desirable, Pure ect. yum
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A
male
reader, Sonofasailor +, writes (9 September 2010):
Being a virgin myself I have often wondered about stuff like this. Based on my research, casual sex best works for people who are extroverted, risk takers and really don't want to get too close with people. You won't find your prince charming during a one night stand; that is a fact of life. Players, swingers, etc. often see women as notches and bragging rights. Yet this is also true for women in that same lifestyle as well.
If you're more introverted and shy, the causal encounters would not be for you. The more committed and steady relationships would make the shy type more comfortable with whom they sleep with. A more involved relationship requires trust and understanding between partners, and in some cases makes the first time more "special" for some people.
The Id and the ego are fighting with each other for what they want. The Id is visceral and wants the sex, while the ego is mental and wants the romance.
No matter what you choose please be careful; practice safe sex and don't put yourself in a dangerous situation.
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A
male
reader, drb1966 +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Honestly, sex is overated and at 18 yrs old you have plenty of time ahead of you to discover the pros and cons of sex. Be confident in yourself for making the decision to stay a virgin. Personally, I think you will regret your choice to have sex just for the sake of having it and trying to fit in society. Don't fall victim to the pressures of society. Finding the right person takes time and you will feel when it's right. And if your partner has had sex before be honest and let them know you haven't. Tell them to go slow and if decide to stop in mid game they need to be ok with that. As a guy, we can sometimes act like a bull in a china shop. You need to tell your partner what you want even if he has had sex before he has not ever had it with you so guide him in how your feeling. Bottom line...don't let the thought of being a virgin or not having sex destroy your self confidence or self esteem.
As far as the etchics of having sex before your married that all depends on your religious beliefs. And sex is part of love and pleasure sometimes one is stronger than the other.
Be strong,confident and take your time. I hope this helps a little bit.
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