A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out what each of these comments mean. I feel offended and ebarassed when people point out my shyness, especially by the way they mention it. I've had people saying things such as " what's wrong with you ? " , just because i am quiet and shy, and someone once asked me to " smile " , even though i wasn't even unhappy, and this guy i like told someone that i know that he thinks i seem shy and he said " she wont be shy if she goes on a date with me ", or he may have said if she comes out with me. It was something like that. I also wish that i could get more confidence, but i'm not sure how i can.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Confidence can only really be gained by experience - but you can fake it until it feels real. Learn to accept that some interactions will be awkward, or embarassing, or simply lead nowhere. You gain experience whether you do well or not. Bring a friend if it helps.
Some people don't really "get" that people experience social interaction in different ways. Introverts, like you seem to be (not judging), must spend energy to interact with people. Extroverts gain energy from social interaction, and the concept of shyness if alien to them. Others fall in the middle - guys like me, who are confortable in situations like debates or storytelling where the interaction structured, but less so in situations like parties which are a free-for-all.
They say these things because they literally cannot grasp why anyone would be shy, and assume you must be sick or broken in some way. They don't mean anything by it, and may even want to help what they perceive as a problem. Really, I met my first girlfriend telling her to "Smile" when she was obviously feeling to shy to talk to anyone present.
Except for the "Won't be shy if she goes out with me" guy. He's just using a crappy line.
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