A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never had a gf in my life (well for a few weeks was the longest one). In my past, my date left me on prom night. I've had issues ever since then. It's nine years later, and I feel miserable at times. I see everybody with dates or getting married. I got rejected a lot earlier in life. True, I'm not the best looking or don't have the best personality, but I see people still with gf's or bf's. I've tried online dating, and have found two dates. They didn't work out. I wasn't even into them. I'm going to meetup groups, and have found some girls that are friendly. They're either way older than me or I wouldn't date them (long story short...some of them haven't gotten their sh** together). I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I need some advice. I'm a nice guy. However, I'm not being treated nicely. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (5 August 2013):
 You were stood up once 9 years ago. Since then you've rejected a few dates or the idea of dating several girls because, in your opinion, they haven't got their sh*t together. And from this you conclude that you can't get a girl because they don't treat you nicely?
I think the same advice goes here that goes to every other question that asks "why can't I get a date?"
1) You're looking too desperately. Chill out and enjoy life. That's how you meet people that you'll click with, not by making it one of your top priorities to hunt for a mate.
2) Ever consider that maybe it's the type of woman that you go for?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): In addition to what nononesense says, because he does give you a lot of good insight, in my opinion, of how you should start looking at these potential dates as people that will help you grow more into the person you want to be and later be perceived and eventually the kind of person you will bring in. A man who is confident and knows what he wants.
As I can only go off my own personal experience... I was born was a syndrome that distorts my facial features. So, I can't deny, I am not the greatest looking girl out there. I have dated a lot of jerks and let myself be jerked around. It wasn't until my best friend whom i loved for 7 years decided he really didn't want me in that way anymore. I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to date anyone or be with someone physically until I met someone that respected me, finally. Truth was, making myself become more object of the people around me, letting myself have the gift to choose, made me respect myself. I started to care mroe about my friendships and put less emphasis on meeting that one. I started to find more personal goals and finding interests that made me think, having a relationship would tie me down from doing the things I actually want to do (travel). After making penpals (again no intention to date, but to become more cultured) I actually met my fiance.
I was happier, focused, more about "me" and not so worried about what others wanted out of me. Or molding myself to be a way for them.
It is true what they say, when you are not looking for it and you make the choice for yourself to discover yourself and not worry about others, it will find you!
I really suggest making more and new friends. It is a good opportunity to develop yourself, your personality, and interactions without the pressure of "if they are dating potential". Plus, it could network you into meeting other people you would not have otherwise met.
I suggest trying eventsandadventures, which is an organization that organizes events based on your interest and others who share the same interests. Its not a guarantee you meet another for dating, but you can make friends with common ground.
Also, if you are thinking you are not the greatest looking guy, too. Maybe you should start focusing on what you can do to amp up your look. For YOU, no one else. It will make you feel better and feel good to present yourself in a new light. Get a hair cut, buy new closed, do something different.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 August 2013):
Hang on just a second! How are you not being treated nicely? You weren’t treated nicely by some-one 9 years ago, since then you’ve only been on 2 dates that didn’t work out. The rest of the time you’re meeting people you yourself wouldn’t date. You can’t hang on to past rejection. I’m not trying to trivialise it or belittle the impact it can have on you, but you have to move on. You can’t carry around this generalised anger about how people are treating you because one person wasn’t fair to you.
In reality, being single and without relationship experience at your age and stage of life isn’t particularly abnormal. True, a lot of people are in relationships but being in a minority isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Whoever you are, there’s always luck involved: circumstance has to introduce the right person in to your life, and if you’ve been doing things like on-line dating and joining meetups, you’re doing all you can.
I do think, however, that you might be missing a trick if you don’t see these friendships with women you wouldn’t date, as valid experience and learning. Why? Because they will enable you to develop your confidence around women, and as you do that, the fact that they are female will be pretty irrelevant. This will help you when it comes to meeting some-one you might like to take things further with in future. Also, your female friends, if you can find 1 or 2 you trust, can give you lots of advice and support to help you when you date again. Learning to get on with the opposite sex easily and be comfortable around them is a major step towards finding a lasting relationship, not least because you will appear more confident and some-one more likely to want to ask them out. Lack of confidence can look like disinterest, so work on that. Yes, keep looking by all means, but don’t forget the working on yourself part too as in many ways that’s the most important.
I wish you all the very best.
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