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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, im really stuck so would like some help. Guys say I am a very attractive girl and i get a lot of attention which is nice at times, the problem is the good looking guys that ask me out end up being really mean, and the nice guys are ugly. recently i have got a new boyfriend who has a nice personality but is really not my type in looks (he isnt ugly as such he is just not suited to me looks wise if that makes sense) people keep saying i could get someone so much better but i think this guy is quite special. im just not enjoying the stick people are giving me. it makes me and him uncomfortable and isnt something easily ignorable. it makes him feel bad too. if i stay with him this stick may well end up ruining us anyway. please help x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pammie73 +, writes (20 August 2006):
Hi there,I just wanted to say, I really relate to your problem. Apparently, I am an attractive girl too, but have had the worst luck with men!! Like yourself, I've had a history of dating very good looking men, who quite frankly, turn out to be total losers!!!For some reason, we attract the womanising type of man, who usually is only after a bit of fun (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)...!After a couple of years of countless failed relationships with such men, and getting very hurt along the way, I finally realised that the problems with my relationships were with the types of men I was choosing to date - the good looking charmer, with no desire for a monogamous relationship. Once I'd identified that, I decided to go for men that were more meaningful, and that I knew appreciated all of me.And like yourself, I have got stick from friends (and family) about the latest man I have bee dating. This really does affect what you think about your relationship - we all seek approval from our peers, regardless what people think.But, my advice to you is - if you enjoy time with your new man, feel loved and appreciated, then don't let anyone else get in the way. I finally feel totally loved by a truly wonderful man - I grew to love him over time. And you will feel the same, as long as you go with your own heart. No-one else is dating this man except for you, so please remember this.Good luck, sweetie.P xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2006): Apparrently, when you 'fall in love' you find attractiveness in that person whatever they look like. I maybe middle aged now, but I am often told I look in my late 30's, attractive, tall, and historically I have been attracted to tall (MUST be taller) flat stomached lean men, BUT through work I got to know a shorter bald guy who is obese and as I got to know HIM, I just want to be him all the time. His looks mean nothing compared to how I enjoy his company. We are not a couple and may never be so I just stay around as I am not available anyway. As for you, if you are not sure, just enjoy his company, there is no rush, just see how you go. Try going away for a few days or if he goes away see if you miss him, if you can walk away because of his looks then you don't deserve him anyway!
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 Hi, being a guy I can pretty much say the same about girls – ie ones that cant rely on their looks have to rely on their personality, and tend to appreciate the company more so than girls who get guys coming onto them all the time.
It’s a shame you are getting stick, I hope (assume) it is not from people who are close to you, they obviously have shallow opinions on the type of person you should be going out with.
For me this is a case of where do your priorities currently lie? If you are interested in a short term relationship (bit of sex, fun, etc) then sure, go for the good looking (but less appreciative) males. If you are interested in a long-term relationship with someone who you are going to spend most of your spare time with, then I would strongly recommend you pick someone who is going to appreciate you and be kind to you, generous, etc.
Having said that… there DOES have to be a physical attraction there, or it might be doomed. Don’t worry about what other people think (I know that is such a cliché, so sorry for using it), it is more important that YOU find this person attractive in his own little ways. Oh, and tell everyone else to stop talking down about your boyfriend.
Best of luck.
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