A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've asked a lot of questions over the past week or so, but I haven't received many answers. I've asked about how I should behave when I go out clubbing, I asked about alternative places to meet women, and I've asked why I don't seem to have any luck with girls whenever so many guys my age don't have any trouble at all.I think I'm a good guy. I love to make people laugh, I'm honest and I'm respectful to people in all walks of life. I've been single for about five months now. I've only ever had three girlfriends over the course of four years, and they're the only three women I've slept with in that time. I don't understand why nothing ever happens for me. I go out regularly, and I try not to make going out and finding a girl (for the night, or otherwise) my main objective which is what people have been telling me for months now.Please help me!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): It may seem like other guys have all the luck but they could be exaggerating and also what about the ones who aren't finding women at all. You'd be surprised how many people they are around who have NEVER met anyone.
You obviously don't waste yourself on just anyone. Just keep being yourself and someone will come along who likes you exactly that way - why bother with the others?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): i know exactly how you feel, and i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a partner! of course you would when you see people happy and holding hands and all that.
so maybe see how some of your friends met someone. i think most people meet through school, work, through a friend or relative. i've never met someone good just by hanging at the bar or walking around. it's always been through someone i know. ask your friends if they know a single girl they could introduce you to. are you in school? start talking to someone cool in your class.
the point is, you have to put yourself out there and face possible rejection. it's scary, but if a girl says no then she was not the one for you anyway and you just move on.
but try joining clubs and activities also in your area. i joined a kickball league and met someone, my friend joined a hiking club and met someone. you just need to be in settings where you can actually meet new girls and not just at clubs and bars, that rarely works out.
but don't stress it kid, you'll find someone. sometimes it just takes time!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Clubs are full of sleezies, and 'one night stand-ers' it's not realistic to date someone into the club scene. Go out to a coffee shop, the park, or the mall."
How do I go around meeting somebody in a park or a shopping center? They don't sound like places where it is easy to just strike up conversation with somebody. I live in a city, and it's full of clubs and bars. That's where people my age go, and there seems to be little or no alternative. How do you start up conversation with a stranger? What reasons could you possibly have to start talking to them?
"Why do you want a girlfriend so badly? You haven't been single for that long. It seems like you're totally obsessed with getting together with SOMEONE...ANYONE...and that doesn't strike you as strange?"
Yes. Yes, it does, and I don't know what to do. I feel I'm happiest when there's a girl in my life, and that isn't the way things should be. But what can I do?
"five months is no biggie, i've gone way longer."
So have I, but my current tally is growing larger everyday, and it's not a good feeling.
"nothing worse than a desperate guy."
How can I avoid coming off as desperate? I find that if I'm in a club and I think a girl is showing some interest in me, it's natural for me to move a little closer to her, and maybe give her a bit of the eye. Other than that I don't do anything, because usually they move on somewhere else a short time later. So what else am I suppose to do? Places like that are so loud, you can barely ask if you can buy them a drink.
I really hate my situation. Everyone else seems to enjoy single life to an extent, and I can't seem to. Having a girlfriend is fine, but in my head it's less trouble than it actually is. All I think about when it comes to dating is going out to dinner, going for drinks, maybe watch a film together and sleep together. From experience I know that there's so much more to take into account, but that idea seems to be firmly locked into my head. If I could change that outlook maybe it would be easier, but when I look around and see couples, I immediately start to feel envious. I'm always hungry for love/sex, and I guess it only takes a few months before I begin to feel like I'm starving. How can I change this? I just want to be happy, whether I'm with a girl or if I'm not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): 3 girlfriends over the 4 years.thats not bad,i am nice girl a bit on chubby side,up on 28 years old.and not guy has ever asked me out in all my life .so don,t complain thats more then what i eve got.blokes shallow and need to grip with reality,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): i agree, five months is no biggie, i've gone way longer. first of all, if you are too nice, girls won't respect you. we like the guys that are confident, perhaps a little cocky. nothing worse than a desperate guy.however, when she gets to know you and finds out underneath you are nice and sensitive, then that's a plus. a lot of guys try hitting on girls by actually giving them a little insult, nothing mean, but like a little teasingly. girls seem to go for that, so try that technique. otherwise, don't force it, just live your life and then you'll meet a girl, but if you are searching for a girl then it will be harder to find one. "I try not to make going out and finding a girl (for the night, or otherwise) my main objective" you say? that doesn't sound accurate, you are looking for someone.listen, you're young, there's plenty of time to get a gf, so work on yourself and she'll come along.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Try not to be so desperate.
Don't let meeting a girl be your main goal when you go out, let having a good time come first, and then let meeting a girl come around casually.
Try going out somewhere else to meet girls. Personally, if I go to a club, and dance with a guy, and he gives me his number, it's not someone I'd want to date, because we're in a club. Clubs are full of sleezies, and 'one night stand-ers' it's not realistic to date someone into the club scene. Go out to a coffee shop, the park, or the mall.
Make an easy approach when you meet a girl, checking them out before making a move, is a definite no no. Most guys think we don't notice, but really; we do! ;-) It's obvious.
Do you have a type? Do you know what you want in a girl? Well, forget it.
Dating is all about wearing your heart on your sleeve, and taking chances. Date girls of all cultures, personalities, and styles. Date your total opposite, or someone who's just like you. Variety is the spice of life.
If you think you're a good guy, chances are that you are a good guy. Just because you've been single for five months, doesn't make finding a girlfriend your number one goal in life.
Remember, when you least expect it, expect it. Meaning, when you're not looking for a girlfriend, and you're focused on something else, (i.e school, work, hobbies...) it'll happen.
:) good luck.!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): I don't understand what the problem is honestly.. 3 girlsfriends in four years is a lot.. those were not very long relationships with not much break in betwee. Slept with three people at your age, also a lot. I think you're maybe not appreciating what you've done or had. I'm married.. only had two bf and sleept with two people. My husband.. one girlfriend and slept with one person. (and that person is me). Five months is not all that long to be single. Maybe you should slow down a little but. Life is not always about being with someone. You have to have some self time in there somewhere.. to accomplish your goals and get your head clear.
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