A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend 2 years ago, and when i did i was very athletic and weighed 161 lbs. i got pregnant, and got fat. i now weigh 268 lbs. he does not want to have sex anymore, and actually stopped when i began to gain weight in the beginning. he says it's not because of me, or my weight, but because he's just no interested in anything sexual anymore. i think it's because i am fat, but i have tried everything to lose weight and it's just not working. i'd try diet pills, but i can't afford them. right now i walk everyday (which is the only exercise i am allowed bc i have back problems) and i eat 1/2 cup cereal for breakfast, an orange for lunch, and very little dinner. even that's not working, so i'm going to stay fat for a while, obviously. what do i do now to make me stop hating myself and to get him to want me again?[moderator note: the poster chose this title]
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): I'm sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. Being overweight is never fun, but it's much worse when you're working hard at reducing it and you're just not making progress. This advice is probably not very helpful but I think you should just keep at it. No matter how naturally your body wants to stay heavy, it can't stay big forever if you keep working it and you keep depriving it of any more than the amount it takes to maintain a normal-weight person. Even the heaviest people lose massive amounts of weight when they get those stomach bypass surgeries. That's an extremely drastic and kind of dangerous way to do it, but does show that ANYONE can slim down a lot by reducing/improving their diet enough. If you can just control your intake and keep steadily exercising long enough, the weight WILL eventually come off without resorting to that kind of surgery. Just beware of eating TOO little while exercising too much. That will make your body start consuming more important things instead of fat and it will be counterproductive.Hopefully your BF knows you're working hard at this. A good guy can wait a long time if he feels like there is progress being made and if he really believes the old you is eventually coming back. In the meantime maybe you need to communicate your concerns to him better. It will be much easier for you both to talk about this problem if you both really feel like it's an obstacle to work though, rather than being the new permanent situation.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): From his action, do you feel he still love and care about you? If yes, then you have nothing to worry.You should get professional advice how to keep fit. Starving is not the way.Sex is important in a relationship. However, from my point of view, it will never be everything.If I and my partner can feel the love, caring and happiness, there is nothing will worry me. But, I will keep trying to make everything even better.Hope that helps.
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