A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Non religious 30 year old male virgin here. I am wondering what women think of me for wanting an inexperienced partner. Of course I have had chances to have sex with lots of women since I was a teenager but I turned it down because I want to share that experience with someone really important.But at my age it's like I no longer have the right to even want an inexperienced woman anymore. I don't like to talk about it to other people even pretty close friends. pople act like its immature and judgmental. I either get picked on for it or else I can tell they're mentally thinking these things and being quiet about it. I am not telling anyone else how to live. I just want to experience sexual intimacy with someone who shares my feelings about it too. I am getting more embarrassed to tell anyone my situation anymore even when they are directly asking me. I feel like giving up on dating. How do you ask this stuff? How do you find someone else so inexperienced at my age? How do you respectfully tell someone that they are more experienced than you want, and not be insulting them? I don't think a grown woman in her twenties with half a dozen sexual partners is any kind of slutty thing to be ashamed of. I just think its normal. So why must I be ashamed to admit that I want someone different than that? Everybody complains about too much promiscuity out there today but I feel less socially accepted for being so chaste.
View related questions:
immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): I'm 22 year old girl and a virgin as well and I already feel 'rare'. So you will have trouble finding virgins around the age you're dating. Now, I think the reason people are giving you a hard time is because it's unusual to be a virgin at your age. It's immature of them, but true. Now, I'd also like to have someone who isn't experienced, because then I don't have to be afraid of living up to expectations. And the thought of being eachother's first is exciting. But you have to realize you can't always get what you want. Say you meet a wonderful woman. Kind, good lucking, funny, caring, everything you ever dreamed of. The click is there and the sparks are flying. Then it turns out she isn't a virgin. Would you push her away because of that, for a virgin who you like, but isn't as fantastic as the experienced woman? What are you settling for then? Is that a tradeoff you want to make?You don't want average, you want special. So what if a person is special, but has had sex? Do you settle for an 'average' virgin? Because once you've had your experience, it's *woosh* gone. And many people, even the special ones who choose their partners carefully, have had sex by now. I'm not trying to adjust your opinion; I just want to give you some food for thought.
A
female
reader, dems  +, writes (21 May 2010):
hi ..same here im a 3o yr old virgin..never had sex before cuz im a muslim and its prohibited until marriage ..im sure that i dont hav any medical problem in my sex drive ..bt i can understand ur situation as im in the same..i dont mind to meet up with an unexperienced man ...cuz i believe we both are in the same court and it wud be fun to explore each other..bt im living far away and dont think its possible for both of us to meet and get along :) anyhow im glad there are man who think like me and cheeeeeers if u want u can contact me on [email address blocked]
...............................
A
female
reader, Tinger  +, writes (2 April 2010):
I am 30 years old viring as well. My boyfriend is 32 years old virgin. there is nothing wrong and you will find your ture love. it takes time but you will find it
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): How should you tell "active" women that you are not interested? There is no law saying you have to give a lengthy essay on why; simply tell them you aren't interested in them.
Some guys want smart girls, some guys want redheads, some want women who dip Skoal, and some want experienced women. You want to wait for a virgin; There is NOTHING wrong with that. And you have every right to want one, and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
I am saving myself for marriage and whoever the lucky man is, he'd better have saved himself for me as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, nataliehouse  +, writes (24 June 2009):
i can relate to you on this one. i am just the same, only im lucky enough that i havent been made to feel ashamed about it. i think it is unfair that you feel you are being judged because of this. it is a personal choice, one that youre friends should respect and one you shouldnt be made to feel ashamed about. i dont think you should give up dating, you never know, the next one could be 'the one'. i hope you find someone who feels the same as you do about this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I'm 23 years old and still a virgin. When people find this out, they react as if I'm some kind of freak. Here's the thing, you are you and NOBODY knows you more then you do. To be honest, your standards maybe a little too high, but if that is what you want, then that is what you want, simple as that. It's okay to do that, you just have to be okay with it if it does not happen. That's the part most people don't think about. How long are you willing to do this? For me, I know what I want and if I don't get it, I'm more then prepare to be a virgin for the rest of my life, screw what the rest of the world thinks. It was not that long ago when the majority of society thought it was okay to treat black people like crap; so I don't hold anything of importance when it comes to what society thinks. If that is what you want, don't let other people make you feel ashamed of it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Original poster here.The reason for my lack of sex life before now is about half my choice and half circumstances. It was my choice but does not alway feel like it was. I had some health issues stopping me for a long time. If you haven't been in this kind of position for the last half of your life, I just don't think you could possibly understand where Im coming from. It would just be nice if people were more tolerant about it. A couple of people have reacted like preferring a virgin woman is one step above being a child molester. I don't want some barely legal 18 year old who looks 14. I want an adult. I just want someone who is closer to my wavelength than the average single woman in her 30s with a dozen exes and two kids.
...............................
A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (18 June 2009):
If that is a choice that you've made willingly then good for you.
As to finding another 30yr old virgin, that's going to be extremely difficult to impossible.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): you are selective and that is not a wrong thing. you need to stand firm in your beliefs. your belief system is different and there is nothing wrong with being different. maybe you should look at younger women or maybe ask friend/family to introduce you to someone. but plse be upfront with these women and have your set criteria made known right in the beginning.
good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, nickichici +, writes (18 June 2009):
I don't think there is anything wrong with being a thirty year old virgin. I think it's actually quite respectable. I do think, however, that while waiting for another inexperienced person is not bad, I hope you don't actually miss out on that one person you are meant to be with.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): hi i can completely understand how you feel as believe it or not i am 31 years old and have within the last year had my one and only sexual experience. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and had put off having sex/losing virginty for fear of being hurt. he reassured me he wants me and loved me and that he would nver hurt me. we had sex but for whatever reason i pulled away from him, and since then have had a wall around me. its nothing he did or didn't do, i just panicked and now he has to rebuild my trust all over again. i believe i have a nice guy as he has waited and been with me through this journey and respects my feelings. i just want to make him feel wanted
...............................
|
