A
male
age
30-35,
*onelyAndLoveClueless
writes:Here's all my relevant background information:- I'm a 19 year old virgin who has never even had a girlfriend.- I'm 5ft10 and weigh 150lbs.- I used to be a loser who was friends with losers. However, after I graduated high school, I abandoned all of them because they were all ignorant and racist gerks.- I didn't go to my high school prom because I was to shy to ask any girl out.- I'm socially shy and I am tremendously eager to change that.Any advice would be appreciated.
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never had a girlfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 PS. I don't understand the height and weight numbers, but if you are overweight you will do yourself and any future girlfriend a favour by working out and losing weight. It's better for your health, and a healthy person is more attractive in general.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 October 2011):
You're shy. That's your problem. In order to get a girl you need to talk to her. Nothing else works.
I often pull out this story of an 18 year old who wanted to date me when I was 17. He never said a word to me. I met him through a friend of mine who wanted to hook us up, and he could only speak to me through text, which he did horrible as well (he wanted to know my bra size). Then when we met up (with our common friend and other people) he'd not speak a word! I said hi, he didn't reply. He didn't even look at me. And then next I get a text asking if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Now that's a joke.
You have to talk to the girls in order to date them, and you can't excuse yourself by being shy. If there's one thing I've seen and learned it is that tons of girls are looking for boyfriends, would love a boyfriend, and would love to get to know a guy who's interested in getting a girlfriend. The problem is that a lot of guys don't want to talk to them. Or are too shy, like you. Or have such low confidence they do not make a move on the ladies, or dare to even think the thought that the might be interested.
If a woman talks to you and smiles at you you have a shot at her, to be very basic. It's not more difficult than that. But learning how to flirt is a skill take develops over time, it's not something you are naturally born with. Just be friendly, and show an interest, and do not be afraid to risk it: ask her out. You'll get rejected plenty of times, but I can bet you even George Clooney has gotten rejected several times in his life. But then you just go ahead and try again with someone new!
And that's how you get a girlfriend. Talk, smile, laugh, share jokes, find common ground, common interests, invite her out on a date, if she says no you move on to another girl.
One piece of advice: always be nice to the girls who turn you down. They could be nice girls who just aren't available at the time, but they might change their minds, and having lots of friends is only a bonus. Plus, the girl probably has friends herself, and being a friend to the girl will give you an opportunity to meet many other girls.
Treat yourself as a nice prize that you are selling. Don't be afraid to broadcast that you are single, and don't be afraid to have standards, and don't be afraid to let a woman work a bit to get you, and don't be afraid to put your feelings out in the open should you fall in love. Yes, it might hurt to get rejected, but if you don't risk anything you'll never win anything either.
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A
male
reader, LonelyAndLoveClueless +, writes (11 October 2011):
LonelyAndLoveClueless is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for all this information, but I feel that it is important that you can understand who I am so you can effectively answer the question. As you can tell, I'm quite clueless in regards to this. Any advice, kind or brutally honest, would be tremendously appreciated.
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