A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm already 36 yo but still not sure whether I should commit with a man or woman. When I was a teenager, I had a strong feeling toward girls. However I was also interested in guys. Time went by, my interest in guys has increased while my interest in girls has decreased. :-( Before I turned 25, most of my sexual dreams were dominated by girls. Sadly, since then most of my dreams were replaced by good looking/fit guys. Since I'm not attracted to guys sexually (I've never wanted to have sex with them), I don't consider myself gay. Then I don't think I'm straight either because I'm also not interested in having sex with women. What turn me on is not sexual acts, but BDSM scenes. I always masturbate using BDSM pictures or video clips. I don't use any straight porn (men having sex with women) or gay porn (men having sex with men).Now I'm at the point where I want to settle down and have a family. I don't know whether I should go with a man or a woman. I've never had a boyfriend and used to have only one girlfriend. That's it. The reason I have so few relationships because I'm never certain which gender I should go with. Even though I'm attracted to guys more than girls, I want to have a normal family; husband, wife, kids, etc. In addition, I'm always worry about in-bed activities (either with men or women). I'm afraid that I won't perform well because sex is not my major reason to be in the relationship. Unlike most straight men who would give love to get sex, I would be willing to give sex to get love. Agony aunts/uncles, please give me advice. What should I do. I don't want to grow old alone. :-( However I don't want to deceive any str8 women or gay men. This problem has troubled me for many years. None of my str8 or gay friends can understand it because they either attract to women or men. Please be kind and give me some advice.Sincerely,Confused poor man
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female
reader, bluntasaspoon  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 hey hun, sounds to me like you are one confused bunny. you obviously know what you want which is a family, you are also not the only one out there who has a bdsm fetish, find like minded people online and join some groups to do with the bdsm fetish scene. you could meet the person who gets you going. i do not think you are gay or straight as it sounds like you are bi, which is perfectly normal so dont beat yourself up about it. there are plenty of men out there who feel like you do so you are not alone.
wanting a family is a good thing, finding the right person though is difficult no matter what your sexuality. i have known people who are lesbian with a kid from a previous relationship with a man and all they wanted was a baby, people who are into feet, noses and one is even interested in armpit nookie. the person you find wont care about any fetishes you have, they will love you for who you are not what you have labeled yourself as.
good luck hun and let us all know how you get on with the groups
bluntasaspoon x
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