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male
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anonymous
writes: First time at 24. should i just try and wing it?Hey everyone. I have a bit of a strange situation, and was hoping to get a few opinions on what i should do!Im 24 years old, and ive never slept with a girl. I think the reason is because i was always a bit insecure, and the longer it went on the more i let it get to me, and hence, where i am today. But this is stopping me from having a proper relationship, which im longing for.However, (and this is where it gets kinda weird!), i have had sex before, with a guy. When i was younger i thought i was gay, and used to mess around with a friend from school. I know now that it was all just teenage experimentation or whatever, and definitely dont have those feelings for guys anymore. But anyway, its gotten to the stage where ive put all my insecurities behind me, and i really feel ready to move on with my life, and obviously i feel a big part of that would be to finally sleep with someone.I think my situation is a bit different to people who are virgins, because i have had those sexual experiences in the past, and dont think being a virgin (in my sense of the word anyway) is that big a deal, so im not exactly looking for a committed relationship first. So i guess what im asking is, would it be better just to get it out of the way, maybe just meet someone on a night out and see how it goes? Ive read up a lot on the internet, and have a pretty good idea about what to do with a woman, and really feel if thats what happens, ill be in a position to move on, meet someone, and have a great releationship, both emotionally and physically of course.ive been on plenty of dates, but i always seem to push people away when i feel the time is close to having sex and im really getting sick of losing great girls because of this.Anyway, thanks a million to anyone who read this, i know its a fairly long post, but i'd really appreciate any advice you might have.Adam.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (25 September 2006):
 It sounds like you've realised why you push girls away so thats one issue out of the way because alot of people don't realise or put the two together but as you've realised you can try to overcome that next time you meet someone you care about.
I wouldn't be quick in just losing your virginity to just anyone as the first time should be special and with someone you care about and can relax with, if you just try to meet anyone to just rid of your virgin status you may regret it and being male you may find that because you don't care for that person you can't relax therefore possibly struggling with going through with it.
Good luck :o)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): Just lose it. Lots of people will tell you how 'special' your first time ought to be, but truthfully, your longterm mental health will be better for having overcome this hurdle. Don't drop your cherry into the next waiting sperm receptacle, but if you find a girl you're into, don't obsess over whether it's 'right' or not. It is, and has been for some time. Go for it - you'll find your insecurities will diminish and you'll start sending out those good vibrations which will draw girls in. Your first (straight) experience will probably go more easily for having had gay sex before. The mechanics differ, but the overall principles are the same. The only thing you should really watch out for is foreplay - women need a lot more than men. Many women also can't orgasm from penetration alone, so be willing to go the extra mile with your first female partner (read: cunnilingus). Have fun.
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