A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, I've no idea how to meet someone, or how to deal with it at all especially just meeting someone in a club and not knowing them. I like to get to know someone for a long time before dating them. This habit, isn't getting me anywhere at all. How can I deal with going out on a night, chatting up the first person and just dating them. It makes no sense to me, but it looks like I've got to do this to have a boyfriend. Id prefer to go out on a date with someone i knew as a friend. I've fallen for men who were my friends but it never came to anything, despite whatever spark was there.I've lost contact with friends since studying in university took up most of my time - also need to find new friends.I feel my time is running out, and I just dont have enough of time with all the things Ive to think about and do, before I even think about where I am with this. Im nearly 24, its soooooooooooo depressing!!! :( I've never had a boyfriend, woe begone the loser!!! :(
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never had a boyfriend, spark, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Hey I'm from Ireland and its normally the guys who make the first move and come over chatting the girls in pubs/clubs, well where I'm from anyway *L*
Isn't that what dating is all about - going for dinner/pizza - whatever and talking to this new guy, getting to know them, what they like/dislike etc. It takes time but its worth it. I think you are only going out with people who are friends because you know them and they are "safe".
You need to get out there and new friends, by joining a theatre group or sports club as they all have terrific social lives! Have you tried contacting your old friends since uni? I also agree with DoubleM's comment about the snooty look on their faces - that gets them nowhere with guys.
Guys like girls who smile laugh and are approachable, so remember to smile - not a false one but a real genuine one.
A
male
reader, maddox08  +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Oh my god you and I are in the same situation. I just hit 25 in decemder and I've never had a boyfriend either the only thing I've ever gotten hit on were old guys. I know how tough the club scene can be, and especially talking to a guy. I say get together with some girlfriends and hit the club. But be careful how many friends you take because if a guy see's you from across the room and you have a group of 8 friends he can get a little intimidated. I say keep it to a min of 2-3. Now when he comes to you be open to easy simple conversation and if there is click everything will fall into place. As far as the "falling" for your friends trust me it rarely works and the reason for this is because you spend so much time with each other hanging out and stuff that you become a non dating entity in their eyes like a lamp or a door knob. Trust me I know I've been in your shoes so many times that they should name a line after me called "guyless" well I hope I helped. I hope I have luck in dublin when I go in august I love the irish guys there the best! Well good luck and happy hunting.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 February 2008):
 I'm not certain how things work in Ireland, lass, but here is how a gal might get my attention in Texas (or throughout America). I would think that anywhere, at a pub or bar or wherever, there must be a few nice, available men around.
The next few times you patronize a place, perhaps with a lady friend, relax at a table or the bar and simply pay attention to the fellas around. If you spot a man who is attractive to you, and seems particularly nice to others around him, just catch his eyes with a look, nothing much more, but hold the look. If he looks back in your eyes, and maybe smiles just a bit, you might give him a modest smile in reply. He might even be alone, but seems very pleasant.
The chances are, if he is interested as well, he will come over and say hello to you. It may take a couple of looks his way to convince him that he is invited to respond. The encounter has begun, but you need to know more than that, don't you? At this point, you have any given him permission to speak with you and nothing more.
Be willing to talk with him a little, but you may be wary. Fairly early on, you are perfectly in your right to ask if he is married, or attached. Has he a band on his ring finger? Is there anything about him that puts you off? If not, you may (or may not) have fostered a potential relationship. That remains to be seen.
But many available women walk around with a snooty look about them that always signals to all gentlemen, "Leave me alone." As for myself, I'm not great pickup artist, and the lady who gives me a small signal is the one who might get my attention. Just my opinion, but I think many nice men are similar. If I were you, it is the brash, boldest sort who are the ones to avoid.
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