A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im 22 and i've fallen head over heels in love with my friends 14 year old sister, it wasnt intended and i cant help how i feel, I wont act on my feelings even tho i know she loves me, but when shes older(16-18) if she still feels the same then i will ask her out and in the fututre maybe propose. Is this the right course of action?I want you all to be brutally honest and i know there are many who would say loving a 14 year old at 22 is sick but love doesnt have an age and your opinion is your opinion. All i realy know is that we have an aful lot in comon and that im madly inlove with her, i would do anything for her and want to spend my life with her, shes in love with me and when we dont see each other life just doesnt feel the same. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): You should if she feels the same. Weird but I'm fourteen and I love a 22 year old who is my ex's big brother but he cares to much what other people think
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for understanding and all the advice i will continue to check back an will deffernatly take everything into account b4 i make any decissions(sorry about the spelling).
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Yes Lulabell, the maturity of the girl is a very important factor.. people grow at different rates in their emotional, social, physical and intellectual capabilities.
I was phyiscally ready for children at 10, able to look after a family by 14, but only emotionally ready for sex when I reached 18.. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): totally agree miamine - however if she is a mature, responsible girl it may work out but if you can wait - you definately should because its your relationship with your family, friends and colleagues that will suffer...
In my earlier post i advised extreme caution and i'm sticking to that - not all young ladies are as nice as i was lol there is also a health risk - if you start having sex too young it can damage the cells in a girl's cervix and can and will lead to cancer if no pap smear is had bear in mind you have to be 25 to have a pap smear in the UK now and you could have a very serious problem! Although she may look ready the law is there for a reason as some 14 year old girls have not developed fully yet.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 June 2010):
Lullabell, I suggest he waits and gives her more time, and dosen't just move in on her at 16.. the reason is, she is still growing, and needs time to agree that this is what she truely wants..
We have tons of letters here from women who married young to their first love and by 20 are unhappy, bored, and restless. I wouldn't like you to end up in that type of situation.
True love can wait.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): If you're going to do it the worse thing you can do is keep it a secret - that implies you know its wrong and you're ashamed. My 24 year old bf walked into my parents house and explained how he felt about me and pretty much said "you know your daughter - you can either go along with this or she'll do it behind your back - we all want what is best for her and at least if she's with me nothing bad will happen to her"
my parents were outraged but suitably impressed - just try to work out if its worth more than your friendships - i mean you're in the UK so the legal age is 16 so it's not really too long a wait
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female
reader, Lizzie-Beth +, writes (17 June 2010):
hi i'm a 14 year old girl. i'm very tall and my whole life i have seemed older and more developed, even in maturity (i have two older brothers). About 6 months ago i fell in love with my brothers 18 year old friend, and yes it is love not just silly teenage feelings. And i believe he likes me too in that way. Since he's older and over-age we have been taking it very slowly, it started off just emailing and then texting and we meet up sometimes but i see him alot when he comes to see my brother. Its not wrong. Love is complicated and it doesnt discriminate by age. If its not physical and your not expecting to sleep with her then there isnt a problem. If you trust her and she trusts you then you should get to know her and take it slowly. Try and do things that a 14 year old would do so it wont be like your snatching her childhood/teenage years. I would advise you not to tell your friend because this is between you and her. Treat her like she's not your friends sister, its complicated enough without that on top and just see how you feel. Try to keep physical contact to a minimum until she is 16, love doesn't have to be physical. explain how you feel about the situation to her. i wish you all the luck i can give and do what feels right, just listen to your heart, everything will be okay in the end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): ok when i was 15 i was dating a 24 year old man - but i also finished school early with great grades, got a job and moved out of home at 16. The law in Holland is a girl can give consent to sex at 14 if her body is ready for it. End story is it totally depends on the maturity of the girl and you may be biased on that score so try to take a step back and work out whether her feelings are that of a mature young adult or of a teenager who likes the idea of being chased by someone unattainable.
Thing is this girl is only 14 and even if she does love you its probably just the forbidden fruit - all girls want to be wanted by men - and the more drama involved the better... its a genetic flaw i grant you but my own experience of teenage girls tells me that you have to be VERY careful here because as soon as the drama is dealt with and over and you get together - if it goes wrong what is there to stop her charging you with statuatory rape?
How long have you had feelings for this girl - is it worth everybody is your life turning their back on you and a possible prison sentance? how about your relationship with her family? I would wait - definately unless she's the kind of girl i was and could live independantly financially and emotionally- i wouldnt go near her. You are an adult - who pays his own bills... until she is the same there won't be balance in the relationship and it won't work... pure and simple
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): It is sick. If you went near my 14 year old sister I would kick your ass.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 June 2010):
Yep, nothing sick about it.. we can't help who we fall in love with, our feelings are our feelings, they are primative, elemental and valid.
But feelings are not actions.. It's actions that show, feelings stay inside our hearts, our heads and our bodies.. Actions are what people judge us for..
There will be no problem when she turns 18.. you and her have a 8 year gap, same as my mum and dad have.. They also met when my mother was 14, but that is a whole other story.
You must give her time to grow up.. that's why it's much better to wait untill she is 18 and more developed emotionally. As you know young people change as they get older, what she likes now, she may not like in the future.
I hope you haven't told her about this love you have. It will be wonderfully exciting to her, but may feel like chains if she changes her mind.
I suggest that you don't date her at the moment, please wait untill she is 18. At 17 you can give her hints that she is special to you in a romantic way.
In this romance of different ages, you are the one who may get hurt and rejected, so it is your happiness I worry about. I do not think it's a good idea to wait for her for so many years, turning away other women and staying celibate. Indeed you must date other women, you must see if what you feel for her is proper love, and you can do this by living normally, dating and going out. You must not stay like sleeping beauty, waiting for her kiss to wake you up. This will destroy your own developement, you must live the life of a 20 something man, if you love her, you'll still love her when she becomes 18.
She as well must date, when she is 16... Again she must get an opportunity to see if your the right guy for her, and to do that she needs choice.
Difficult, very difficult for you.. but if it's love, it will survive and thrive under any challenges that are set..
Wishing you both, good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Dude to be honest she is way too young to know what love is. I know your going to say that she does love you but in all actuality it isn't worth being a relationship with someone that age because they havent had the time to mature. so your best bet would be to move on and date someone your age.
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