A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and I have very little sexual experience. I've been to third base a couple of times, but I usually end it quickly because I'm not comfortable or I think it's boring. I do fantasize and play with myself occasionally, but almost never with guys. I am definitely not ready for sex and I don't feel like I will be in a while. Is that normal? I do think about the subject from time to time, but I have very little sexual interest which often disappoints the guys I date. They are astounded at my very low sexual interest. I would basically be very happy with a guy who rarely or never wants sex! My current relationship is fairely new but eventually the bf is going to be really confused at why I'm simply uninterested with sex. In fact, I find it annoying when guys want to get physical. Any opinions? Could I still not have mentally matured in that area? Is 21 too old for this? Thanks
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ready for sex, third base Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know but right now I'd (still) rather avoid pain than give it a try! Even third base was a little scary.
I don't equate feeling wet with being dirty. What I mean is that I don't like the wet feeling. It feels uncomfortable to me.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Being afraid of the pain is NORMAL…. Truthfully it never hurt me… and I was 14 when I lost it… (way too young I know now)….
Why do you equate feeling wet during sex with being dirty???
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I'm really glad I could help you out. It's perfectly normal to have mismatched libidos at least sometimes in a relationship, but being willing to give your partner their needed intimacy is really a great way to show your mate that you love them. With your positive outlook regarding sexual appetites, I'm sure even though you have a lower libido, you'll make a good partner anyway. Being willing to have intimacy even if you're not in the mood is a vital way of making especially men feel cared about and now that you see it like any other "hunger" I'm sure you'll do great and be a wonderful girlfriend/wife!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShrodingerscat - Superb answer, thank you! You're absolutely right about not necessarily wanting to have sex, but doing sometimes so to be fair to my partner. Sex is a natural step in a relationship afterall. The comparisons were very helpful.
So Very Confused - I agree, I think I will be "ready" when the right guy comes along. I realized I really wasn't that attracted to my exes. But yes I'm afraid of the pain. And oddly I dislike the wet/dirty feeling of sexual activities but I suppose that's where the compromising comes along!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
If you are not ready you are not ready.
But you should consider why you are not ready?
Are you afraid of something?
Pain? getting pregnant? being thought badly of?
I am betting when you meet the right guy you'll be ready.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 April 2012):
You may be confusing asexuality with not being physically or romantically attracted to anyone. Contrary to popular assumptions, plenty of asexual people have relationships, are romantically attracted to people, and some of them even have sex on a regular basis.The thing is, you don't have to WANT sex to HAVE sex, especially when you're female. All you need to be is -willing-, regardless of desire.The thing I've noticed with "typically sexual" people is that often in a relationship, partners will compromise and do sexual things for their partner even if they're not in the mood...which is a very healthy and normal part of being a -good- partner. Sexual desire is, in fact, much like any other human impulse, like eating.If you told your boyfriend, "Hey, I'm hungry, can you make me something to eat?" and he said, "NO! I'm not hungry, so you have to starve until -I'M- ready to eat!" that would make you feel angry and hurt, and make him look pretty bad, right? Well, sexual desire is, like hunger, something that you don't necessarily have to have/share in order to provide for.If you feel like your low libido is potentially harmful in your relationships, be willing to be intimate with your partner even if you aren't in the mood. Like cooking for your mate when he's hungry, you are lovingly providing for their needs regardless of your own, a good way to make your mate feel loved and cared for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I'm definitely heterosexual, as I'm attracted to guys. I'm attracted romantically but only a little bit sexually. But I supposed that's normal for me. I have thought about sex before but I guess it just needs to be with the right guy!
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 April 2012):
I think that everyone is different and it is normal to be less interested in sex the same way peoples affections (non sexual affection) are different. you are not ''too old'' to not be interested in sex, when you meet someone who you are more compatible with you might feel differently, but this is not definite either. I wish I could help you more, but I felt compelled to answer your question as I dont want you to think you must behave a certain way to be accepted, or that you are abnormal in some way as this is definitely not true. I can see how it might be difficult to explain this to guys, but this is normal for you, and thats what you must remember. check out the site the previous poster has provided but it sounds as though you are attracted to guys, just not in a sexual way but in a romantic way. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 April 2012):
It's possible that you're asexual.
http://www.asexuality.org/home/
Please look into this possibility.
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