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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, im a 21 almost 22 yr old guy who is a virgin, i have only ever kissed two girls. i dont know that many girls. i have recently started using an online dating service to try and get to know more girls. i was wondering if you could give me some pointers on approaching women and getting them to notice me. i want to approach women but things come into my head like; what if i say something stupid, or she'll just laugh at me and then i dont approach them because of this fear of rejection. The fact that i'm a virgin and all most 22 is getting me down. Any help would be greatly appreciated
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female
reader, Ms. Tanya +, writes (5 September 2006):
 Don't get down about being a 21 year old Virgin! That actually means your a sensitive, sweet, smart guy. You havn't found the right girl yet, and you're going to wait for her, and she'll appriciate it so much when you find her.
Now, getting noticed. Well first you want to pick a place, I suggest perhaps a community group, or some type of club, then you want to look smart, don't try to hard, but don't look like a slob. Shirt tucked in belt, pants pulled up.
Now look around and pick out the girl you want to ask out. Don't set your sites to high, your not going to score Jessica Simpson in bed your first try, go up to her, introduce yourself, and start trying to find something in common, and engage her in conversation.
Tips: Do not swear every other word, I've had a few dates like that.
Eye contact! We like good eye contact, whatever you do, don't let her catch you looking down her blouse. (Keyword.. catch)
Confidence! don't try to win her over by how down you are and how many problems she could help you with. I tried it once, it was the stupidest thing I ever did. Always be open cheerful and friendly. After you've had a good conversation with her and found you both have something in common. Tell her you would like to see her again and ask her out to coffee, a big romantic just-you-two-dinner date is not a good idea on a first date. Movies, (Comedys or Romantics), Lunch Dates, Danceing, and Coffee Shops I find are good starter dates. When you turn up on the first date bring a small gift, not a million dollar necklace, but maybe a cheaper braclet or something. Flowers, after 3 or 4 dates with her, swing by her house while shes at work and drop a dozen roses with a little note inside on her door step. Turn her head with you charming innocense and sweet tender nature. But don't rush her into bed. And make sure your ready before making a big step in a relationship.
Any more questions send to my Inbox! Good luck Hun,
~Ms. Tanya
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): as a male who was 22 losing virginity, i regretted it too, it seems it's different for us, and i wish i'd had more confidence to do it earlier but couldn't make any moves. If I was you I'd get to clubs, or meet girls via friends, anything really to lose it, (well not anything) but I know how it feels, it's not too bad at 22, it could be worse, but if I knew I'd feel this way I'd have done anything to do it earlier. It's clearly different for many women.
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A
female
reader, theskycastle +, writes (1 September 2006):
 Remember there's nothing wrong being a virgin at age 21/22. There are 2 types of girls that you'll meet. First type is girls who think you still being a virgin must be a nerd, something who doesn't have the look or charm to get a girl (girls who will laugh at you). The second type is girls who view you as someone who's serious about relationship and worth spending the rest of their life with. Now, I hope you are looking for a relationship with the second type girls.Online dating service is a great way to build your confidence. If you are shy, try sending an email instead of chatting right at the start. I met my boyfriend online too and we are doing very well together. When you talk to a girl on the internet, try to be yourself. There's no point pretending to be someone else unless you're going to keep up with it for the rest of your life. I really believe there is a girl out there who appreciate who you are. All you have to do is tell her your true feelings. While you practice asking girls out, you will also experience being rejected by girls. Remember it takes 2 to build a relationship. If you guys click, both of you will know and have this strange feeling together. If you have doubts, 70% of the time this relationship will not work out.One final comment. Don't date a girl because you feel you are 21/22 and still don't have a girlfriend. Ask yourself if you're ready for a relationship. I wish you best of luck and remember you will only get a girlfriend if you put time and effort into it.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 I think you need to just chill out about all this: girls can sense it when you're desperate or nervous and it puts us off. You need to stop panicking that you're 21 (which really isn't that old to be a virgin) and just see what happens. When you're looking, you never find what you want, just sit back and wait until the perfect lady comes along.
Stop going on dating sites for a start, you'll only find desperate people on there, just get out there to new clubs, bars, events: everything you can possibly do, pluck up some confidence and just go get em!
When going up to a girl, it's best to choose the ones who already seem a bit interested: i.e. the ones who've maybe given you the eye or checked you out. Don't try anything corny or cheesy, just be yourself: go over, introduce yourself, ask them if they mind you joining them and get chatting, just like you would to any person you didn't know. Even if you say something stupid, don't we all sometimes?! If you're relaxed this will be less of a problem and you can both just laugh it off anyway.
The more you dwell on this, the worse it's going to get. Just have fun meeting new people and see who comes along. Even if you don't really fancy them, get some experience talking to women before you pluck up the courage to get onto someone you fancy.
Good luck and be confident: that's what we love!
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