A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I am 20 yrs old. I got married when I turned 19 I have a 2 yr old daughter. I’m really confused, I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what to do. I’m not happy, that much I know. I have no vehicle, and I sit in this house with my daughter literally 24/7. People don’t come to see me, I don’t talk to anyone, I can’t go hang out with my friends, and I haven’t had a vehicle for a yr. Since I have not been able to do anything, I have lost most of my friends. I love my daughter; I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She is my everything, but I feel she is the only good thing that has come out of my marriage. I don’t know if it’s because I got married so young, or if it’s because we had only been together for 2 yrs before we got married. I really don’t know. We don’t talk, and we bury all of our feelings. I just don’t know what to do. Someone else has caught my attention, and it hasn’t gotten me confused it hasn’t made me decide I was unhappy. I just want that to be clear. BUT, it made me bring my confusion and unhappiness to the surface.I know my husband would be devastated if I left, and I know that the public makes it seem like children should be raised in a home with both of their parents, but I don’t feel that she should be raised in a house with unhappy parents who don’t communicate. There is no affection. He wants sex and that is it. That is truly how I feel. if I say I’m not in the mood he goes ballistic he gets so angry and treats me like crap. The last time he called me the b word like 15 times and then told me to go live with my mom. I mean it’s ridiculous. He doesn’t help me with our daughter at all. He does nothing with her. He comes home, lies on the couch, and yells at her if she touches him. He went 3 days without seeing her because he went to work, and then straight to the bar, and came home at 3am. He told me if I had sex with him he would take care of her for me so that I could relax the other night. I mean I don’t know what to do. Can anyone help me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): You wants to get out so you can cheat. You want to find what you are missing at home elsewhere. Don't be evil and selfish. You have your choices.
1) You are unhappy in your marriage. Go for counselling. Be strict. You need him and you shound force him to be available. Treaten to leave if he doesn't agree.
2) You are unhappy in your marriage. Working through the issues is not easy and you do not want to make the effort. Leave him and find someone else. Don't cheat, that might make you feel guilty for a long long time. Its a vicious circle, and very painful to recover, mostly its not worth the pleasure you get, unfortunately most people realise it too late.
3) You are unhappy because staying at home sucks. Find something interesting to do at home.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): to the anonymous female write that responded to my question. thank you. that was really great advice. i just dont know what to do. im so confused i dont want to hurt him and are daughter loves him. and like he keeps hounding me to have another baby. he wants a boy. but i dont think thats fair to are daughter to be ignored more because he finally got wat he wanted. i love babies and id love another one but y does he want another one. he doesnt take any interest in the wonderful daughter that we have together. i just i am so confused and i honestly dont know what to do here. i really dont. i have tried talking to family and friends but u get the bias opinions because they know him and bla bla. thats why i decided to do this because you dont know me you dont know him just the situation and problems at hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Hi, I originally replied with the looong advice lol! Honestly, the answer is you don't get "me" time because your facing up to your responsibilities! Also at the moment he has all the control! I'm sorry to be so blunt, am sure he once had loveable qualities and isn't totally bad, but from what you've said he sounds like a pig! You have to make your own decisions in life but what worries me the most is your young daughter and the unhappiness she will grow up in if you stay in this relationship. She deserves a happy mom, one who is smiling and not sad, it's clear from your posts that this man is not making you happy. Don't hold onto the good memories, look at your life now. What do you want to change the most? I can guarantee everything you want to change will only change if you leave...You will find someone new, but for now focus on doing the right thing by you and your daughter and hopefully he will jog back on to Texas! Seriously honey you would be so much better off without him!! Men like him make me so mad!! And give good men (and there are good men out there!) a bad name!My reply wouldn't have been so scathing had he not shown the makings of a truly rubbish father! As for staying out late in bars?? At least you know where his priorities lie...and probably always will lie...you and your daughter deserve to be a priority.RUNN FOR THE HILLS GIRL! And take that precious little girl with you!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): hmmm that was blunt advice. well i was told 4 days after we got married that he had cheated on me, this is the same person that posted the question by the way, and i he got me to not believe it. but the thing is his friend didnt tell me. my husband had a rly loud fun and his friend told him that he was gonna tell me and i just overheard. if someones lying to try to just ruin ur life y wouldnt they just tell the person. and i just found out that hes going to the bar every night for me time i just thought he wanted to have a little fun with his friend cuz his friends family is back in texas so i thought he wanted company, but its for "me" time. when do i get me time. and i asked him alla this this morning about the cheating and the bar and he said i dont know wat to tell u
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): You're so young!! Take the only good thing you got out of this man and go to your moms and rebuild your lives. Does your daughter, at 2 years of age deserve a dad that yells at her for wanting to spend time with him??! That is TERRIBLE!! What a horrible horrible man! What kind of father says they will look after THEIR child "for the mother" if you give him sex??! He should WANT to look after his daughter and that relationship should have little bearing on what he is or isn't getting from you! She is his responsibility too! You both made her! But sounds like she would be waaaaay better off without him!!As for demanding sex...I think I'm speaking for 99% of women when they say being bullied into sex is NOT a turn on! I wouldn't want him anywhere near me! Do NOT give in to this mans demands for sex! You are not his sexual plaything! Sex should be a loving act between husband and wife - it's a priviledge not a right!!There is nothing wrong with a child not growing up with both parents if it's in the adults best interests to be apart - by the sounds of it it's not only in your best interest to separate but your daughters too. She will be mentally scarred if she grows up with a father who dismisses her and scolds her for wanting his love and attention! I have 2 young daughters (2 and 3) and I tried to keep my relationship going in the interest of keeping the family unit together and because I thought I'd end up alone - 18 months later I am with a wonderful man who treats my daughters like they were his own! You deserve so much better than this and you will find it! But only if you let go of this damaging and disastrous marriage and look to yours and your young daughters future. Be strong. You CAN do it!! As for being devastated if you left...well he should have thought about that before he emotionally abused you AND your daughter! NOT YOUR PROBLEM! This guy deserves to be alone - you have more important things to focus on! Reach out to friends and family, join mother and toddler groups, save up a small amount of money as and when you can and get yourself a cheap car! If you have a car you have true independence!! My car has kept me sane through the most difficult of times (it cost £400) the freedom of being able to drive is invaluable and will make you feel more independent.Get out now. And focus on being happy. Being a single mom isn't the end of the world! Sounds like it'd be the beginning of yours :-) Good luck and best wishes for a happy loving future for you and your pride and joy. xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I don't think your husband will be "devastated" if you left. It sounds like he doesn't give a rat's ass about your marriage. I suggest you do exactly what HE suggested. Take your daughter and go live with your mom. Then look into getting a divorce and make sure you get all the child support due you.
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