A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.So I'm 19 and I've never had a relationship. Is that weird? It's not that I don't want one, trust me I do, but it just hasnt happened.Also as time goes on I find myself more and more attracted to men who are older than me by 5 to 30 years (age 49 is my limit, lol) and I don't know what to make of it.As I get older it seems like I get more and more desperate, turning to internet chat sites etc.I'm kind of shy and very self-conscious about my looks and I'm worried I'm messed up for life.Sometimes I don't mind the thought of spending my life alone, but other times it's bloody depressing.Thanks for all input offered!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding lacrymosa! I am fairly confident in my looks, not to sound conceited but I do think I'm pretty. I am however plus-sized and can't change that over night, and so sometimes my size discourages me from doing things, because I feel I may get made fun of, snickered about or things along those lines.
I know I have many good qualities, sometimes I'm just not sure people are willing to look past my size to see them.
A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 You're probably getting "desperate" because you feel as if you're getting past the age where you "should have been in a relationship by now". Relax, because you're not the only 19 year old who's never had a boyfriend. I'm 20 and had my first boyfriend at 18/19. I have 20-year-old friends who have never been in a relationship. Believe me, it's not weird :) because there's nothing that is "normal".
Once you've relaxed a bit and realize that you don't NEED a boyfriend by a certain age, perhaps you'll feel less "desperate", as you put it. It's okay to talk to people on the internet [although dating sites are probably better than chat ones, but I don't really know because I don't use either], just don't do it solely because you feel as if you need to meet somebody soon.
One important thing is that you work on your confidence! You say you're shy so that would make it harder to meet people, and it's hard to overcome shyness. Maybe if you do more things socially than you can increase confidence levels and be able to interact with people you don't know. Perhaps go out with your friends more, or ask them if they can introduce you to any guys, if you want. Make yourself feel physically attractive, if you're self-conscious about your looks. Find something you like about yourself and focus on that. Look up some make-up-tips to highlight your good features, for example, if you like your eyes, outline them with eyeliner or something [but don't become obsessed with make-up!]. Get a new haircut/hairstyle, perhaps.
All of that's to make you feel good, not to attract men. I think you just need to somehow give yourself a confidence boost, as confidence is extremely attractive. It'll be hard to overcome your shyness but it's possible. And remember, you're not weird for never having been in a relationship, and you most likely won't end up alone forever so don't let that bring you down. Something might happen when you least expect it.
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