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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a month and a half now. We live about 200 miles apart, and I try to go see her once a month. I'm 19 and she's 15 and I love this girl to death! We were friends long before we started dating. However, her parents are being extremely restrictive of her contacting me. We sneak around trying to contact each other but lately she feels very distant. She has been sick, and she's loaded with schoolwork... or so she says. It has been painful just waiting to hear from her (our main media of contact is email), and I wish I could just call her, but her mom is a complete... well, she's trying to make it fail... and it seems to be working. I'm becoming extremely discouraged by this lack of communication and romantic interaction, but I still love her deep down. My friends keep telling me to break it off, but that'll hurt me and it'll definitely hurt her because she is just in love with me as I am with her... she just doesn't seem to be so involved with the relationship anymore. I plan on going to see her Thanksgiving, but I have no place to stay so I can only go for the day. I'm not sure what to do: should I keep it up and pray her parents (mostly mom) lightens up, or should I just stop it now? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): I'm in the the exact same boat as you, with lack of communcation, which at one point was everyday commuication from text messages to instant messaging, is now nothing. However, with one slight diffrence, I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 14(I know people will SHREAK at me, but meh... We love eachother. I'm only using myself as an example) This of course has rung alot of bell's with my parents, and the're firmly against it, execept for my mother. Who says, that if we're happy together there is no real problem as long as we keep it legal. But as she is still classed as a "minor" it's illegal in some respects. As far as seeing her, I've only been able to see her twice, and we have been together 6 months. At present I am to believe her family dosen't know, but they have to soon.
My advice to you would be, if you're in a situation as myself, and you are both deeply in love with eachother, then you go for it! But as long as you keep yourself safe, and don't do anything you shouldn't be doing then I think you have very little to worry about. As I have found out in my expreience, your own girlfriend WILL get back to you as frequently as she can. But with being restricted thats, going to take her longer. My girlfriend has had her Internet banned, and is unable to text me, so even if I phone I'm lucky if she answers. (And I don't fully understand why)
I know, it's frustrating, but if you both feel the same, your love will hold you both together, distance is nothing, I have about 390 miles between me and my girlfriend (I live in the UK) So don't let it get you down. If you're going to see her, I suggest you are careful how you go about it.
It's probably wise sooner, rather than later, for all of you's to sit down together and discuss what everyone thinks, that's gunna be hard to do, but if you and your girlfriend a serious, her and your parents have to know. But in retrospect, it maybe wise to wait untill she is 16 before you make that approch, then they can do nowt about it! Remeber, society and morality concerns that causes alot of the issues and contrevercy between age, but if your happy, who's to say you can't be with the person of your choice?
But whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): yo bro im in the same situation kinda.
me and this one girl are super close, have been for a while. we hang out pretty often, and she recently just broke up with her boyfriend. well now that we broke up he parents think something sexual is going on between us. now we both love each other, but the problem is we probably wont ever date until shes older because her parents are both totally agaisnt the relationship. its extremely hard, but ive managed to work through it and not press things. we still hang out, as friends. its awkward because we both like each other, and know it, but we're fighting the urge to really be together. Im not a patient guy but i can assure you that if this relationship is worth it, waiting will pay off. trust me on this one bro, its never good to push things too early, especially if her parent/parents are agaisnt it. just hang tough and it will pay off.
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A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (14 November 2006):
Thanks for the update on the law... I mean... if you really like her, then that's fine. I understand that age doesn't matter, but 15 and 19... I dunno. You should be concentrating on college/work, etc. But I do believe in true love... and why not fight for what you want... you'll always regret it if you walk away. Don't live life with regrets. So, do what you feel is necessary to stay with your gf, and I hope it all works out. Keep me posted!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's bad, because my girlfriend and I have talked about her mom. She greatly dislikes her mom as well... her mom is one of those people that just doesn't like socialization, works at night, sleeps during the day, and always interferes with everyone's business. She a very bitter woman, and I could tell that the first time I met her... a control freak with the uncanny ability to make things spiral out of control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): Dear guy,
Ive been in a similar situation as you in the past and I can see why it must be very frustrating. . I think her mom is concerned that you might be only after 1 thing (im not suggesting that u have not real feeling here though as I sont't know u)
he mom might think that during teenage years in particlar people mature very fast so a 4 year gap is a lot more significant between you two than say with a pair of 30 somethings (compare yourself and friends now with 4 years ago)
You also need to consider any legal problems you might encounter if your relationship has become/becomes/even suspected of becoming sexual as I dont know the place you are from I can't help you on this.
To answer you question as to what you should do next is diffucult without feeling your feelings but you must consider whether the pain you will cause yourself and her is worth the occasional visits and the conflict with her mom. Im afraid it sounds to me as though her mom might not entirely trust you for a very, very long time nomatter how nice you seem.
I hope that this helps rather than lead you into a greater state of confusion. All the best
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, yes I am with a minor... but I am within the four-year age statute so it's not illegal.
The thing is... her dad is becoming alright with this... but her mom is a complete... well, I won't mention the word but you know what I mean.
I mean... yeah, everyone says "put yourself in their shoes" but in all actuality, I am not as sexually-minded as I have heard teenagers are being made out to be, so I really cannot understand the concern fully... but I guess that is, in a way, a good thing.
[Before you go on about illegal and sexual consent stuff, study up first. While she may not be 16 (it's not 18 I have to worry about), she is able to consent to anyone within four years of age according to the laws governed in the state she is in since she is older than 13... not that I'm saying we're going to be engaged sexually, anyway... I can only be jailed if that happens and they find out... there's nothing wrong with me just dating her anyway.]
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A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (14 November 2006):
I'm sure your gf is keeping her distance because of her parents. So, don't be discouraged. However, you are 19 and she's 15, and that's cause for concern with any parent. Think about the day when you have children- a little girl- who grows into a beautiful teenager and some 19 yr old guy wants to be in a relationship with her... it doesn't look good... fathers know what's on young mens minds, because they were there. I'm sure the two of you are in love, but you might want to stay friends with this girl and begin dating "women" your own age. Once your gf becomes 18 and if you're still interested in her, then pursue her. Friends make the best lovers! But give the situation a rest or you'll push her parents to take drastic measures. They could put you in jail for being with a minor... so be careful... she's jail bait and off limits to you! Good Luck!
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