A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend. I have never been kissed or hugged (besides family). girls always tell me im a nice guy, but not what they're looking for - im always just a friend. i am pretty average, i recently started working out intensely for the first time hoping that women will like the superficial me, because that seems to be the only way to attract women and don't give me that bullsh*t, "blah blah blah it should only matter what's on the insider." i tend to avoid parties, because i am a little frightened to consume alcohol knowing that it takes control of my actions. also, i have a history of depression and fear alcohol would exacerbate it. i know i lack confidence, but it's because i dont see myself as attractive and the only way to become attractive is with a ripped body. what can i do?
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female
reader, christina00  +, writes (14 January 2011):
u know..we All have something we dont like about ourselves! As much as u want to find a girl ,th same way ur future gf wants to meet u :) ! i see things like that.and believe me " th insider" matters too,because im sure u want someone who will make u feel perfect the way you are,special,love you,appreciate you...mass media has a big power on us people! real beauty is not what we see on a cover magazine..but yes,if we choose to believe in a lie..hey! we ll hit our head on th wall someday lol ! and dont worry..u have PLENTY of time to meet girls ! THERE IS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE ! even if we think th opposite in bad times .you seem to be a really nice person and a lucky girl will find u :) bless u
A
female
reader, Negotiator +, writes (24 December 2010):
You sound responsible, normal and just fine to me. Any woman would be happy to have you if she were emotionally mature. You are so young, just 19, give yourself a break! Far too many people jump into serious relationships at a young age only to find that when they are 35 they are deserately unhappy. Go to the gym. Get a great education. Build a career, business, assets. Then find a woman who can help you with your life and in return you can help her. Good luck, dear, I wish that I could be 19 again!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 When a girl tells you that you are a nice guy, just a friend what she is saying is you address SOME of her emotional needs enough that she likes you as a person, but not the important emotional needs that would make her see you as a lover, or a potential lover. Basically she is saying that you make her feel like your mother instead of your lover. No emotionally healthy woman was to be a mother to the man she has as a lover.
The issue that I see from your post is that you really do not like yourself. IT is more than just an issue of confidence...you do not like yourself and depression will not help that matter.
Are you in therapy for your depression and anxiety? I would not be surprised that if you dealt with the root of those, you would solve this problem.
In my practice, I work with many adult male virgins (AMV), and the biggest common element is that they associate more pain with having intimacy than they do with not having intimacy.
First, I am going to suggest that you visit my web page and listen to my media interviews on the topic of adult male virgins. You can find it for free at http://www.franktalks.com/sex
I can also tell you that getting into great shape will make you feel better and it is healthy for you...but it will not mean that you will get a gf. I have found that even those AMVs I work with who have lots going for them will just not be willing to be intimate with a girl when the opportunity is present because they just associate too much pain with intimacy.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Lifting weights will help with your depression and confidence, and make you look better, but it will not get you results on its own. Keep it in perspective.
You need to associate with girls in a more romantic context. Classes, lunch, and after-school clubs are good places to *meet* girls, but getting to know them there is how you end up in the friend zone. You need to get a girl's number quickly - first few minutes of knowing them is ideal; by the end of the first day where you have a real conversation is acceptable. Make them laugh, get them to tell you a story, get their number, and set up a date. Take them for coffee or a nice walk.
Meeting women at parties is easier because it's already a place where they expect to meet a guy they might date. You can party without drinking, and that might be a good strategy for you. Parties are also a good place to take girls you're currently dating, if you're going to smaller gatherings with a more close-knit, wholesome crowd.
The point is, before a girl has put you in the friend zone, you have to get her into a situation where she would expect to be with a boyfriend (or at least potential boyfriend).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Alright, i can relate to this question in numerous ways, i too have never been kissed or ever had a girlfriend and have been disappointed a number of times, and i too don't usually go to parties but i guess all the advice i can give is keep trying, because eventually someone will like you for who you are and by all means workout but don't change the way you act because if girls already see you as friendly, the last thing you want to do is change that.
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I think your fine the way you are. My boyfriend has been my friend for YEARS!And "we've" happened just recently.
I dont know why, but reading your question made me think of him.
Anyway, my point. The girl your looking for to be wih. The one that wants you and finds you the best thing ever.She just might be right in front of you.
Im sure shes there, you just dont know it. Theres a girl you like isnt there? Find her. Get to know her if you havent already. Treat her how you would like a girlfriend, without "i love you", yet. She'll react nicely :) and see you as you.
I think its pretty cute with how you've never been.
Xoxo
Best luck and Happy Holidays
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A
female
reader, noworries! +, writes (24 December 2010):
 there may be some girls that say theyre not what you looking for, but you seriously shouldnt change yourself and be superficial thats not the way, just let things come to you in time without trying to hard, you may not find yourself attractive but someone out there will, im trying not to use the its what inside that counts bullshit but sometimes it really is, people just have to see you for who you are, and if they dont like what they see, or dont like you then dont change for them let the person who does like you for who you are+ what you look like come along, it may take a while but you'd feel so much better in finding someone without changing yourself, then being someone who you're not, i hope this helped somewhat :)
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A
male
reader, JustinNki +, writes (24 December 2010):
 I know exactly how you feel.
all thru my life, I ended up having crushes on the girls in my life who were "best friends"
and when I ended up asking them out, it was always "your just a friend"
until one day, my girl best friend at the time slowly revealed her crush on me.
I never had a real relationship up until her, and that was until I was 18.
Things like relationships are so hard to come across, some people have a natural ability just to date and get asked out, but I think its good your working out man, I think that will give you the self respect for yourself and build in confidence in yourself.
I hate to say it, but meeting people online isnt so hard and not a bad way to start. Ever thought about it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Wow! I wish more guys felt the same way you do about alcohol and partying! You should keep working out to boost your mood, get in shape and feel good about yourself. Honestly it's ok that you haven't had a girlfriend yet. I went to a small school and didn't meet guys until graduating from high school. Join a club or take up a new hobby to meet more people first. Don't be afraid to talk to a girl who you find interesting, it shows! Relax, it's going to be ok.
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