A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a major problem...I am a 17 year old senior in high school who has fallen in love with a 35 year old player with 5 kids and one on the way...my problem is that i want to be with this man so much even though i know how he is....the problem is the age difference and he lives with his girlfriend who is expecting...we have had sex over numerous times over the past few months..we have had arguments but always seen to reappear around each other even after we said we wouldn't...he says that he does like me or whateva...my question is could there ever be a "US"...i'm about to go to college in the fall and i have in my mind that then when i'm legal we will have the opportunity to really connect..now with all this i know that this man is no good for me because he is a major player and still married/separated and has had a handful of woman...is there any possibility of changing him and making him a better person?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): No you can't change him. What makes you think you're better than all the other women he has been with? Do you not think that at one point all of those women didn't think they could change him? That they were different? And 6 kids, a divorce, and many women behind him, he is still a loser. Even more so now that he is a rapist. Yes that's right, he should be thrown in jail for statutory rape. You're not even legal. I don't care what anybody says on here, when a 35 year old MAN is sleeping with a 17 year old high school GIRL, he has moral issues and is a fucking L-O-S-E-R. You don't see it that way now, but in a few years time, when you're in your 20's and you hear about some grown man screwing a child, you'll see it my way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Nice catch there.
I'll give you the low down.
You cannot change another person. The only ones who can do that are the indviduals themselves, They can change if and only if the trully want to.
And I;m not saying it never happens, plenty of people have found redemption, but they must first seek to atone for their actions and seek forgiveness and to be a better person like Earl.
It doesn't seem to me like he wants to or is likely to change... not unless the shit hits the fan and his little life with family and his affair with a teenage admirer is cut short and taken out from under him.
Once he falls and hits as low as he can go and if he becomes determined to claw his way back to being a real man, then and only then would it be safe to go within ten feet of this guy.
Flynn 24
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You can change someone's behaviour by the way you behave yourself, but you will never really change their underlying character.
Changes you manage to make to someone's behaviour are short-term, so to make any real difference you have a very lengthy job until their new behaviour becomes a habit for them. It can take many years, and the older they are when you start the more ingrained their behaviour is and the more difficult it will be to change it.
It would be very hard work to achieve what you want, and it may be impossible unless you are a very strong and determined character - and even then it may not work.
It's not going to be easy, or pleasant, and in all probability you will fail. Take the advice already given - try to move on and to find someone who isn't going to be such hard work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You want to be with this man?
Even though he's with someone else?
Even though he's cheating on his girlfriend?
Even though he's cheating on his "pregnant" girlfriend?
Even though he's got 5 children who will miss their daddy?
Even though he's a player?
Even though you argue?
You want to be with a man who will get you pregnant, cheat on you, leave his girlfriend and 6 kids, and eventually trade you in for a newer model.
Honey it's your life. If you want to be alone, broke and pregnant, who am I to stop you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You want to be with this man?
Even though he's with someone else?
Even though he's cheating on his girlfriend?
Even though he's cheating on his "pregnant" girlfriend?
Even though he's got 5 children who will miss their daddy?
Even though he's a player?
Even though you argue?
You want to be with a man who will get you pregnant, cheat on you, leave his girlfriend and 6 kids, and eventually trade you in for a newer model.
Honey it's your life. If you want to be alone, broke and pregnant, who am I to stop you?
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Hello,
First of all he will never change, you will never change hime and will never make him a better person. Hes 35 and should no better......
Move on from this relationship, he will do the same to you, dont expect him to change. Sweety be careful, what if you get pregnant as well, he will just go off and find someone else to have sex with and you will be in the same situation as his current girlfriend. Be smart and walk away.
You deserve better that this "loser" move on, you are young and need to live your life and avoid men like this if at all possible.
Go to college, get a good education and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Be strong and tell him where to go! There will never be an "US" in answer to your question, he has no respect and never will.
Take care and look after yourself
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