A
female
age
30-35,
*erenityjohnson
writes:I am a 17 year old senior in high school. I have met a 35 year old man whom i am falling for. We have alot of things in common, and i fell really comfortable around him, but my question is...is this 18 year difference a problem..will people accept it?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 18 yrs is a lot, basically, he is old enough to be your father and I don't mean biological. He should by now have the maturity to be raising kids, you are still a kid.
If it was a 22 yr old and a 40yr old that would be different.
Society will definitly not approve. Not that that should stop you if you are really serious but be prepared for it.
If you two are really in love, wait. Remember that female teacher who had sex with an underaged student? After she served her sentence they got married and nobody could object. If only the two had just waited the same number of years she wouldn't have a prison record.
Wait, graduate, get a job, doesn't mean you got to stop seeing each other, just take the relation really slow so you have time to become an adult. In the mean time it is handsoff especially from his side.
Many a man wants a young women and at 35 he will know all the lines while you are still wet behind the ears. Make really sure that he wants you, not just your body.
If you were older, go right ahead, but 17? Be a kid a little bit longer. It ain't the difference in age that worries me, it is your age.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Hun, its illigal of you have sex, and he can and might well go to jail for it, dpending on what state you ar in. I grew up in Vermont, and the age of consent is 16 so long as both partnrs are under 18, but if one is under 18 adn one is ovr 18 the older one can go to jail for it.
Just a thoguht to keep in mind.
Also, ya, people will look at this odly, bcause he was older than you are now, when you were born. It begs to be asked, why is a grown man attracted to an adolescent?
I know this isnt what you want to hear, but tis true...
If you really are in love wiht eachother, I would say take things very very slowly and if he isnt willing to do that, then run!
Older men can be very manipulative and make you do things you dont want, so be careful hun!
Follow your heart, but carefully and legally, OK?
Hugs!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Yes it is. Don't you have any respect for yourself? What does a man that age want with a young lady like you?? You two have got nothing in common, not the long run anyway. He's the one getting the most out of it
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 Hmm. Sounds like he has swept you off your feet.
There's a lot to be said for an older man, but I'm not sure it's right when you're only 17. He's at a very different point in his life to you. I think this relationship will be a great learning curve for you, and could be a real source of pleasure, but I think there will come a point - maybe in a few month, or maybe years - when you'll wake up and think 'hey, what am I doing with this old guy?'
As for other people, yes, no question of it, they'll think he is too lucky by half - they'll think he's too old for you. Your parents will probably freak out. Your friends will possibly tease you about it (but be slightly intrigued). I think people will only accept it if the relationship proves long lasting - then they'll just get used to it.
The thing is, it's not just a question of the 18 years between you - it's where you are in your lives. If you were 30 and he was 48, that's different - perhaps you'd be wanting to have children, and him too, and you could do that together and you'd be effectively at the same point in that respect. But at 17 you're just learning about life and relationships and love, and you're also at school, and will be for a few more years, probably. And he's done all that - he's at the point when guys want to marry and have kids, or he will be soon.
I don't know. You know how you feel. Just be careful ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): At your age, hon, it is definitely too great a difference. I don't know what his responses have been (you don't say) but he should certainly know this too. It is fine to be friends, but that is all it should be. Others may disagree, but I have been around a long time and have a lot of experience to go by.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): You shouldnt be concerned about whether others will accept it or not, if YOU will happy, thats all that matters.
Personnaly I would be wondering what a man of his age wants with an 18 year old girl, on the other hand many, many relationships with large age gaps work. So if you and he are happy and theres no wife and kids you dont know about then wheres the harm.
Take care.
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