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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 16 and have known this 31 year old guy for about a year now. At first, I wasn't at all attracted to him, but as I got to know him, I realized how much I enjoyed being around him. As the summer went on and I got to know him better, I really looked forward to seeing him; he just lit up my day. Over time, the friendship turned to a huge crush. One day we were talking and one way or another I ended up admitting to him that I liked him. He admitted to liking me as well, but the age gap was too much for him and I agreed. But a few months passed and we would hug or sit close on the couch... but we never kissed or anything. He was very conscious of my age and about a month ago, he kissed me. We're both very wary of the ages even though where I live, it's not illegal. I just wanted to hear what other people thought before we went any further. He has not pressured me for sex and we've hardly discussed it. We'd still have to tell my parents. We're both very happy with eachother, it's just a matter of getting other people to see it too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): GLforever, I am the person that posted the original question. I want to thank you for your advise, it did help me. My mother knows about us now, but my father still does not know. Everything is going well with us, but I am still faced with the problem of telling him. And also, we are faced with getting people like harshbutfair to understand us and how happy we are together. Thanks again!
A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (28 February 2006):
 I'm not sure why Harshbutfair thinks that people should BEWARE of adults who feel that young men and young women should be presented both sides of an issue and allowed to make their own choices. Had the question poster indicated that she was unhappy or being mistreated, that I would not have hesitated to suggest that she consider ending the relationship. However, she seems quite happy, so why give her only negative feedback on her relationship?Yes, Harsh, I am a Girl Lover and a proud and celibate one at that. I don't claim to be "normal" the way you use the word, nor would I want to be. It saddens me that so many people feel that those who does not conform deserve to be "hounded and outcast". I have never hurt anyone, nor have I ever stopped loving any of the girls in my life. So, to the question poster: You are of course free to accept or reject any of the advice or suggestions you've been given. If you think I'm a fool because I happen to prefer the company of girls to the company of women, then by all means ignore everything I say.In my experience, it is very difficult to open a closed mind with mere words. People need to be shown things, not just told. If you continue with this relationship, you will likely find that many people cannot see beyond the 15-year age difference. You may have to decide between your happiness and your ability to please those who see your relationship as nothing more than a "15 year age difference". It is obvious which direction I lean and which direction others lean. You should decide for yourself which direction YOU will lean - don't let any of us make that decision for you.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (26 February 2006):
 Yet again GLForever (the "GL" stands for "girl love", as I understand) pops up with advice congratulating and justifying middle-aged men dating young girls. His arguments can surely be seen for what they are... I am bemused as to what he does in relationships when these "charming", "open minded" and "beatiful" girls GROW UP. By his own admission he would likely no longer be interested.
Well, get this folks. Neither would the young women. They would realise that they were being groomed by someone unable to form relationships with women his own age.
Sadly the Internet has given people like GLForever a "safe haven" to hang out, and influence each other, talk with others with similar interests and persuade themselves that THEY are normal, whereas in normal society they would be hounded and outcast.
It also gives them a perfect opportunity to persue the targets of their desire. To everyone online I say BEWARE.
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A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (26 February 2006):
Hi. I am the resident cheerleader for age gap relationships - if they are done right. Yours seems like it could be a good one!
The fact that in about a year you have gone from meeting to kissing would indicate that he is behaving very much like a gentleman. If you are both happy, and you are being treated with the respect that you deserve, then I don't think anyone has a right to criticize your relationship.
Pegster's comment that she has "to wonder what a 31 year old man sees in a 16 year old girl" is something you will surely hear again - usually from women. Personally, I find that girls and young women (you are really a young woman) are usually charming, open-minded (far more so than most adults), easy to talk to, and beautiful. I believe that most men appreciate the beauty of young women - you seem to have found a man that can appreciate and respect you as a person as well.
If you continue with this relationship, you will probably encounter people who care more about getting you to conform to their expectations than they care about your happiness. Such people are best politely ignored as long as you are happy and are being treated with respect. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pegster +, writes (24 February 2006):
I don't know where you live, but in the US its a felony for a 31 year old to have sex with a 16 year old. Be very careful if this relationship progresses. Personally, I'd have to wonder what a 31 year old man sees in a 16 year old girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): i think 16 is a little young, you need to be experiencing life, family is impotant and innocence is precious dont be in a rush to sleep with this man. However, my husband and i met at 17 and he was 34 and we have been married for 21 yrs, though people can be so cruel when you are out as a couple thinking you are father and daughter. if you are both serious then dont worry what others think, you only have one life so live it how you think fit.
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