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female
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*loveCharlie
writes: I just turned 16 about 2 weeks ago. I've had feelings for my next door neighbor for about 4 months now. I've known him my whole life. He's 24 and married with 3 kids. He is having trouble with his wife. His wife knows about me and what is happening between me and him. He now lives in his own apartment and still sees his wife sometimes. We have went all the way. I don't know if he loves me but he has told me that he cares for me a lot. He has also told me that he never wants to lose me. We're not together but I think I love him. I don't know the legal age of consent in Missouri but I think it is 17. I really like him a lot and love being with him when I am. His wife is making him very unhappy and he is currently having thoughts of suicide and worthlessness. He said if he didn't have me then he doesn't know what he would do. Do you guys think that there is any chance that he might get a divorce? He filed like 3 months ago and they both got the papers but niether of them signed. I mean I know that he might want to stay with her because of the kids but I don't understand how someone could be with someone that makes them feel so horrible about themselves. Do you guys have any advice for me at all??? Please. and thanx for the help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): Don't be so quick to think this man is being treated so badly by his wife.
You are, probably, very nieve when it comes to situations such as this, and this guy knows that.
You are an easy target for him to get sympathy and understanding "oh, my wife doesn't understand me", "she makes my life hell", "if only she was more like you"
It's all a load of attention seeking rubbish.
Jesus girl. Do you have any idea how it feels for a women to loose a husband to a younger girl? And 16 at that. Lets hope you never find out, but then again, Karma and all that, eh?
This guys attraction to you probably has far more to do with sex than it does any thing else. This can easily be shown by his actions (or lack of). Never believe people on their words alone, no matter how truthful or sincere they seem. Actions speak louder than words.
You're far too young and naive to be in this sitation, I don't think you fully understand how this guy is manipulating you, how you're probably a cause or at least contributing factor in his failed marriage, nor the utter distress you are causing his poor wife. Nor do I think you can see the consequences of getting together with a man with so much emotional and physical baggage.
Do everyone a favour and find yourself someone more your age, or at least one with more similar life experiences as your own. If not, I advice you bookmark this page for when it does finally all go wrong, you can then read back and see just how right I was.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): I have a kinda similar situation to yours. I am 16 now, but when i was 15 i fell in love with a married man, with 3 kids. We are now together, but it is very hard as he still see's his wife a lot,so paranoia comes into it a lot,as i never know what they are talking about. believe me i know i have made a mistake, and would hate anyone else to do the same thing. at 16 we are not old enough to cope with these issues, please stay away from him!
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A
female
reader, Lisho +, writes (12 July 2006):
 First of all it was kinda wrong of him to have under age sex with you and was wrong to do that to his wife and kids. Im not quite sure wether u 2 were doing anythink when he and his wife was together, but if so then u should get away frm him whilst u still can. If his able to do that to his wife than he is certainly able to do that to you.
You might think you love him and im not going to say u dnt cuz only u knw how you feel, but jus think that it could just be that your flattered that a married man with children would want to be with you and it could be more lust than love.
Trust me if he wanted to be with you completely he would of signed those papers as soon as he got them. Im sorry if this sounds harsh but i think that his just using u cuz he doesnt want to be alone.
I knw its gna be hard but jus move on, why do u want to tie urself dwn with a married man with children. dnt u want to be the one who starts the family with the man u love rather than having someone who is already commited to sum one else.
you will meet sumones else i promise. just have more confidence in your self to beleive that your worth more, dnt let him take advange of you any longer.
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): I don't think having an affair with an underage girl will fix his low self esteem.
This is a grown man we are talking about and you are but a young woman. The fact that you can call it "all the way" and not made love is an indicating factor of the status of your relationship and also indicates your maturity or lack of.
He has three kids. He is married. You are an underage girl. He should have practiced self restraint and avoided you.
I am surprised his wife hasn't charged him with rape or even your parents? Where are your parents anyways? Shouldn't they be actively involved in your life? I am guessing they are not and this lack of intrest and involvment only excellerated your own low self esteem and impared your good sense of what is right.
You are only hearing one side of this marital problem.
You need to stay away from this married man. If he loved you and respected you, he would have waited until you were older and wiser before declaring his intrest in you.
There is a reason why they haven't signed the papers. Something tells me this isn't the first time this has happened. I am thinking they will mend this situation and where does that leave you? SOL!
You don't need some married with three children, 24 year old male to make you feel special, loved, and valued. You need to find your own inner strength.
His years do not make him wise. He can not offer you the true sense of security which you crave so much as he is not a trustworthy individual. If he were such a man, he would not be sleeping with an underage teen girl.
This man is a predator.
You owe him nothing but a goodbye.
How do feel away from him? Do you have friends your age? Where are your parents? Where are the ones who love you and want you to be happy and not just momentary happiness with some older dude? Who is there to act in your own best intrests? It is certainly not the married man.
I hope that someone close to you wakes up and can lend you the insight and strength to do what is right.
*hugs*
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