A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help very badly, so please stay with me.About more than a year ago i just turned 14 before i went away to israel for vacation. i met a guy who worked there who worked at the pool deck who was 11 years older than me. i did not know this though until later because he told me he thought i was 18 and said that he was 24. i thought he was pretty cool and sort of had a crush on him, but it seems like now that it was just lust, does that sound weird? so anyway we stayed in touch and e mailed and he would call me once in a while up till this past december. he would tell me that he treats me like a girlfriend and if i didn't e mail him right away he would get very upset and think im ignoring him. once we got into a "fight" and he told me that i make up things sometimes and that it's okay because he forgives me, i told him i don't and i got very offended and i still am when i think about it. so anyway he would just get very very very annoying i guess you could say like he was suffocating me. i started to realize our relationship was actually pretty wrong i mean im in america and im 15 while he's in israel being 25 (he is 26 now his birthday passed a month ago). but i just couldn't get away so i would ignore him. ignore his calls, his facebook messages, his e mails, and his texts. i started to get angry because my parents would yell at me over my phone bill and i would tell him only email, only e mail but he wouldn't listen. so he would still text me. i had this crush on this guy , lets call him johnny. i've known him since the age of 3 and he was 5. so i started talking to him when i was 14 when i started high school and after he switched schools we remained in contact often but some drama occured so we didn't speak till december 4th, 2008. he texted me and said he was home so i asked if he want to hang out and he said yes so we saw a movie. after that he asked me out and i said yes. but i still hadn't sent the pool deck guy [call him this just in case, ill explain my reason soon.] the email i was meaning to about how i didn't want to talk to him anymore so i just put it off because i was scared. now please i know i was stupid and you know what in a weird way i am glad i did this because i can learn a lesson from this maybe but lets get to the issue. i have been with johnny for 4 months now and since i sent pool deck guy an e mail saying that my parents don't want me talking to him anymore he still e mails me and has tried re adding me on facebook. and it was the truth that my parents didn't want me too, they were okay with us being friends but i told them how he wants it to be "romantic" and that i just cant see it that way. so i used them to say that i don't want to talk to him anymore really. he would send me gifts and i just would tell him no but he would do it anyway. i feel that he knew he was losing me and was clinging on. i feel guilty sometimes but just how he made me feel about myself and some things he has said to me make me feel like i should do this. because essentialy with what my father does for work and if my boyfriend knew about this guy i just would be embarresed for my family and i would break my heart and my boyfriends. now i will tell my boyfriend in time because i feel that he is the one for me but i can not tell him now because he has gone back to school and it is still to early in the relationship to tell him something like this. is it possible that i am making to big a deal of this? essentially and ultimatly, i want him to stop bugging me. he sent me e mails saying hi how are you jsut wanted to see if you are okay, and also if i can read this then to e mail him but i ignore them. should i go with my instinct and straight out e mail him. i know i have many questions but you have to know i've been meaning to write to dearcupid for a long time now and i am in extreme need of advice so please i hope this goes through, any advice will be appreciated. i really need help because i am scared, feel like he is stalking me, and i want to put this past me. Please help me as soon as anyone can.thank you so much!-anonymous*i cannot put my real name because i dont want him to find this by chance, or my boyfriend before i tell him.note- i am 15 years old now soon to be 16 just so you know. any more info needed i will gladly offer!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Change your email address, your phone number and do not give them to him. Tell him he has to stop, that he is too old for you, in fact in your country you are legally under age and men his age go to prison for bothering little girls of 15....(sorry, buy you are a little girl!)
Tell him you are sorry if he thinks you led him on, you did not mean to, that you wanted to just be friends but you can't even do that any more because he is pursuing you too much and you are not interested.
It may seem mean to do that, but you are going to have to stand firm with him....and keep telling your parents how this is going with him...
But change all of your contact information and give it out to all of your friends again, and block him from your Facebook (if you can do that) and be done with it.
You don't owe him anything, honey...just get rid!
A
female
reader, Mrs Sampson  +, writes (7 April 2009):
sweety i am going to tell u like this call him up for the last time let him know that ur not interested anymore let him know u are a child and u need to concerntrate on ur schooling and if he have anything to do with u again ur parents will have to get involve.
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A
female
reader, HPC11 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 you need to block this guy... that way he will never be able to bother you on facebook. And as for Email put his Email address in the filter that goes straight to the trash that way you never have to see it. And well unless you kept the things he wrote you you have nothing to worry about. But if he gets out of hand with the cell phone then you might have to change your number. And don't worry about this... unless he comes to see you then you shouldn't have any problems. You just need to get over any need to communicate with him and after a while he'll realize this is stupid and stop. GOod Luck! :)
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A
female
reader, Mrs Sampson +, writes (7 April 2009):
sweety i am going to tell u like this call him up for the last time let him know that ur not interested anymore let him know u are a child and u need to concerntrate on ur schooling and if he have anything to do with u again ur parents will have to get involve.
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A
female
reader, Mariela +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Girl my advice to you is to not get involved with a person who is older then you they are more mature then you they dont think the way you do no matter what. Just try to get away from him before you her hurt my persona experience is similir but im going to be 17 and he was just 5 years older then me and we were together for almost 4 years and it dint work....so girl think about it when your 20 he is going to be 30 something its not worth your time or his you need to look for someone you age no matter how wonderful they are it doesnt work....
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