A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. Please don't judge me I have enough on my plate as it is without other people adding to it. I am 15, 16 in November and I got pregnant when I lost my virginity. But we used a condom that split and the pill but.. you know, it happens. I am about 13-14 weeks and I am in an adoption home but who will adopt me with a kid of my own? But I am really against abortion and adoption (because of my own situation, just horrific) I have money that I was left when my parents died, but my main problem is that the father has left. I am just so confused... I thought he loved me, I loved him. We were together for 3 years so... Any advice will be much appreciated.Thanks (:
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abortion, condom, lost my virginity, money, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, donnakolukisa +, writes (4 March 2011):
 you have been through so much with losing your parents when you were so young, i lost mine when i was 36 so theres a big difference, no one is judging you for being pregnant hun trust me most of us have been in the same situation, i hope you get sorted and i hope you have someone there for you as a friend as support, i really wish u well babe
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 March 2011):
 I am pregnant at the moment. It can be a big strain on your emotions with the fatigue and sickness. You need someone to talk to. See your GP right away and get booked for antenatal care. The community midwife can put you in touch with other teen mother projects in the community and specialist workers who help young women in your situation all the time. Don't think you are now not able to be adopted - there are families out there who would consider you, at least for long-term fostering. You also need to tell your social worker or the key worker in your care home for health&safety reasons. The school also need to know so they can plan your education around the birth. There is lots of financial support available so you maybe able to apply for council accommodation for you and your baby when you turn 16, income support and child benefit. It is hard but possible to bring up a baby on benefits and your midwife can give you advice on sources of financial and emotional support. It is very important that you are receiving some support from health agencies, but also finish your education as you need something to fall back on in later years. The fact that the father does not wish to be involved is just a sad thing but it happens a lot in teen relationships when the pressure is on. He will be legally liable for the child from the age of 18 years and the Child Support Agency can chase him for maintenance. No one could blame you for seeking affection from him given your difficult circumstances. The key is to learn from the mistake and not be taken advantage of in the future. While no-one would wish to be pregnant at your age, lots of girls find themselves in such circumstances and they do survive. You have obviously had a very, very hard childhood and perhaps it would be a good idea to see the baby as an opportunity for a fresh start. Children give you unconditional love in a way that you will perhaps not have experienced before in your lifetime. It is very hard being a parent, but rewarding too. I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I think that keeping the baby is going to be a big huge burden on your life, but if you want to keep it go for it. You can be a strong, good, indepentant mother. You need to tell someone however maybe tell your foster mother or a counsler at school. If you have planned parenthood's around you, you can contact them and get a counsler and have a doctor check you out. They will help you get the proper vitimens and stuff. On the adoption note, I think that if you find a nice couple that can't have babies it wont be in the same situation as you. I don't know how old you were when your parents died, but most people want infents. It wont be all bad. Try looking into it before you completly rule it out. You could give someone an amazing gift. : ) Good luck! And I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Hi my dear, yes it's important to get some professional advice and support. I hope you will be able to have a nice calm home life and maybe even be able to study something you enjoy at home in the next few years so you can provide for yourself and continue education at a future point.Please don't worry about people not adopting because you have a child, keep up great hope, I believe yes there are plenty of people out there who can and will love you and your child and help you. Say your prayers and keep a strong heart.I will be thinking of you.
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A
female
reader, justnicky  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 well off i just want to say i'm sorry for what your dealing with. i am 16 and also pregnant. i would like to high five you on the abortion thing.. well to start off i nowhere near the place you are. i won't completly understand your situation but the best i can tell is that you chose the right thing. you have money. thats a start. but can you keep an income? the baby needs money and lots of it. :) it'll work out :) i would like to wish you the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Well, all I can say is good luck to you, and give you some advice that may or may not help.Ampersand has given good advice, follow that, I hope that works for you.My advice is probably less immediately helpful, but I've been exposed to similar situations in my family, across multiple generations. First off, keep the baby, for exactly the same reasons that you state, don't adopt the child out, take classes, be the best mother you can be, stay away from drugs and alcohol (completely), use government help and support, and don't be ashamed of having the child. Make sure that you never perceive the child as a burden, and tell them that frequently, and tell them that you love them every single day. For the next few years school yourself to be a mother like you were studying to be a doctor, while you also finish your schooling. You will have to learn to mother yourself a bit as well, don't forget that. Hopefully you will find a family that can help with all that.Being that parent, single or not, is the single most important act you will do in life.Abortion, leads to a life of deep regret all to frequently.Adoption, often leads to a life of deep regret also (I've had multiple adopted relatives and friends...adoption is great but don't do it if you don't have to do it).You WILL make mistakes, we all do as parents, and young parents are no exception.Stay out of sexual relationships until you are grown and have been able to develop a sense of self and self respect as well as understand your needs better. Get counseling help to work through this. You will need professional help because of the deep issues you have to deal with, and those usually get worse in your own mind after having children and as they start to get older.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Am sorry about the situation you are in hunny it must be very hard. Ok so if you have money saved then you will be capable of bringing the child up yourself. Yes it will be extremely difficult but the one thing a baby needs most besides food is love and affection and am sure you will be capable of giving a baby this. Talk to someone about your worries in the home and ask them to advise you. Or even go to citizens advice and ask what you will be entitled to. Have confidence in yourself and believe that you will be a good mother. Its time now to go out in the world on your own and start making your own living. Yes it will be scary but you will manage. As for the father of your baby. I am sorry that he left you, that just shows how immature and irresponsible he is. But as a father he still has rights to provide for his child. Therefore again he will need to pay you maintenance for your child so he will need to financially help you out. He may not be a part of your life anymore but he will be made legally to pay money for the child. Talk to a professional about your worries and they will help you come to terms with your future. Goodluck sweetie and all the best.
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A
female
reader, YoungLove3 +, writes (4 March 2011):
no judgement (:i lost mine a couple months ago and was scared i might of been pregnant too but im not...and if so the guy wouldnt have been around..he wasnt even my bf. ://honestly, you are doing the right thing..in my opinion, on keeping the baby (: i am against both as well !as for the guy, you are rather young and at this age guys are really ignorent and all about them. i can tell your a strong girl, he doesnt deserve you! just surround yourself with friends that love and accept you and you can count on. and if he does decide to come back into your life, dont go for it all the way...still have your worries and doubts till you see he is really trying and wanting to help!you got this girly. (:
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