A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a guy online who was 26 at the time,I told him I was 18 (even thgouh i'm 15, seemed like a good idea at the time).As soon as we met i told him the truth about my age, he said he was cool with it and glad I told him the truth.The trouble is I'm 15 and he's 27, I haven't told anyone about him as I dont want to get him into trouble,I like him alot,But the relationship is long distance,I'm not going to lie I haven't fallen in love with him but we have been seeing each other once a month for 6 months.I'm a bit confused as to wether i should remain being his girlfriend even though there is 12 years between us, I haven't felt extremely strong feelings towards him yet.However I am worried about breaking up with him, I'm not quite sure why but I think its because hes a guy and I dunno I dont want to upset him.He told me recently he thinks he loves me, but I dont love him backHelp!!xxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Just thought i'd update you,
I broke up with him and he was upset,
but he admitted he knew it was wrong,
we still speak but i havent seen him since,
i miss himbut i felt i made the right decision
xxx
A
female
reader, livi +, writes (24 March 2007):
 hey, OH GOD!!
it sounds like you arnt too sure, maybe take some time off to think about things, or perhapse talk it over with him, is it really worth this? If you two are found out there could be some trouble. If you dont overly like him perhapse being close friends would be better suited for you both. think it all through before finnaly making up your mind,
Good luk : D
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): When I was 13 I met a guy who was 21 (not on the net) at first I lied about my age but then I came clean and he didn’t mind. At the time I thought it was great that I had an older bf and I felt just like you. After seeing him for a year I slept with him, then I found out he had a gf of his own age who was pregnant. I also later found out that he groomed other young girls just like me. There is nothing wrong with you liking this guy but you have to wonder what kind of guy he is if he likes school girls that he finds on the internet. I think you should tell him you just want to be friends, vai email if you cant do it on the phone. Don’t make the same mistake as me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): All that stuff about you being grown up is a bunch of bull.. You are a little girl! You should listen to everyone here and stay as far away from him as possible. My advice is to tell your parents and have a court ordered restraining order.. Just because he says something doesn't make it true.
I hope you do mature a bit and notice that this guy's bad news, then you can move on to being "Grown up".
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Ok, here is the deal. I understand that you have had a rough childhood and you have had to grow up fast so you say. You have been on the internet chat rooms looking for men, and you lied to an older adult male in order to strike up a conversation and a possible meeting with him....
What was your motivation in doing that? What are you looking for? What did you expect to happen? My guess is that you are looking for someone older to show you affection, guidance and possibly someone who can take care of you, in short a father figure since yours sounds like he has been absent from your young life.
The thing about it is, there is something very wrong with a 27 year old man that would want to get on the internet to find young girls and when he found out you were 15 he was not hesitant about meeting up with you. This man has not pressured you for sex so you say. This is not an indication that he is not going to groom you for having sex with him...you see, he is a pervert, he knows he is breaking the law, and he has to be careful not to scare you so you don't go squealing to your parents or the cops or both, he is trying to earn your trust, this is called "grooming" behavior when one is talking about child predators....This guy is sick, he is bad news, you don't have the maturity or life experience to tell the difference and the fact that you don't like kids your own age and find them immature is not an indication that you are in fact mature, and that you know much at all about people, life and men and child predators.
You need to tell your parents or someone about this, you are not "breaking up" with him, you don't have a real relationship with him, you have been meeting up with him on a regular basis and this is leading you down a dangerous path, it is not normal for a guy this age to have a relationship with a 15 year old GIRL. It is against the law for a reason, to protect inncocents like you from getting hurt....I realize that 15 year olds today get into all sorts of trouble, are sexually fast, and basically defiant....but it is against the law for the basic fact that you are a child and you do not have the best decision making ability or the ability to judge others, especially ones that are older and more savy than you are. Your parents are legally responsible for you and your actions until you are legally an adult, which in the US is 18 (and I am beginning to think the age should be raised to 20!) so maybe in the UK it is 16, but still, this is pretty scarey for you to be meeting with this strange man when you know nothing about his background, he could have a criminal record as long as his arm and you would not know. Sociopaths are charming, and they know how to get the trust of their victims.
Do not meet him, do not break up with him, do not text him, call him or otherwise communicate with him, do not be concerned about hurting his feelings, the fact that you are concerned tells me he has already gained your trust and for what reason? He wants to take advantage of you, he does not have anything in common with a girl your age, he does not need you for anything other than a sexual romp, he should not be talking to you behind your parent's back, he does not respect you or care about you or he would make damn sure that your parents knew he was taking you out and meeting up with you. Got It?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Please do break up with him quickly! And don't be concerned about hurting his feelings.
The truth is that whether you FEEL older than your age, you ARE only 15 and he is 27. He may not be mature enough to have relationships with women closer to his age. In any case, you being with him is definitely not a healthy relationship and not fair to you.
If you were, say, 25 and he 37, well, that is different. You would have grown physically and emotionally and have more experience of life. As it is now, the age difference is totally unsuitable.
Leave this man in the dust now, and don't look back!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have met him before please read it fully,Not meaning to be rude lol,The trouble is I know you think hes a perv and evrything I really do trust him,I know hes not lying about anything because he never has with me it was me that lied,Its just i dont know I like him because I don't like being with people my own age,The fact I met him on the net doesnt bother me,I dunno Im confused if im honest because i do trust him but because hes a good friend of mine and I talk to him everyday I couldnt bear to hurt himxxxxxxxps. thanks for all the advice so far tho
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female
reader, agony aunt j +, writes (19 March 2007):
 sweetie thats such a big age difference that i really think you should end it, especially as you dont feel like you love him. he could be a great person, but you met him over the net! not only is this dangerous but also rather strange that a fully grown man wants to date a 15 yr old girl! if hes saying things like he loves you i think he's being a bit full on! seeing each other for once a month is not exactly a "close" relationship, physically or mentally. you said you havent had sexual intercourse with him, but you barely know him and for all you kno whe could turn on you any month of the year. if no one knows about it then no one knows where you're realy going when you go to meet him and for all you know he could be a maniac. please please PLEASE dont continue to meet this guy, your safety is at risk. and if you are going to at least tell someone! just be careful, he might seem like the nicest guy in the world but something weird is pointing out at me hear.
be safe
:):)
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female
reader, AskRosie +, writes (19 March 2007):
 Hi, you didn't say if you have met this guy. If you are worried talk to your mum. She might go on at you at first but it is worth talking to somebody. There is a huge age gap and if you are only 15 then it is unlikely to work out because of the age gap. If you haven't met then he could be much older than you. Don't take this relationship further. It might not be safe
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female
reader, flossere +, writes (19 March 2007):
well. if i was you , just try to let him down gently and say that you think you and him have gone too far and you wanna cool it for abit. maybe drop into the convo that you just wanna be mates. try it, it should work. oh and if he cares about u as much as u say he does then he wont mind as u and him will still be in touch.he will still have u at the end of a key pad to talk to.
good luck!
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female
reader, Angel-Face +, writes (19 March 2007):
 well hun
12 years isnt a lot of years beteewn but then agian he might not be telling the truth about his age becouse hemight not be who you think he is he might be a perv or something like that im sorry i had to say that becouse you met him on the internet and met him in real life witch you souldnt have but if i was you i could dumb him roght now
hopee it helps oxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of the advice you have given me,I know that it is illegal and i can see the point in that it is a bit weird an older man fancying a minor,However I am not 15 within myself,I have grown up in a tough town with a family that are busy earning money and have learnt to grow up quick,I don't particuarly like people of my own age i find them quite immature sometimes if im honest,I know this isnt an excuse but I have to admit I do plan to break up with the 27 yr old guy,Thanks for all your helpxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): When I read postings like yours, I cringe and I'll tell you why. There is something deeply disturbing about a grown adult wanting to date a minor. This is not a equally balanced, healthy relationship. To him a younger girl your age, would be be easier to deal with, but the reality is--if he could handle "real" relationships with a woman his own age, if he was socially mature-he wouldn't be giving a 15 year old, the time of day. He's sounds like he's very immature himself. Something is wrong with his sense of values and his thinking. Most men this age would be running the other direction, when they found out how old you were.
I don't know if you are sexually active, but if you are, he 's broken the law or at risk of doing that and most judges in a court of law, don't take kindly to adult men 'sniffing' around underage adolescent females. Here is what you do. Warn him about the "statuatory rape laws". If sex hasn't come into this relationship, this should deter him. So it crucial that you end this, now. Leave him in the dust. And never, ever be afraid to be honest and tell him..it's not going to work out. You have the right as a human to live your life and by your own choice but with a good handle on your own morals and common sense. This is not right. You've acknowleged you do not love this man so now it's time to righteously use some of your courage, your dignity and stand up for yourself and tell him 'it's over." When you make good choices---you use your head and your values. Be a smart cookie, hun...that is how a woman gains self-esteem and confidence--through her strength and the good decisions she makes, in her life.
But, you do need to grow, gain knowledge, attain more life experience to deal with this type of adult relationship. Please talk to a trusted adult in your family about this. But take action...don't get hurt, dear. Dump him and date boys closer to your own age. Keep in touch and take care. Take care, dear and please, be strong and learn to value yourself by ..ending this relationship that is plainly so incompatible and wrong. Good luck, dear ! Keep us posted on how you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have not had sexual intercourse with himand he has made no pressure on me too
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
It seems quite clear that you are uncomfortable in this relationship. Any romantic relationship that you are in, you should like and have positive feelings about - especially at your age! Don't feel tied down because you don't want to hurt this guy's feelings. I'm sure if you break up you will feel a lot better afterwards. Plus that means he can be free to find someone who will want to be with him just as much as he wants to be with them. But you're not really doing anyone any favors by sticking it out with him because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Think about it this way - if the tables were turned, would you really want your boyfriend to only be with you because he feels bad? I don't know about you, but I would find that rather insulting!
There's also another legal aspect to all of this if you two are sleeping together. Before you get deeper into this relationship, it's better to get out now. You don't want to do something that you might regret and something that could land him in jail, right? (I'm not saying that you would definitly sleep with him, I'm only mentioning this as a possibility - a very real possibility.)
Plus leaving now would spare you and him becoming even more attached to one another, don't you think? And besides, dating is all about finding the right match for you - don't feel bad that this guy isn't who you picture yourself with. People don't date to find people they don't want to have a relationship with - and that sort of sounds like where you are at this point.
Break up conversations are always an unpleasant experience, but it's something that everyone has to go through. I'm sure that after a little while has passed, you will both be happy again - and maybe even dating other people who you like more! ^_^
Take care.
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female
reader, K3rry +, writes (19 March 2007):
A bit of an age difference. Afraid that if anything happens between you and this guy he could get in some serious trouble. think about your options and maybe finishing with this guy would be te best. Don't be scared if you don't love him back it aint going to work
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female
reader, rainduckie +, writes (19 March 2007):
First, he is much older than you and at your age that makes a huge difference. Second, you don't even have strong feelings for him. Third, he is long distance so you won't have to see him everywhere if/when you break up. Plus, you are embarrassed to let anyone know you are dating him. Look at your post as if your best friend just made that post and then answer the questions as if she asked it. I think you already know the answer...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Have you had sexual intercourse with this man? Have you had any sexual activity with him?
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