A
female
age
30-35,
*itty98
writes:Im 14 years old and I did a really stupid idea with my boyfriend that's 16. We had sex in his truck 1 time... 2-3 weeks ago and it was an accident. I found out 3 days ago that I'm pregnant. I don't believe in abortions because its just plain murd3r. I told him today and we both know that we cant have the baby and he wants me to k!ll the baby and just plain doesn't want to have it. What got me most made is that he said... "if you do have it tell people its not mine and someone elses" and I called him and started yelling saying "Fck no I'm not going to tell people its someone elses because i know its yours! you know its yours!" and i started crying really hard [Than I can barely breath]. He says he loves me with all his heart but he isn't stable and cant have the baby. and that he knows that I will ask for money for the baby and if he doesn't there goes child support and that he doesn't know anything about taking care of a baby or anything. \I know how to take care of one for like 5 hours everyday but that's pretty much it. I told him I would starve myself for 1-2 weeks to k!ll the baby but honestly today I ate a lot today and I will tomorrow. But the thing is that my parents are abusive to me... they have been all my life. I get slapped hard on the face everyday and called a whore, slut, bitch, everything. I live with my mother and step father. My real father moved out when he got too abusive and broke a lot of my bones. Me and my mother are starting to actually be a little closer and if I tell her... she will automatically say "ABORTION!" and I just can't have a abortion. I'm just really scared that having a baby will destroy my life... That all the plans I have [will be gone] like to work during the summer to save up money for a car and summer school to get extra credit. and my 15 birthday a destroyed and going to 9th grade campus with me pregnant for 6 months... and everything. I'm so afraid its going to ruin my life I'm completely scared and I don't know what to do and I need help. Please comment on your advice. PLEASE! I need all the advice I can get and please don't call me a whore, slut, or anything like that [I get enough of that from my family]. People make mistakes and I know I should take responsibility on my actions. This is just way to much... Just please give me advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): Omg I feel so bad for you. Im turning 14 soon and if I were in your position I would just idk. But I think you should go to a doctor and tell them about how you are pregnant ( you think ) and get tested. If you are, tell the doctor that your parents are abusive and they might get so mad they would do something. :] I hope I helped.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Think of all the options:
-Take another test to make sure
-If you are deffinatley pregnant then tell your mother
-Hear her point of view and give her yours
-If you really don't want an abortion, consider it to be adopted
-Talk to your boyfriend and explain the situation
GOOD LUCK!!!
Be strong; I know you can do it!!!!
Anya xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): You poor thing this must be the scariest thing ever. Don't abort this child God has brought it here for a reason, you do have the alternative of giving this child a home with people who are ready to love, and take care of a child...adoption. It may be hard but for your circumstances it would be best. As for your boyfriend your not the only one who had the responsibility of laying down and if he won't see you through this then forget about him remember you always have God and you need to get help with the abuse your a child yourself and you don't deserve to be treated like that! I wish you the best and I will pray for you..be strong :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Think about this: Do you have the time and money to care for this child? If not then yes you should get an abortion. By having this child you will be ruining your own life and the life of your child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Please call a pregnancy center. They can help you. You'll get a free pregnancy test, counseling, and help. If you tell me your zip code, I'll find one near you. If you're afraid of your parents, talk to a counselor at school. Don't let anyone force you to get an abortion. You'll regret it. I know many women who have had years of regret, depression, guilt, and shame. Some went on to have a "replacement child." Abortion destroys relationships, families, marriage, and lives. With every abortion, there's a second victim -- the Mother. Yes, if you are pregnant, you are a Mother. Don't do something you'll regret. Your boyfriend is immature. He's only thinking about himself. If he really loved you that much, he'd want the best for you. He would not have risked putting you in the situation. Most guys dump the girl after an abortion. They feel guilt too.Please email me and I'll find a pregnancy center near you to help you. You need someone you can trust to talk to and to help you think this through.
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reader, cls1990  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 you need to think long and hard about what you think is the right thing to do for you and your baby
I completely disagree with abortion too, how awfull would you feel aborting this baby only to find out in years to come that this was your only chance to be a mother?!
You can do anything you put your mind to, no matter how hard. There are many support systems out there to help you whatever you decide.
Be strong & good luck
Cx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): first of all i kno how u feel in a way i got pregnant at 15. but ur situation and mine were way diffrent. my parents were very suportive and i agree with these people adoption is a beautiful thing ther are people out ther that want kids so bad but cant have them and yet would love and take care of the child amazingly these people have to go through back round checks and well alot to be able to adopt a child. and if u think u mom is going to make u get an abortion then u could do what i did witch isnt the best thing in the world and may not be "right" but u could wait till its to late to get one and then tell her ur pregnant. and as for the 16 yr old boy wow i cant belive he would be so selfish for one and just act like this is your problem and try to get out of it basicaly. u didnt make this baby on ur own and he shouldof been responsible and used a condon just because he isnt carring the child he needs to suport u in whever u decide. school is going to be a big issue for u trust me been ther done that after u tell your mom u need to talk to your school about a at home tutor or some sort of solution so that your doing your work and not falling behind on credits.people will talk if they find out ur pregnant my best advice is to hid it as long as possible not from everyone u need to talk to ur friends about how your feeling and everyone u trust u cant let this build up inside. i like u dont belive in killing my unborn and i have looked into it before u have horrible side effects ive heard it does hurt and u can fall into a huge depression its not something im for and not something i would or will ever do. my heart goes out to u and i sincerly hope everything works out for u
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reader, AskMelissa +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I am not into the idea of abortion either. When you have the baby give it up for adoption, give it to the parents you know will take absolutly good care for it. You should also tell your mom or someone you really trust and love. You should tell an adult right away.
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reader, Legioness +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I somewhat feel that social services should be involved in this... People shouldn't be able to get away with abusing their kids.. It really disgusts me :( normally I wouldn't suggest the following to any kid that's pregnant, it should be your own decision, but considering the family situation, maybe it'd be best to opt for adoption? Social services would help you with this also, but what really worries me about this is the abusive parents, whilst you're pregnant with this baby what if they harm you and harm it? This really is a horrible situation my dear, have you got any trusted family members, a teacher, or school councillor that you could speak to in confidence? x Becky x
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reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Wow. It is going to ruin your life. But, hey, thats the bad news. Oh, and that your boyfriend is too young to know what love is, so there no possible way he loves you. Other than that, you'll be happy to know that you have other options. I am not into the idea of abortions, when it comes to myself and the children I produce, however, I think sometimes, in certain situations, it may be the best decision for some girls. Have you considered adoption? Your boyfriend wont pay child support, in fact is too young to even get a job that would earn him enough to support a child. Your parents don't seem like the type that will step up and take care of their responsability (which is you untill you are 18). And yes, taking the life of an innocent child does seem harsh, but if you don't agree with it, everyone else needs to respect that. If you know deep in your heart that you are not financially ready and need more education behind you (which I think you and everyone else knows you do), then please consider giving this child the best possible life with a family that is more than ready to have a child, and can't produce one. There are tons of couples out there that would love for nothing more than to raise a baby, have the financial status to do so, have the love for eachother to be supportive of one another, and set a perfect example for the child to be the best possible person they could be.
I am 9 months pregnant, and I'm gonna tell you, it is a loooong 9 months, discomferts like you wouldnt believe! And I have 2 kids as well, it's hard, it's demanding, and without the help of my husband, I don't think I could manage on my own. Everything these days is very expensive, and as a parent, you want the best of the best for your kids. The government only helps so much. They won't raise your kids for you, and pay for their every need. Just think about this option before believing that you are ready to be a mom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Being 14 is hard enough. Being 14 and pregnant is extremely difficult. You don't have the support of your parents or your boyfriend. But what you need to do is find someone who will support you. You can divorce your parents and become an adult legally on your own. Get away from the abuse. If you have a best friend, talk to her parents. Seriously. Because you need someone to confide in, and obviously you wouldn't be able to confide in your mom with this information. She'd basically be so mad at you that she would disown you. And the name calling and abuse would continue after that.So.. go to one of your friends parents. Tell them the situation at your household, and the situation that you are pregnant, and ASK for help. I am more than sure they will be willing to help you! You need an adult figure to help you, and I think your best friends parents would be your best bet. Because, they are parents with a girl the same age as you, and they wouldn't want this for their own daughter, so they wouldn't want it for you. That is, to be going through an abusive relationship with your mom and stepdad, and then to be pregnant. It doesn't help the situation. I think, in this case, an abortion would be the best thing to do. Yes, you are 14, and you don't believe in them. It's killing the baby, and I know this. It will hurt. I had a friend have an abortion 2-3 times. But after you get this abortion, get birth control. And if you use the birth control correctly, it works really good. You are being very responsible!
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reader, mr.share  +, writes (22 March 2009):
Me,myself against abortion too.wisely you should keep it, but the problem is your age-its 14- i believe you once have a lots of dreams and goals in your life,remember when you decide to keep the baby there's several things to be thinks:1.you're 14-and you're gonna be a MOM(read that MOM)-so no more playing around as a teenager,no more chasing your fairytale dreams-and you have to think rational, mostly everything you do next in your life is for the babies-your child.-but its a different story if you decide to give away your baby to the adoption center-which i fell you're not gonna do that.2.about your BF i don't think you can count on him-soon he's gonna leave you-be strong about this one.3.you should really make a good plans about how to making money-what kind of jobs-the salary-the time-,remember when the pregnancy going to 6 months,its a very fragile moment for the mother(you)- i don't think at that time you can barely even works to much.4.you should starts tell your mom about this-or maybe someone that can help-YOU MUST cause you cant handle it alone-5.i see that you have unhappy moment with your parents-just remember when you decide to keep this baby and rise it your own,don't make your child suffer the same pain you had in your life,be a wise mother-6.choose wisely whatever your option,its your life- but don't ever regrets it! being pregnant should be a gift,i know its kinda ruins your dreams and plans- but who knows?maybe its like the process of life that you have to be trough-take a deep breath and always thinks optimistic and rational.believe there's always a good things waiting for you.believe! i feel sorry for your BF,i know he's 16-but he supposed to be support you IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU!-don't be a coward and take responsibility -he cant run from the reality-face it!-he's the ones who ruins your dreams not the baby-or the pregnancy!good luck- my pray for you.
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reader, unknown goddess +, writes (22 March 2009):
awww babesright well first things first, next time you have sex make sure you use protection :)and secondly, i dont believe in abortions either, but starving yourself untill the baby dies is kinda worse. ive studied child care for almost 3years now and i know that forcing a miscarriage is more harmfull than an abortion. because it will die slowly and it will be painful to the baby. if you do have an abortion, and i advice that you do consider it more because of you're situation, it kills the baby instantly (no pain) and then just detaches it from u and it comes out like a period.thirdly, as much as you may not believe in abortions, and neither do i, but if i was in your situatin i would anyway because:1) abusive home, no child should be brought into that kinda thing.2) you're 14 and way too young to have a baby3) your boyfriend could go to prison for rape because you're under the age of concent to have sex4) it will make things worse for you at home5) you have you're future to think about, grades, school, good times with friends, with a baby you cant do these.its up to you babes but thats what i would do, despite my belieth against abortions i count this as an except because the baby would be brought into the wrong kind of envrioment.think long and hard about it.one more thing, whether you keep the baby or not, go to someone about the abuse at home. that needs to stop. i was abused when i was young by my stepdad and i told my mum and she throw him out instantly.if your mum hits you too then talk to childline or a teacher at school that can help you or even another relative or a mum of one of your friends because they will kno what to do.good luck :)if you need anymore advice, feel free to message me privatly and we can have a chat :)best of luck, and i hope everything turns out okxx
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reader, Kitty98 +, writes (22 March 2009):
Kitty98 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice but i would like to point out that I told my boyfriend that I was going to starve myself... but im not. i ate today and i will tomorrow and i will everyday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): hug i am not surprised you are scared. i think any woman would be.
ok some very important lessons you have been forced to learn.
get the pregnancy checked by a doctor.
however the important things:
1)you get three choices:
a)have the baby - its very hard and difficult, but can be done. if you do want this - you have to be really strong and see a doctor etc. as the next step.
b) terminate it - this is tough emotionally (so fucking tough (that's the first time i have sworn on here) ) but will save a lot of pain. if you go this route make sure you have someone with you.
c) adoption- hard going, very hard going you get the worst of a) and its better in some ways than b) but will be wrenching you heart out.
d) starving yourself to kill it is the most stupid thing i have heard. isn't that murder?
talk to your mum and be strong.
father:
2) if he is the father (i dont know so i put if) but i believe you. it will need a paternity test. he will have to pay as the kid grows and he gets a job.
you will be fine in the long term. you just have to get through this.
write yourself a letter from the future - i want you to imagine its 10 years on. I want you to tell you (the now you) where you are and what your life is like and what advice you would give to you (the now you) from the future.
Big hug,Star.x.
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reader, jessica04 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 If you're against abortion, then do the next option you have and put the baby up for adoption.
Think about this please. Where are you going to live with a baby? With your abusive parents? You BF who doesn't want people to know you're having his baby?
What job are you going to be able to get that will pay enough for you to afford daycare for the baby while you're at work? I'm sorry, but being 15 doesn't pay well. You're stuck with fast food jobs.
And no, you can't starve yourself for 2 weeks to abort a fetus. And if you're trying to abort it that way, then why not just have an abortion in a safe, sterile clinic with doctors on staff?
I respect if you don't want to have an abortion, but I think you know very well that you cannot even begin to give this baby a healthy, happy home. Please, consider adoption. You can go to any welfare dept., and they can connect you with the proper authorities on the matter. You will get your own social worker who will make sure you get free or discounted medical care, and you can even screen potential parents if you go through an adoption agency.
This is just my advice.
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